Doused Spouse
Friday, May 09, 2008 - 12:00 AM
A reader writes... Q: I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for five years and have known her for 10. She is fun, caring, witty, smart, interesting, and a great mother. I love her very much, but in the last several years our sex life has become nonexistent. This is partly because she is never the aggressor, and mostly because I have to admit I’m not physically attracted anymore to this woman whom I love. She’s not unattractive, although she has gained weight since I first met her (but so have I), especially since our child was born. How can I force myself to be turned on by someone who used to do so but doesn’t anymore? This must happen to most couples around the world as they get older and change — I guess it’s the difference between love and lust — but how do I stay faithful in a relationship if the attraction isn’t there anymore?
All in the Family...
Friday, May 02, 2008 - 12:00 AM
A reader writes...Q: My fiancee and I are in our late 20s. We have been living together for two years. I love her a lot. She is very intelligent, and I find her very attractive. The problem? Let’s just say that in bed, I have had better. Many of our sessions end without me “finishing.” She had noticed this and asked me if she still excites me. I tried to fix things by fantasizing about other women during sex, but that only worked a few times. Then, things changed on our last visit to her parents. I was blown away by her 18-year-old sister. She was wearing a tramped-out Catholic schoolgirl outfit. I immediately began fantasizing about her. The results were amazing. The last month or so, our sex sessions have been great. My fiancee has noticed the difference. She is now a detective, inquiring about the changes. I don’t know what to tell her. She once commented, when I asked her to dress up certain ways, that she could “just borrow these clothes from her sister instead of buying them.” Does she know seomthingsomething? What do I tell her if she persists? I worry that if I play stupid, she will grow very suspicious that I’m doing something besides having fantasies.
