Can't ask women out
Wednesday, January 18, 2012 - 12:00 AM
Hi. I'm a man in my mid 20s, and I haven't had a date in a few years. It seems that my main problem is that I don't know how to approach someone I don't know. This became painfully obvious recently while I was trying to find a dance partner during my cousin's wedding dance.
Every time I got anywhere near any of the young women there, they were so engrossed in conversation with each other that it was impossible for me to greet them without interrupting them. I tried approaching some of the women, but they were always huddled together chattering with each other, so the only way for me to talk to any of them would have involved standing awkwardly close behind some of them. I didn't have any opportunities to say anything more than "Hi" or "Excuse me", and when I said those, they didn't show signs of hearing me at all.
I've read that at parties it's smart to seek out people who are hanging out by themselves, and talk to them. There was really only one girl I found who was silent, but the first few times I looked at her, she looked away from me and quickly left the vicinity, as though I made her uncomfortable, so I didn't bother talking to her, and later on in the evening she continued to avoid me anyway.
I came up with an idea that I thought was pretty smart. The idea was to ask the bride, my cousin, to introduce me to her friends, because obviously she knew a lot of people there and everyone wanted to talk to her that night. My idea proved utterly ineffective because she was running back and forth all night to talk to everyone. I didn't even know where she was half the time, and I didn't get a chance to say more than "Hello" to her until after midnight, four full hours after I began trying to talk to her. She introduced me to four of her friends who were just leaving, and while I was making sure I had all their names straight, my cousin disappeared on me, so I left.
I spent the majority of the night sitting with relatives in their 50s and 60s, and a cousin and his girlfriend who were about my age. The latter two seemed to feel sorry for me. I only danced twice that night, both times with relatives.
So, what my question is, what all should I have done differently? Granted, wedding dances are as far from my milieu as anything can be, and maybe they're not a good situation in which to meet people. But I really have similar problems in all settings, and I would like to date more often. I need your help!