BOO-doir (6 comments)
Thursday, January 10, 2008 - 11:30 PM
A reader writes: As a gift for me, my wife did a boudoir-style photo shoot. She gave me all these pictures of herself in pin-up poses wearing lingerie. She thinks they’re really sexy and is very proud of them, but I think they’re tacky and awful. Should I tell her?
posted Friday, January 11, 2008 - 01:34 AM (#40084
Normally, I'm the biggest advocate of honesty you'll ever meet. No matter how much it hurts, how awkward, how difficult.
But in this case, it might be necessary. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the only things I've lied about in the last few years are crappy gifts and reasons for not being able to come to work.
posted Friday, January 11, 2008 - 09:10 AM (#40089
Remain calm. Put down the photos, and step away from the truth.
Even if her self-esteem is strong enough to take the hit, unless she's an exhibitionist or an aspiring model; it took some guts for her to get the job done. Acknowledge that to her, and then, maybe you can suggest some improvements for the next set.
After all, it's not like they have to become your screensaver.
posted Friday, January 11, 2008 - 11:24 AM (#40093
You know, people like you make me sick. From the tone and type of your question, your wife must not have the perfect body type, so it must have been even harder for her to do those shoots FOR YOU. She isn't sending copies to all her friends and family, she got them done for YOU. Prolly' trying to breath a little life and passion back into your relationship. I bet if she gave you professional glossies of Dita Von Tess or some other "professional" glamour pinup you would have been happy. Despite your "tacky" and "awful" comments, I bet you still have sex with your wife, even occasionally. Why don't you try to be the bigger man and appreciate them for what they are as well as the spirit in which they were made and given. Stop being a shallow prick and treat your wife liek you did when you were dating.
posted Friday, January 11, 2008 - 08:40 PM (#40123
In Response to PenPen (#40093):
You know, people like you make me sick. From the tone and type of your question...
Wow... this seems needlessly hostile.
Some people just don't appreciate erotica, particularly when it's someone that they care about. There's a lot of pornography out there that is dehumanizing towards its subjects; moreover, our society tends to hold very hostile, judgmental views of the women who appear in it. It's hard to avoid absorbing at least some of that attitude. He may not be comfortable associating his wife with pornography, however distantly.
Or maybe the photographer didn't do a very good job. Not everyone who goes around selling their services as a beaudoir photographer has the skill to capture their subject's best side.
Or maybe seeing photographs of his wife posing unnaturally just does nothing for him. The best nude photos I've ever taken of girlfriends were candid ones. Some people just look stupid when they're trying to be sexy, but look fantastic when they're being their natural selves. If he loves his wife's natural beauty, he may not be even remotely interested in what seems to him like a tasteless caricature of her.
Why don't you try to be the bigger man and appreciate them for what they are
No amount of respect, good intentions, or being the "bigger" man (bigger than who?) will make this guy be aroused by photos that he finds tacky.
as well as the spirit in which they were made and given.
Finally, something that resembles a coherent thought. This gentleman should appreciate the spirit in which the photos were given, and he most likely does. His question didn't say anything about suddenly developing an intense hatred of his wife or anything; it was about the fact that he really doesn't like the photos themselves.
Moreoever, if his wife really likes her beaudoir photos and feels good about doing them, he could dig out his SLR and try to take some superior photos that he will enjoy. It could be a great thing for them to do together.
posted Friday, January 11, 2008 - 09:09 PM (#40125
In Response to markdf (#40123):
She thinks they’re really sexy and is very proud of them, but I think they’re tacky and awful. Should I tell her?
Yes, and you should tell her that her butt looks fat, too, whether she asks you or not.
Jeeze, how freakin' clueless are you, guy?
You can avoid endorsing them without being overtly critical. You might tell her that you'd rather have the real thing instead of a picture, or that no photo can really do her justice. Or tell her that you appreciate the thought, but you know what she looks like and you'd rather not display the pictures lest a visitor see them.
If she gave you a birthday present that you didn't like, would you tell her so, without mincing words? Now consider ... the present she's giving you is herself. How can you tactfully criticize the pictures without hurting her? Answer (for those with single-digit IQs): You can't!
I can hardly wait 'til you have kids and they bring home drawings from kindergarten. You'll probably give them helpful artistic criticism that will stomp their egos into the ground and burn out any spark of creativity they may possess.
Turnabout is fair play ... Maybe the next time you make love with your wife and you ask her afterward "Was it good for you, too?" she'll answer you with brutal honesty. On the other hand, if you volunteer your opinion of the photographs to her, there may not be a next time.
posted Saturday, January 12, 2008 - 11:45 AM (#40130
The simple answer is... No!
The more complex answer. You should ask yourself, what is it about the pictures that you find tacky? Is it simply the choice of clothing? Is it the type of pose? Is it something that you would change that would make the pictures less tacky to you? Then it becomes something that you can do with your wife, something that you can share.
You can say to her “Thanks honey these are great, do you think you’d want to wear something like this in a picture as well? Maybe you could pose like this, hey let me get our camera”
If it’s the idea of taking sexy pictures that you find tacky then you’re SOL my son. Suck it up and accept that you’re going to have to tell a white lie.
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