Tonight's the Night!

That's a tough one. There are so many parameters that can go towards state of mind. Given the amount of professional help you've listed, I'm assuming that he's physically capable, as well as faithful.

Perhaps changing your perspective could help. Instead of worrying about stimulating him, focus on yourself. Do what makes you feel good about yourself, sexually (assuming money isn't a big issue for you two). Buy a Carmen Electra striptease/erotic dance video and practice your ass off! Buy some new sexy lingerie. Get your hair done 10 years too young. Study some porn, if you don't already.

And above all, don't worry about him. If you want to go out somewhere, sure you should invite him. But, if he doesn't want to go, you shouldn't have to suffer, so go anyway. Give him time to realize that he wants to chase you. It may take a while, but you'll be putting the time to good use learning all your new moves.

And you don't need to volunteer everything about what you're doing. Hold back alittle, he'll come to you.

And, it doesn't hurt to play into his fantasies alittle. Just do it without expectation. Tease him alittle, (in a positive way).

It's a little of "absence makes the heart grow fonder + the grass is always greener + you don't know what you got till it's gone." Stay positive and remember - He may be Your Man, but he's still just a man.

My husband knows all this and I think he cares and loves me but because he has a very low sex drive, it is not an issue for him.

This is called "selfishness". There's a reason that wedding vows include that bit about "to have and to hold". Ignoring your partner's sexual needs is as selfish as ignoring her emotional needs.

He believes that I am putting too much emphasis on sex in a marriage and that it is not what makes a good marriage.

Point out that decades of research by psychologists contradict him. Even most churches recognize how vital physical intimacy is to a marriage (except the Catholics and Fundies, who are a bunch of assholes anyway).

I have no interest in anyone besides my husband.

That's beautiful. It may also be part of the problem.

The male libido is inflamed by jealousy. Psychologists have studied it: when men get jealous (but not TOO jealous), their bodies release extra testosterone and their semen production skyrockets.

I'm not suggesting that you cheat on him. But trying being a bit flirty with other men, enjoy their stares, be a bit of a tease, If he's attracted to you at all, you'll see a big change. Besides, doing that stuff will make YOU feel good about yourself, and self-confidence is the most alluring perfume a woman can wear.

I guess I am closer and closer to giving up totally.

Don't give up. NEVER give up. This isn't a dress rehearsal -- this is IT. You've got to go out and find all the happiness that you can. You've got to assert yourself and take control of your life... because if you don't, no one will. And then it will be over, and it really WILL have been wasted.

Am I putting too much emphasis on sex?

Only you can answer that question. YOU know what you need. Much of the unhappiness in our society comes from letting others try to decide what we "need". But we're all different. Your husband needs to respect that you have this need, and that it's his obligation as your husband to fill it.

Monogamy isn't free. It comes with commitments and obligations. One of those obligations is to ensure that your partner is getting all the sex they need, and hopefully a good deal more. There's a stereotype that it's the man who isn't getting enough from his frigid wife ... but as you've discovered, the stereotype sometimes occurs in reverse.

Over the years we have tried counselling, medical doctors, testosterone therapy, talking, honesty and everything I can think of.

What did the various doctors say? Does he have any medical conditions that might account for his lack of interest? Any psychological explanation? Did the testosterone have any effect? Has anyone considered that he might be gay, and you were his beard?

Have you changed during the marriage? Put on weight? Done something to stomp on his self-esteem?

This is just weird ...