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Pole position (21 comments)

Pole position

Friday, March 21, 2008 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: Should I tell my girlfriend that a long time ago – seriously 10 years ago – I slept with a stripper? I really like this girl and I’m worried that she might dump me if she knew I’d done something stupid like that in the past.
cericneesh
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 21, 2008 - 12:32 AM (#41542)

If you're planning on getting married, yes. Otherwise, don't bother, it'll most likely just add complications to your relationship. And if you do tell her, explain that it was ten years ago, you haven't done anything like it since, and you regret it now. Don't do it over the phone, do it in person, and look her in the eyes the entire time. All this will go a long way to keeping her trust.


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Murgatroyd
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 21, 2008 - 03:02 AM (#41545)

Some questions for you:

* Why is it "stupid" to have slept with a stripper?

* Why does your girlfriend need to know this? Have the two of you pledged to divulge your entire sexual histories to each other?

* How will you react when your girlfriend tells you that a previous boyfriend was three inches bigger than you, and much better in bed?


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markdf
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 21, 2008 - 03:17 AM (#41547)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#41545):

I'm with Murgatroyd -- what the hell is wrong with sleeping with a stripper? They're people too, and a lot of them are very good people. Much better, in any case, than the kind of pathetic bigots who look down on strippers.

I say tell her. It would be a good test of her character: if she's so incredibly prissy and uptight that she would break up over this, then you're better off without her and her neurotic puritanism.

Honesty is just about the best way there is of screening horrible people out of your life. When someone tells you about their previous lovers, it's a sign that they respect and trust you. They respect that you're mature enough to handle that knowledge, and trust that you're committed enough to not be put off by it. That you can accept their past, and love them for it, rather than being threatened by it.


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JohnSmallBerries
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 21, 2008 - 08:55 AM (#41548)

There's nothing wrong with sleeping with a stripper - though if she's promiscuous, as with any partner, the wise course of action is to first ascertain whether or not she's regularly tested for STDs. (And hopefully, for her sake, she insists on seeing your recent test results before sleeping with you.)

As to the reader's question, has she divulged her entire sexual history to you? Many people don't want to hear the sordid details of their partner's prior love life; if she's content to let the past remain the past, there's no need for you to volunteer the information. If she insists on complete honesty and full disclosure, that's the time to worry about whether or not she's capable of accepting everything about your sex life prior to meeting her.

And in that case, you may be damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you don't tell her now, but she finds out later, she may be upset that you hid something from her. And she may be upset about it no matter when you tell her. Then again, she might be okay with it. You're hopefully a better judge of her temperament than random strangers on the Internet!


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TheOriginalJes
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 21, 2008 - 09:03 AM (#41549)

I would just like to add that unless there is some particular, pertinent, reason why this memory surfaced now; I wouldn't bother telling her. Sometimes the past should just stay in the past.

If it's something that's just on your mind alot, definitely do NOT tell her. The fact that you couldn't get beyond it would be reason enough to dump you.

And, do try to avoid sub-conciously working it into the conversation. That's like poisoning your own well.

I'd suggest that the best time to tell her, if at all, would be after you've been married and are at least expecting baby #1.

- Cheers


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ElBueno
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 21, 2008 - 10:05 AM (#41551)

The only time your past is any of your significant other's business is when it could potentially endanger your significant other. The extend of your talk with your girlfriend about each other's respective past sexual escapades should go no further than, "You're clean, right? That's all I need to know."

The situation you're in strikes me as a classic example of some women using guilt to manipulate men, and she doesn't even know she's doing it! Arbitrary societal conservatism will make any man or woman feel guilty about something that they did long ago, even if what they did was perfectly normal. How is sleeping with a stripper different from sleeping with a librarian?


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LizKitten
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 21, 2008 - 05:50 PM (#41556)

Well, normally I'd say this wouldn't matter. However, having -met- a few strippers, I'm not entirely sure I'd even consider admitting sleeping with someone that... ah... well, someone possessed with such a profound lack of intellect. So unless you had a classy stripper... *lol*

No, seriously. I'd say it depends on how long you've been with the girl. If it's a long-term relationship, go for it. Chances are your past forays into the world of other sexual partners aren't really going to rock the boat. If you've dated her for three weeks? Like the comic shows, you'll just end up sounding like you're bragging.


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CapnLazarus
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, March 22, 2008 - 03:34 AM (#41568)

Telling her about this is unnecessary and about as smart as sleeping with the stripper was. An impulsive one night stand shouldn't follow you all the days of your life, especially if you're clean of STDs. Quit while you're ahead.


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JohnL
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, March 22, 2008 - 12:46 PM (#41573)

Why is a former lovers occupation important? I could see if you were going out with a politician or something, but a respectable and moral occupation (comparatively) of stripper or even hooker shouldn't be too big of a deal.

Unless your partner and you have agreed to share EVERYTHING about your past love lives, it shouldn't be important.


--
Attribute not to malice that which may be attributed to stupidity or incompetence.
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markdf
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, March 23, 2008 - 01:11 AM (#41579)
In Response to JohnL (#41573):

An impulsive one night stand shouldn't follow you all the days of your life...

Why should an impulsive one night stand be something that anyone would feel the need to hide? What kind of stupid Puritan bullshit is this?

Being ashamed of who you fucked comes from the same ridiculous mindset that leads people to ostracize single mothers and keeps nudity illegal on television. It belongs in the uptight witch-burners of the 17th Century, not in modern folk who should know better.

You should accept the live that you've lived, and anyone who loves you should accept it too. If someone doesn't accept your past, then they don't deserve to be with you.

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Snobahr
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, March 23, 2008 - 07:12 PM (#41594)

Stripper? Big deal. Lawyer or politician, on the other hand, that's relationship-breaking, in my book (I have a brother who's a lawyer. Yyrrrgh, what a jerk - I know whereof I speak).

If your girlfriend is going to dump you for sleeping with a stripper, as has already been stated, you're better off without her.

So, since you've apparently slept with more than 1 person (the stripper and your girlfriend), when was the last time you got an STD screening?

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Murgatroyd
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Monday, March 24, 2008 - 01:10 AM (#41600)

This fellow's need to confess reminds me of the old joke:

An elderly man walks into a Catholic church and goes into a confessional booth. He says through the screen, "I am 92 years old, I have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two hitchhiking college girls. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

The priest asked, "And do you truly repent your sins?"

The man replied, "Repent? Ha! Not in the least!"

Astonished, the priest blurted out, "Good heavens, man! What kind of a Catholic are you?"

The man replied, "I'm not! I'm Jewish!"

"Well then, why are you here?" the priest asked. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Are you kidding?" the man answered. "I'm telling everybody! "


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Kyle_Voltti
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Monday, March 24, 2008 - 10:25 AM (#41612)

unless the stripper was her mother/sister/aunt/cousin/BFF then she really doesn't need to know.


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markdf
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, March 25, 2008 - 02:28 AM (#41629)
In Response to Kyle_Voltti (#41612):

What's with this "doesn't need to know" nonsense? She doesn't NEED to know ANYTHING. When you date someone, you don't even NEED to tell them your real name.

But when someone has to hide things from their partner, then at least one of them is a truly shitty human being. Honesty is the foundation of a good life and of good relationships.

The real question is this: would it be important to her? If so, then you are deceiving her by hiding it. If it's that big a deal to her, then it is extremely dishonest to conceal the truth from her.
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TheOriginalJes
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, March 25, 2008 - 10:54 AM (#41635)
In Response to markdf (#41629):

I completely agree with what Markdf is saying here.

But, at the same time, presentation is everything. As well as why you're choosing to tell her now.

So, why IS this an issue now?


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Threesome
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, March 27, 2008 - 01:06 AM (#41683)

Why is sleeping with a stripper something stupid ?

Did you get a STD ?

Did you fuck her ? On your stag night ? In a pub ? On a pool table ? With half the village watching ? (and no, I am not making this up)

So, unless it had some serious consequences at the time, pat yourself on the back and check off Item #8 on your list of things a man should do before dying -
#8 Sleep with a Stripper - Check

Well done. You're making us men proud.


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Murgatroyd
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, March 27, 2008 - 04:27 AM (#41690)
In Response to Threesome (#41683):

Did you fuck her ? On your stag night ? In a pub ? On a pool table ? With half the village watching ? (and no, I am not making this up)

Oh, my! I wanna know more about this!

Phrase the story as a question, send it to Guigar, and ask us to comment!


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Threesome
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, March 27, 2008 - 02:43 PM (#41703)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#41690):

I can give you the story, but the answer to ANY question would be along the lines of "Snowball. Hell."

Basically, this guy had his stag night in our local pub. Small town in England, a few thousand inhabitants. Back then pubs had to close at 11 pm (last orders at 11 pm, closing shortly after) and so after last orders the party was supposed to become a private affair. Except us regular guests didn't actually leave.

His mates get in the stripper, she does a nice show, sexy woman, and then offers him a free ride since he is getting married.

It's not uncommon for strippers to give specials afterwards, usually in a back room, for about 50 quid. Or, as she assumed it was a private party, right there.

The guy, whose name I am not going to mention, was drunk enough to go for it, but not too drunk, so he could still perform quite well.

He fucked her right there on the pool table, with half the town (okay, not half, but a large number of people) standing around and watching. And taking pictures.

He didn't actually make it home that night, but that was okay, because his ex-bride had been informed about what had happened, with some visual aids to help her get a better picture (digital cameras can really screw up your life).

By the time he got home she had called off the wedding and proceeded to move out of their home.

Of course, if this guy and the person who asked about strippers happens to be the same person, then the answer is "Yes, you better tell your girlfriend now before your friends do it, because there is no way that she won't find out."


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Murgatroyd
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 28, 2008 - 02:45 AM (#41725)

Ha! That damn near qualifies for a Darwin Award! I don't think anyone would have been surprised if she had killed him, and at any rate he was definitely prevented from passing on his DNA ... to his fiancee, at least!


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markdf
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Friday, March 28, 2008 - 09:47 AM (#41757)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#41725):

Yeah, but he got the chance to try and spread his DNA into the stripper population. Who could pass that up?

That's the pursuit of the Darwinian imperative at its finest. Well, maybe not its finest...


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Threesome
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Re: Pole position (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, March 29, 2008 - 06:08 AM (#41825)
In Response to markdf (#41757):

Actually, he wasn't able to spread his DNA into the stripper pool. The woman was a pro, and thus used a condom.

So, no DNA spreading, bride gone, his parents-in-law seriously pissed and his own parents extremely embarrassed. And everybody in his village knowing about him and laughing their ass off.

I guess it's one of those ideas that look good at first and then turn out to be pretty much the worst thing you could do.


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