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Step One... (21 comments)

Step One...

Friday, April 04, 2008 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: What's the one sure way to give my girlfriend a mild-blowing orgasm?
Threesome
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 03:09 AM (#42011)

The one sure way (the only sure way) is to hook up a few electrodes in her brain. Failing that, an overdose of serotonin and dopamine should do the same thing.

No, seriously, there is no one sure way. Since sex is about 68.4% in the head, it all depends on your girl.

I consider myself quite skilled (of course, every man thinks that, but I have references), and I have had girls who just would not orgasm. Face it, when the situation is not right, or the consequences too dire, then chances are good that she won't have one.

Point one of any good sex is finding out her likes and dislikes. She doesn't like having her neck drowned in spit while you chew on her ear ? Then bloody don't.

Find out her fantasies. Then make them come true. If she wants to be taken roughly, do so. If she wants to be treated like a princess - ditto.

Stimulation of the clitoris is always a good one, but don't overdo it, and either she wants it to be a constant movement, or she wants it varied because otherwise she gets numb there.

Pain and pleasure always go hand in hand. Slight spanking might increase her pleasure, or really turn her off.

Another thing that can really work, or blow up in your face is delaying her orgasm. Get her up to the point just before she orgasms, then pull back. Keep her teetering there until she begs you to come. A delayed orgasm can be a lot stronger when finally all that serotonin is released.
This doesn't always work. There are women who, if they don't orgasm, simple drop back to a baseline level BELOW normal arousal levels. That is, they are no longer in the mood.

Another fine one is hypnosis. Hypnosis has the advantage of relaxing her body, making an orgasm more likely, and permitting you to set up scenarios. By concentrating on this like smell, you get a better compliance, and thus can push the orgasm this little bit further.
Of course, this depends on her being hypnotizeable.

The best way would probably be a diamond ring, the bigger the better. Size here correlates with orgasm intensity


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Murgatroyd
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 03:23 AM (#42012)

Q: What's the one sure way to give my girlfriend a mild-blowing orgasm?

Every woman is a unique individual. To give you a definitive answer, I'll have to study her responses to a wide range of stimuli in intimate detail for at least a couple of weeks, and then I'll get back to you. What's her phone number?


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mbnmac
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 03:41 AM (#42013)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#42012):

stick it in her pooper!

...

Ok, seriously, the guys above nailed it, best way is to talk and learn what SHE likes

oh noes! intimacy!


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NunyaBidness
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 09:12 AM (#42015)

I know a woman who was a stripper. She always said that for $500 she'd break the rule about sex, if the client was attractive, for $1000 she'd do it with a woman or let herself be whipped, and for $2000 she'd orgasm during either of the latter.


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ElBueno
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 09:40 AM (#42016)

If you're looking for a win-all move, then you've got a lot to learn about sex.

Most women do not have orgasms during sex, at least not without extra help. For example, when my girlfriend is ready to come, I always have to lift myself up a bit so she can reach down and rub her clitoris for a couple minutes. But even that isn't 100% effective (although we're getting good, probably 99% -- notice my use of the word "we").

It's mostly mental. Particularly in America, a lot of women are just too ashamed of their sexuality to be able to have an orgasm. They spend the whole ritual distracted by thoughts like, "Oh God, do I love him? Does he love me? Have I shaved? Why are his eyes closed? Waaahhhahahahaa..."

You need to give her time. The only reason my girlfriend can come consistently is because we've been together for a long time, and we know how each other's bodies operate. We've spent ages tweaking and tuning our technique. It's not going to happen overnight!

That said, there is one extremely important thing that you can do to help: pay 100% attention to HER. You can have an orgasm on your own any danged time you want, and it's very possible, perhaps even likely, that she cannot. Only pay enough attention to yourself to keep your erection. Otherwise, focus on how she reacts to what you do.

Give her plenty of time to get into the mood. Start high, and work your way down as slow as you can stand. Give every part of her body some attention. If she reacts well to something, make a mental note of it, move on to something else, and then come back to it again after a minute. Let her have a chance to get wet! Don't rush her!

Go down on her if she's comfortable with it -- and if you're capable of being neat about it. Take it slow as with everything else. Five or ten extra minutes of foreplay goes a long way.

Above all else, be patient. Let her know that you want her to come, but don't let her feel like there's any pressure to.

Also, keep this in mind: Some women literally cannot have orgasms, and that's okay! If she can't, she still enjoys herself every time.


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markdf
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 09:57 AM (#42017)
In Response to ElBueno (#42016):

Let's see ... what else, other than the already mentioned facts that

  1. The vulva is rather individualistic

  2. Orgasm is highly psychological for women.

Keep those two facts in mind while listening to / reading other people's advice about sex.

Beyond that, all anyone can tell you are things that worked really well for them.

I got really good results with one GF by pentrating her anally while fucking her with her vibrating dildo at the same time. That kind of double penetration is very stimulating, although not everyone is up for it.

If the woman in question has a relatively shallow vagina, trying using one or two fingers to massage her clitoris from underneath, while going down on her. In my experience, it never fails to cause an extraordinarily intense orgasm.


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CarlosCM
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 12:42 PM (#42021)

The first post wrote about hipnosis. This may be overkill, in my experience there is no woman you can't get in a really great mood by massaging her. Buy an oil with a pleasent smell she likes and rub her down. There's lot's of body, so there's quite a lot of foreplay possibilities. This is also a great way to learn about her body, what she likes and what really turns her on. Take your time.

As for her mind-blowing orgasms, besides what others said, I have only three words:
don't come first!
:)


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zgwortz
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 03:19 PM (#42026)

As people have already pointed out, every woman is different -- there's no one trick which works for everyone. (And I've tried a lot of tricks over the years... :P )

The best way to find out for sure is to *communicate* with her. Experiment with different techniques, positions, and toys, and ask her how they feel. Ask her what's worked in the past. But don't become obsessive over it -- that can actually make her anxious and have the opposite effect.

That said, I know a lot of women who swear by a Hitachi Magic Wand. (Google it) It's not for everyone, though - I know some who find it *way* too intense, and others who can use it to get close, but not quite all the way. But for someone it works on, it can be awesome. (Particularly if they're capable of multiple orgasms and they can't get away for some reason... ;-)


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abb3w
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Sure? (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 04, 2008 - 06:07 PM (#42028)

Mechanical assistance (vibrators, dildos, etc) are an approach I didn't notice mentioned yet; the Rolls Royce model is the Sybian, but since it costs about $1.5k, it's probably not something you want for a "girlfriend". highly effective; if it could cuddle and kill spiders, guys would be in REAL trouble. Some of the glass dildos can double as "art" pieces, are a bit cheaper, and nearly as good.

Hypnosis works; the key is that she is willing to be hypnotized for such ends. Of course, you have to learn hypnotic induction. In my experience, it helps if she has a "sub" streak. Also, she HAS to trust you for it to work.

Depending on the relationship, saying "I love you" at the right instant can change a regular orgasm to mindblowing. That's not a trick for casual recreational use, however.

Aside from that, it mostly depends on individual anatomy and nervous system. If you get a couple books on sensual massage and tell her you want to do experimental research in this direction with her as a subject, she probably won't object until you stop researching or fall into a rut. (For added roleplay fun, buy a lab coat.)


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Threesome
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Re: Sure? (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, April 05, 2008 - 02:59 AM (#42036)
In Response to abb3w (#42028):

One thing that has been mentioned briefly in passing is something rather important.

Men need an orgasm for sex to be really good. It's how we now that we've won. Sure, the whole sex bit is fun and nice, but really, it's the orgasm we are after. Not the ejaculation, although that's the most common, but orgasm in general.

For women the sex part is the important bit. Sure, orgasms are nice, and they can be rather peeved if they don't get them, but for a lot of women an orgasm is an optional bonus, like a cup holder in a car.

If you put them under pressure the enjoyment is taken from sex, and they will be too tense to actually have an orgasm.

My flatmate didn't have an orgasm until she was 24. And this included masturbation. Actually, is frightening if you look at the number of women who don't have orgasms, or who don't know how to masturbate.

Maybe your girlfriend is not capable of "mindblowing" orgasms as seen on TV (TV very often does not portrait real life). Some women just become very still, get slightly flushed, and that's it.

Others ... no so quiet.

Often, women "enhance" their orgasms, or sexual sounds, to help us men know when we do something right.

Which brings me to the question I should have asked in the beginning (but this thread is so much fun) - WHY do you want to give your girlfriend a mind-blowing orgasm ?

Does she have orgasms, but has mentioned the desire to have a big one ? Do you feel less of a man because you see on TV people having sex really loudly ? Would it turn you on to hear her making sex sounds ? Is there something else one of you would like to be doing but hasn't dared to mention (BDSM, feces, gang bang, outdoor, or weird roleplaying, just for starters) ?
Has she actually mentioned anything, or are you just assuming that she wants/needs one ?

Oh, and in case you two are part of the Rave scene - no more E's. XTC, also known as Ecstacy, is a drug which causes the neurotransmitter serotonin to be released in one go, all of it. Since having an orgasm also depends on serotonin that will then not happen. People on E have known to shag the whole night, desperate to orgasm, but never getting there. Besides, drugs are bad, m'kay ?


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markdf
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, April 05, 2008 - 02:11 PM (#42043)
In Response to CarlosCM (#42021):

n my experience there is no woman you can't get in a really great mood by massaging her. Buy an oil with a pleasent smell she likes and rub her down. There's lot's of body, so there's quite a lot of foreplay possibilities. This is also a great way to learn about her body, what she likes and what really turns her on. Take your time.

Indeed. As far as foreplay techniques go, massage stands WAY out in front. Alcohol is probably the only thing that even comes close.

On more than one occasion, it's turned "it's too soon" into "there are condoms in the dresser drawer". I really can't overstate just how arousing a good massage can be for many women.


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Threesome
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, April 06, 2008 - 03:08 AM (#42047)
In Response to markdf (#42043):

Yes, massage is a wonderful thing - I cannot stress how often my offer of a massage (combined with the massage itself) has opened door and gates and parted the Red Sea itself.

Of course, this might REALLY backfire if she then thinks a) that you are gay and thus rules out the idea that you want to have sex with her
or
b) falls asleep.

Also, massage is not a cure-all. It can be arousing and relaxing, but sometimes that is not enough to batter against the sexual morals of a century that should be dead and buried six feet under but is still prancing around like a pony on crack.


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markdf
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, April 06, 2008 - 10:10 AM (#42048)
In Response to Threesome (#42047):

Of course, this might REALLY backfire if she then thinks a) that you are gay and thus rules out the idea that you want to have sex with her or b) falls asleep.

 I recommend reading a book about massage. When you do it right, a massage is actually rather stimulating, and there's no chance of her falling asleep unless she's truly exhausted.

 And if you're giving a really good massage, the girl knows that it will be an even better massage if her shirt isn't in the way -- and by pointing this out, there's no chance she'll mistake you for gay. She lying on her front, so its still a fairly modest position (like tanning).

 That's why massage works so well. It's like a step-ladder of intimacy, letting you make small advances until, before you know it, you're at the top.


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Threesome
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Monday, April 07, 2008 - 02:36 AM (#42055)
In Response to markdf (#42048):

Mmmmh - read a book ... you know, I think I did that, once.

Of course, after that, and a bit practice I worked as a masseur at a wellness place.

So, if you say there is no chance of her falling asleep then there must be no chance that she might, in fact, fall asleep.

Once again I would like to postulate that women are, despite whatever TV and Hollywood may try think, all rather unique.

Some women like it rough, some like it gentle, some like to be treated like a princess - and for some the intimacy of the massage permits them to feel so safe and protected that they can permit themselves to fall asleep.

But yes, massage is a good way of getting the girl naked, and if she is naked then you are much closer to your goal.
You may call it "stepladder-to-intimacy", which is a good name, I prefer to think of it as "foot-in-the-door" technique.


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NunyaBidness
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Monday, April 07, 2008 - 07:28 AM (#42056)
In Response to Threesome (#42055):

If your technique involves putting a foot ANYWHERE, I expect she'll look horrified and say no.;-)


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LizKitten
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Monday, April 07, 2008 - 11:21 AM (#42060)

Well, darling, it's different for every woman. Some of us just can't. God knows most people men or women can't do it for me; I have to do it myself, but I do appreciate all the help I can get.

Here's something that's worked really, really well for me in the past. Get her just a teensy bit likkered up (for a lack of inhibition), get naked, get her naked, wrap yourself up around her from behind. Have her show you how she masturbates, doing it with her fingers over yours. Keep this slow for a little while; get her to talk about her fantasies. Once you figure out what vein they're in, elaborate. There's nothing hotter than masturbating a girl and talking about (my girl happens to have a major thing for anonymous gangbang that I'm secretly masterminding), and it gets you up and running too. I promise it'll get you laid. =D


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meshugunah
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Monday, April 07, 2008 - 05:41 PM (#42064)

Oh, for heaven's sake... ASK HER!!!
This is the difference between being a sex partner and being a lover. Lovers teach each other what pleases them.


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Murgatroyd
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, April 08, 2008 - 12:41 AM (#42066)

If your technique involves putting a foot ANYWHERE, I expect she'll look horrified and say no.;-)

A foot is a bit much. On the other hand, there are places where they'd be delighted to put nine inches ...


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inuchan01
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, April 08, 2008 - 01:13 AM (#42067)

I also highly recommend the massage technique! It's a treat for the both of you.


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Epideme
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 11, 2008 - 07:30 AM (#42108)

Guys, you've got it all wrong.

The question the reader wrote was "Q: What's the one sure way to give my girlfriend a mild-blowing orgasm?"

He didn't want to know how to give her a mind-blowing orgasm... :P


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LisaDroesdov
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Re: Step One... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 18, 2008 - 10:20 PM (#42297)

@Epideme-

But does he want to give her an orgasm that blows mildly (versus an orgasm that REALLY blows!), or an orgasm WHILE she mildly blows HIM?

The answer could be very different!


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