Doused Spouse

but how do I stay faithful in a relationship if the attraction isn’t there anymore?

 I would hope that your desire to not destroy your marriage would be enough. I mean, you obviously care deeply about this woman -- and from the sounds of it, you have family. That's reason enough to put your libido on the back seat, download some extra porn, and accept that you'll have to make some sacrifices.

 Of course, you might be able to improve your lot; why not take up an athletic activity with your wife, like tennis or hiking? Once you're both in better shape, more energetic, and getting all adrenal with each other, you might find that your relationship has a bit more vitality than it used to.

Does she have a younger sister with a naughty schoolgirl costume that she could borrow?

I'm sure I've read somewhere about this fantasy being a powerful aphrodisiac... 8-)}

While this may be something that most couples experience, in some way or other, there is no need to just give up.

The main complaint you are having, if I get this right, is that she is never the one to initiate things. So the whole onus falls on you. Quite possibly she also does not act very much during the sex, leaving you with the feeling that she may not want you anymore. Which then leads to a reduced desire towards her.

First of all, the usual thing I always, always, always suggest - talk to her. Find out how she feels (but please try to be diplomatic about the whole thing. "I don't think you are sexy anymore" should be avoided).

Find out if there is anything she has secretly wanted to try, or maybe there is something you would like to try. There is a reason that couples that have been together for a long time try out new and exotic forms, such as bondage or S/M.

And ten there is the Coolige effect. You are not attracted to your wife NOW, but throw her into some nice costume, add a bit of roleplaying, and it's almost as good as a new wife.

And if it all does not work - maybe you could negotiate with your wife that you could take a mistress. Or a French Maid. Just don't be upset if she wants the same right.

Well, sir, have you discussed this matter with her? It sounds to me-- and please excuse me if I'm using what my best (gay) friend refers to as faulty woman logic-- like you feel unattractive because she never pursues you. That has to affect how attracted you are to her, and your performance as a couple in the bedroom.

Also, what I refer to as 'vanilla sex'-- i.e., sex with no roleplaying, bondage, toys, or any sort of kink-- does get boring after awhile. I mean, there are only so many positions for those of us who aren't Olympic gymnasts. Maybe it's time to start exploring your fantasies with her. Just try opening up to her about what you feel might work to bring your sex drive back online.

I'm not so sure that the type of sex you're having is the problem, unless you're into something younger. In fact, I think the lack of sexual interest may possibly be symptomatic of something else.

- I'm sure you love your wife, but do you like her much, lately? Do you think about her when you first wake up? Do you still feel anticipation when coming home to her? Something else could be tainting your daily lives. Whether it be the rut of a routine or sacrificing your desires to provide for your family (it's not un-common for people to want more for themselves).

- So, you say you've gained a couple of pounds... Once you hit that certain age, your body just isn't the same. And a reduction or lack of physical activity can keep someone in a bad or un-motivated mood. As suggested earlier, try adding some activity(ies) to your routine.

- What about outside stress? How's your job? your family/friends? If you don't know, maybe it's past time to find out.

- When was your last vacation? and how did you spend it?