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He really blew it...in Reader Questions by GuigarFriday, May 23, 2008 - 12:04 AM
A reader writes... My husband has a particularly disgusting euphemism for oral sex. I don't mind the act, but I hate the phrase. I need to either encourage him to use a new one or convince him to stop using euphemisms all together.
posted Friday, May 23, 2008 - 12:34 AM (#42847)
Eeeasy. Just don't participate when he uses the "euphemism". Give him the choice: I'm sure he knows which option is the correct one. If he picks (a), he can't have (b). That makes it REALLY clear. posted Friday, May 23, 2008 - 01:07 AM (#42850)
Assuming he's reasonable, explaining why the euphamism upsets you should be enough. If not, optoion #2 is to explain to him that it REALLY kills the mood for you. If he still persists, option #3 is to demonstrate option #2. I don't often suggest withholding sex as punishment, but when the bad behavior is sex related, it seems to fit the bill. As an alternate option, you could try using a disgustingly cute euphemism to ruin his mood. Nothing quite shuts down my libido like baby talk. posted Friday, May 23, 2008 - 11:35 AM (#42861)
Funny how some assume she's giving and not receiving... posted Friday, May 23, 2008 - 03:49 PM (#42865)
I was thinking the same as TheOriginalJes. Assuming it's his term for you going south on him, I concur with the threat of negative reinforcement in the form of a counter-comment, but make it clear that you're only going to do it when he starts it. I had a boyfriend that had a similar problem with using terminology ("polish the knob") that made me uncomfortable. So, when it came up, I'd say "THERE'S my widdle dickie!" Speaking as a male (I'm bi), that phrase would have bugged the hell outta me (as it did him). If it's him going south on you, I'd recommend going all frigid and cite the comment as a libido-killer. Note: This does not imply you should simply skip the foreplay and go straight to the main event; cut it off entirely. This will wrap itself up quickly. Nihilism lacks the ironic edge you need in a postmodern moral outlook. I've shifted to Nietzschean Perspectivism, heavily alloyed with Mechanistic Determinism and Grey Goose Vodka. Noli evocare quod reprimere non potes, eh? posted Friday, May 23, 2008 - 06:07 PM (#42868)
Maybe when he gets sexually aroused, he loses his self-censoring ability to control what comes out of his mouth. Perhaps using the mystery 'euphemism' turns him on. Perhaps model for him an alternative form of 'dirty talk' for the euphemism when he crosses your auditory boundary. By the way, you never mention the actual 'euphemism', so it is tough to give you any more specific advice. You must really hate it. posted Friday, May 23, 2008 - 11:29 PM (#42872)
Have you told him it bothers you? If not, do so already-- quit telling strangers on the internet you hate it, and tell HIM. A smart man who enjoys having a woman who engages in oral sex will stop using the term immediately after a couple repetitions of, "Sorry, dear, I hate that euphemism. It disgusts me and is a total turnoff." If you've tried that one already and he's a bit slow on the uptake, explain more clearly, "If you request oral sex by asking me to __________ (or asking to _______ me), I will generally be glad to oblige. If you request oral sex by saying ___________, I will not." posted Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 01:43 PM (#42888)
Wait, I don't understand. This is your husband, right? ...the man you've chosen to share the rest of your life with? Why don't you just tell him. posted Sunday, May 25, 2008 - 11:15 PM (#42892)
What Lisa said! When she's right, she's right. But I still want to know what the "disgusting" phrase is ... posted Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 06:32 PM (#43033)
If for some reason, he's reluctant to change his choice of euphemism, try this: Come up with your own euphemism, and use it exclusively. Initiate oral sex regularly, using your own euphemism without gving him a chance to employ his own. And then make it mindblowing. Be enthusiastic, employ tricks you've read about, really go to town. Do the same when he refers to oral sex using your term, but when he uses the euphemism that you dislike, either don't deliver or, better IMO, perform poorly. Be listless, act distracted, check your imagination at the door. The combination of positive and negative feedback should adjust his vocabulary readily.
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