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POLL RESULTS: www.KissesLikeAFish.com: (21 comments)

POLL: www.KissesLikeAFish.com

Friday, August 01, 2008 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: After a couple of dates with a girl, I learned that she had a blog. A couple of Google searches later, I found it and discovered that she had been writing detailed reviews of our dates -- even commenting on my kissing techniques. I liked her a lot but felt betrayed. When I asked her about it, she claimed I had read what amounted to a private journal and that I was at fault. What do you think?

POLL: Is it OK to blog about a date?
 
10% (148) Yes! Why not?
 
13% (198) Yes, but only if it's a private blog
 
76% (1127) No! There's no such thing as "private" on the Net!
1473 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Snobahr
Lover

Posts: 15

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 12:49 AM (#44021)

If she didn't want you to read it, she should have set the blog entry friends-only. Even that's not entirely google-safe, but it's safer than blogging/twittering to the entire 'net. No, you're not at fault for looking up your own name online. She's at fault for not making any effort to keep from you any info she might have put online. If she didn't want it read, she wouldn't have put it online at all.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 03:34 AM (#44022)

What do you think?

Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!

She made two mistakes: Thinking that what she posted on a blog wouldn't be read (Duh! That's the point!) and then trying to claim that you were the one at fault for reading a public posting.

Let this be an indicator to you of how this girl operates. Here's the forecast: whatever happens that turns out badly will be your fault, never hers.

If I were in your shoes, I would (A) drop her, and (B) tell this story in my own blog both as a warning to others and to give her a taste of her own medicine.


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Bdave
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 03:55 AM (#44023)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#44022):

Her blogging about your dates isn't that bad, tasteless and tacky perhaps. but for her then to be offended that you invaded her privacy suggests she doesn't... understand how the world works. bluntly put this is tacky, tasteless and if she genujnely thinks this was private then she's stupid


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CarlosCM
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Posts: 12

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 05:47 AM (#44024)

I'm with Murgatroyd. Everything bad that will happen in this relationship will be your fault, she will be always on the side of right.

You might want to try to explain to her, that anything not password-protected on the net isn't private.

If she still doesn't understand how you feel, ask her how she would feel if you made your own blog with your own reviews of her.


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Uriko
Lover

Posts: 19

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 06:27 AM (#44025)

I can only agree with the rest - putting up something on the net, claiming it to be your fault for reading it, is just stupid. And it could definitely seem like she isn't very responsible, so I'd dumb her on the spot. If it was private, she should have written a diary, not a blog...


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moebius8
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Posts: 1

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 06:46 AM (#44026)

she will not only always be right about anything and everything that happens badly. she will blog about it!
do you really want every detail of your relationship laid open for the world to see?
this reminds me in a small way of the
white house intern who blogged about her affairs. it didnt go well for her or her partners either.
I hate to say it but you may have to let this relationship go.


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Chobbit
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Aug 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 08:33 AM (#44028)

Another question is, does she use your real name, or a name that is recognizable as you?

If the blog is pretty much annonymous, with only her close friends knowing it's her, then it is the equivalent of her telling her friends, while just providing a story to the rest of the world.

If she does provide enough information, that an interested outsider could determine who you are through it, then I'd say yes, you would be totally in the right getting upset.

The internet, especially blogs, myspace, facebook, etc, are increasingly being used by employers to check out the personality of the applicant. What's to stop future girlfriends from doing the same? Go out with someone and have a nice first date, and if they are worth considdering for a second, go home and check online to see what kind of info is available about them. For example, did this person break up with their previous date in a horrible way and discuss it in a public blog as comedy? Of course, looking up an ex-girlfriends blog would have to be taken with a grain of salt, since slander is very easy on the web.

In that light, if your name could be pulled out of it, then she should considder that the info could be read by people you hope to be important to in the future. And likewise, the level of anger you feel should be equalized to what has been told.

You mention that your kissing techniques were displayed. In what light? Did she post saying you need help, and ask for comments on how to approach you and help you improve? Or was she closer to the other extreme, describing exactly how bad you are, and warning others to steer clear?

If the former, perhaps suggest an annonymous blog that she can keep, where her close friends know the name, and you promise not to snoop, where she can post about you, looking for advice from others. Communication is usually key in a relationship, but if the girl is scared and unsure how to approach, then she may need advice.

But note, I did say annonymous. Ie a completely random name, and keep private info to a minimum. That way, it's just a random girl on the web asking advice, and can't be traced back to harm you.

So, determine how much can be traced back to you, and realize that a girl is going to tell her best friends how her date went, and all the info that guys usually don't share to that detail. And if she's providing the web a random story that doesn't directly affect you, then why worry about it?

Note: Communication is key. Yes, she could have been wrong about posting details about your date, but she might also be angry at you because you blew up and got angry about something she felt wasn't that bad. So talk it out, describe your feelings on the subject and try to work out a good compromize.


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Water
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Aug 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 08:33 AM (#44029)

I'm surprised she's that vain to even write something like that on the Internet. Writing in a personal paper journal would be more tasteful and easier to review, should she have wanted to keep the memory. I do have to agree with everyone else, though. What she did was in bad taste at the very least, and this is a good indication of how your relationship would develop with her should you continue. It probably isn't worth it. My condolences.


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lwacks
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 09:41 AM (#44031)

Blogs are a great way to share, learn, and even release pent up emotions. Yes, the girl posted publicly information about your dates, that means she thought you were worth talking about. You said you liked her, so go with your gut. Because if she wasn't typing it, she would just be telling her friends about it anyway. The only difference is you can get actual real wording as opposed to word of mouth.

Also remember there are tons of blogs out there in the internet, most are probablly not looked at by anyone other then friends who already know about it. You indicated yourself that it took SEVERAL Google searches to locate the blog.

She should however remember she did post publicly, so she can't be upset at you for reading the blog, and she should remember if it is something she doesn't want you to know then she shouldn't write it there!


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TheOriginalJes
Lover

Posts: 205

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 11:30 AM (#44032)

This reminds me of one of my ex's (11+ years ago). I wasn't even dating this girl long. She was all about the attention.

I agree that you should dump her. Better yet, just lose her number and forget all about her.

But, if you start tit-for-tat blogging, you're just giving her the attention she wants; and setting yourself up to go from an embarrassing situation to a public flaying.

p.s. The girl I was dating didn't blog, she called MTV's Lovelines to complain very publicly because she knew I watched the show.


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markmonlux
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Posts: 1

Registered:
Apr 2007
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 12:11 PM (#44034)

Run.


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LizKitten
Lover

Posts: 19

Registered:
Feb 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 01:08 PM (#44036)

... Was it blogging, or MySpace public journalling?

Blogging is, generally speaking, a pretentious habit. (Like, I wouldn't date a blogger.) People giving unasked for advice... Blah. No thank you. But if it's an actual blog, chances of someone running across it to read it are pretty low.

If it's MySpace? I'd just sort of quit calling. Normally I'd say I'd throw a fit but you don't want THAT to end up on MySpace too.


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Shadowydreamer
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 02:18 PM (#44038)
In Response to LizKitten (#44036):

So all webcomic artist/authors are pretentious? I've never been so complemented! :D

I'd, personally, say this is a 25-75 mess. YOU went digging for her journal, SHE went posting stuff she apparently didn't want the world to read.

Yes, it's not like you broke into her room, searched her belongings and then found and read her diary, but you did actively look.

Now, take the review with a grain of salt and find someone else, would be my advice.


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The1Paladin
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Mar 2003
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 01, 2008 - 03:23 PM (#44039)

I don't have time to read all the replies at this point, but I wanted to point out that it is okay for her to blog about it if she wants, but very naive of her to believe that anything she put on the net would be private.


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LizKitten
Lover

Posts: 19

Registered:
Feb 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, August 02, 2008 - 04:14 AM (#44043)
In Response to Shadowydreamer (#44038):

It's different if it's art. (I consider literature art.)

If it's your opinions... Man, I'm assuming you're posting it on the Internet because your friends don't want to hear it, you know? Every time I get sent to a blog I just get frustrated because naturally their opinions are all correct, no matter what their opinions are.


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CasualNotice
Lover

Posts: 49

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, August 02, 2008 - 08:28 AM (#44044)

She wasn't wrong for expresing her opinion. Tacky, yes, but there is nothing legally or morally wrong with discussing what we see as faults in others. She's an idiot for doing it publicly, and a jerk for trying to turn your hurt against you by accusing you of "snooping".

Dump her or not, it's your choice, but understand that anything you do that she doesn't necessarily like will end up on the dailies.

Also, try to improve your kissing technique.


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lwj2
Lover

Posts: 33

Registered:
Feb 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, August 02, 2008 - 09:40 AM (#44045)

You might want to review your kissing techinic.

That said, you're hosed as far as this relationship is concerned. Neither of you is likely to (a) deal with your reading her "private" blog or (b) accept that she wrote publicly about what you, at least, consider to be private.

No comment on the fact that she considers a publicly accessible blog to be "private."


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ErikTheRed
Lover

Posts: 25

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, August 02, 2008 - 12:01 PM (#44050)

I have to agree with most of the people here:

1) What she did was tacky at best.

2) It's not your fault for finding it.

3) She's an idiot if she really thinks anything on the Internet is private.

4) You should dump her like a bad habit.

5) In the process of dumping her, you should point her to this forum :-)


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pecoros7
Lover

Posts: 16

Registered:
May 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, August 03, 2008 - 04:36 AM (#44066)

There are a few issues to deal with here, the first being Your right to privacy in a relationship. You have a right to expect that intimate details of a romantic relationship won't be disclosed publcly. It's a trust thing. In fact, it's a vital part of intimacy; sharing with someone what you would not share publicly.

If you feel that blogging violated your trust, you have every right to be upset. Trust is important to a ealthy relationship. Imagine being with someone when you're afraid that any little mistake you make will be publshed to the internet.

The second issue I see here is the question of whether or not a blog can ever be considered private. Even if she intended only for her close friends to read it, publishing information on the internet makes it available to the world. It's like shouting in a crowded room. The message was intended for one person, but the whole room heard it.

Private journals are usually kept concealed. She could just as easily typed up her journal entries on word pad and saved them onto her computer. The process is essentially the same as blogging, but the content isn't public. If she didn't want her blog to be accessable, she shouldn't be writing a blog.

The third issue I can see is her reaction to you finding her blog. She has posted potentially embarrassing comments about you for the world to read and blames you for reading them. She tells you that you are at fault for having your feelings hurt.

Everybody is responsible for what they say. The fact that she said something hurtful about you isn't changed by the fact that she didn't intend for you to know. She's trying to dodge responsibility for her actions by blaming you for getting hurt. Just imagine the alibi, "Sure I killed a man, but I wasn't supposed to get caught! I did it in private!"

If the relationship is still young (and it sounds like it is), get out now. You don't have enough invested in it to be worth this. If you want to work it out, make sre she knows whay you feel hurt and why you don't believe you did anything wrong. If the two of you can reach an understanding, great. If you can't, find someone else.


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TheOriginalJes
Lover

Posts: 205

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Monday, August 04, 2008 - 03:13 PM (#44081)

Actually, I don't agree that anyone is automatically entitled to the respect of 'privacy' just for being in a relationship. Both parties have the right to talk to anyone they wish or publish anything they choose about their first-hand experiences.

That being said, it's still very low-class to do so without full disclosure beforehand. It's just as bad as telling your drinking buddies that you "hit that". But I also don't see it as any worse, because a gentleman never tells. That's just the descent thing to do.

We have to understand that our right to privacy only extends to what we wish to keep to ourselves. When others are involved, there has to be a consensus. So we'd better be on the same page with those we share our lives with. That way we can enjoy the descency and respect of a healthy relationship.


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pecoros7
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Posts: 16

Registered:
May 2008
Re: www.KissesLikeAFish.com (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, August 07, 2008 - 01:00 AM (#44120)
In Response to TheOriginalJes (#44081):

Perhaps we don't have a 'right' to privacy, but we certainly have the right to basic human respect. Publicly embarrassing him in such a manner is inexcusable.


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