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POLL RESULTS: Any friend of yours...: (3 comments)

POLL: Any friend of yours...

Friday, September 05, 2008 - 12:02 AM

A reader writes... Q: Do you have any advice on how to handle friendships when you're in a relationship? My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and we're doing great, but he doesn't love my friends and his pals bore me. Should we try to make friends with new people or just accept that we'll hang out with our friends separately forever?

POLL: You should be friends with your significant other's friends...
 
6% (49) Yes! It's crucial to the relationship
 
16% (136) No! I'm dating one person, not the person's friends
 
77% (631) Maximize the friends you can stomach, and downplay the ones you can't stand
816 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Any friend of yours... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 05, 2008 - 01:05 AM (#44608)

I'm sure that your friends have people -you- don't like very much. Make the best of it. Be honest with your boyfriend; if you don't like someone, don't pretend that you like him, but don't put him down to your boyfriend, either. There's no easy solution for how to balance your lives so that you get time with your boyfriend, but he also gets time with his before-you friends; that's how relationships work. Respect his friendships because you love him, and expect the same in return, just...be wary of ultimatums ("Never talk to your buddy again, or...") - kind of a manipulative, evil-wench thing to do.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Any friend of yours... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 05, 2008 - 03:02 AM (#44611)

Maximize the friends you can stomach, and downplay the ones you can't stand ...

... and try to cultivate new mutual friends. Are there any activities that you and he like to do together, other than schtupping?


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Paulius
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Aug 2008
Re: Any friend of yours... (Score: 1)
posted Wednesday, September 10, 2008 - 07:14 PM (#44701)

The only thing to really avoid is either of you forcing the other into the situation of choosing between their friends or yourselves.

Quite simply, EVERYONE is capable of spending some time with people they don't particularly like...as long as they're not asked to do it all the time.

Case in point, one of my exes absolutely despised one of my happily married female friends (Someone I'd been friends with since I was four years old)...and less than six weeks into the relationship gave me the choice of keeping my friendship or keeping her.

There was no choice. A six week relationship or a twenty-five year friendship? I broke up with her immediately.

Today, my wife and I both have friends that the other dislikes, but as I said above, as long as both of us occasionally make the effort, it's not really a problem.

The truth is I don't know anyone who universally gets on with their partner's friends...just be willing to spend the odd day with them and ask your partner to do the same.


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