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POLL RESULTS: A Burning Issue...: (10 comments)

POLL: A Burning Issue...

Friday, September 12, 2008 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: What's the proper etiquette for telling someone that they gave you an STD? I've been dating this guy for six weeks and recently developed a burning sensation. I went to my doctor, who says it's chlamydia. She gave me antibiotics, which will kill the infection, but obviously I cannot sleep with this guy again. He told me he wasn't dating anyone else. Now that I know he was lying I'm inclined to break up with him. Should I tell him about the STD or just break it off?

POLL: What's the best way to notify someone that s/he has transmitted a STD?
 
73% (793) Face to face, just like when it happened.
 
9% (101) A letter, e-mail or phone call.
 
2% (31) Give him/her one back.
 
14% (154) Violence is never the answer. But...
1079 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Thenodrin
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
May 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 12, 2008 - 12:33 AM (#44713)

I told an ex-girlfriend about the STD she gave me. She had the nerve to get mad at me and ask me why I was checked for STDs. I'm ashamed to say that I didn't tell her that I was checked because I knew she had been repeatedly unfaithful to me.

I do think that telling her to her face was the right thing to do. And, I think that telling the other people I knew she had had sex with in that time period was the right thing to do as well.

They deserved to know, and she clearly wasn't going to tell them.

Theno


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Uriko
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Posts: 19

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 12, 2008 - 01:00 AM (#44714)

Face to face is the best way to do it.

And now I don't know very much about chlamydia. I'm the kind of girl who sends the guy to the doctor's office for a check before I sleep with them... but you said that you know he was lying when he said he wasn't dating anyone else, because of the STD - isn't it possible that he could have had it from his former girlfriend, so it has just been lying there unnoticed? Just a consideration.

But again, tell him pronto! IF he's with someone else, it's better to make him know that he should contact the girls he could have infected.


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Murgatroyd
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Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 12, 2008 - 01:28 AM (#44715)

Tell him face to face, and give him a chance to defend himself -- and to get cured, too.

Dumping him without telling him about it would be more evil than him giving it to you ... how many other women would you be responsible for letting him infect, all because he didn't know he had an STD?

And unless you're absolutely sure he's been unfaithful, you might want to reconsider your unconditional rejection of him. Some STDs can lie dormant for months, even years.


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Stevarooni
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From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 12, 2008 - 07:03 AM (#44716)
Now that I know he was lying I'm inclined to break up with him.
Inclined?!? :P "Hey, Chubbs, I'm breaking up with you. Also: You gave me Chlamydia. Have a nice life." Very clear, easy to say, and quite informative.
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Kennybo67
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Posts: 1

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Sep 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 12, 2008 - 10:04 AM (#44718)

You know, personally, I'd Talk about it with someone if I were in that same boat.

You see, I work in a busy std clinic several days a week, we see around 35 people, minimum, each day, and most people have no idea how Chlamydia works.

A large number of people, about half (according to CDC it's more, but I'm going from personal observation), have no symptoms from Chlamydia and no idea they have it.
A person can have it for a decade with no symptoms, especially a female. So this fellow didn't necessarily sleep with anyone else in years.

Of course, in the end, that also doesn't mean he Didn't sleep with someone else, or that he Didn't know he had Chlamydia.
When it comes down to it, you simply Cannot Trust Anyone about thier std status!
As I like to tell young women who've contracted STDs - Make him buy a good condom 'cause I am pretty sure you're worth the two dollars one costs, and if he's not willing to do that, find someone who puts at least that much value on you to be with'.


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dbmurata
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Posts: 1

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Sep 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 12, 2008 - 01:56 PM (#44723)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#44715):

Being absolutely sure about all of the factors is important. I had an infection that the doctor (rather dismissively) said was chlamydia, but I requested that they test the infection to make sure. I've never been unfaithful to my wife and I trust that she hasn't been unfaithful to me, either. It turned out that it wasn't any form of STD at all, just a UTI. Doctors can be wrong, too.
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TheOriginalJes
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Posts: 205

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Jan 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 12, 2008 - 04:25 PM (#44725)

Now that the sensible, serious answers are out of the way...

- Why not say it with a process server?

- Hire a skywriter, and be sure to use his full name.

- Send him a cactus with a note, "from one prick to another."

- Write him a poem,

I see London
I see France
There's a problem in your pants!

- text him with a wikipedia link.

You know, get creative. Make it memorable for him, so he doesn't do it again.


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abb3w
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Posts: 46

Registered:
Jan 2008
Never attribute to Malice what is explained by Stu (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, September 13, 2008 - 12:23 AM (#44728)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#44715):

I'm not sure about face to face, but you should definitely let him know, as he may have caught it before he met you. On the bright side, it's one of the curable ones. Of course, no matter what this does mean he was foolish/careless enough to catch an STD... but then, so were you. It also means he was careless enough to pass it on. Both are signs for caution, but not (quite) grounds for an automatic dump.

While a break up isn't automatic, in that situation I'd want to track down who he caught it from. If he can, you might help limit the spread just that much more (and nail down the timetable). If he can't figure it out, you may presume his habits are hopelessly unacceptably incautious. (And learn from it that you should use a barrier method!)
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pecoros7
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Posts: 16

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May 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, September 13, 2008 - 01:38 PM (#44732)

My understanding of chlamydia is that it can remain asymptomatic for months or years. You have to consider the possibility that he got it from his last girlfriend and never had symptoms.

 Unless you were tested between boyfriends, you have to consider the possibility that you could have got it from a previous relationship, too. In fact, you may have given HIM chlamydia. Don't assume he gave it to you unless you are absolutely certain you were clean before you hooked up.

 Regardless of who gave who what, you both had to be careless to pass it on. Six weeks is too short a time to trust a guy enough to not use a barrier.


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Hammy
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Posts: 10

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Jun 2008
Re: A Burning Issue... (Score: 1)
posted Wednesday, September 17, 2008 - 04:15 PM (#44798)

Really?? You ask THIS question on an online forum for help with? Questions regarding your logic processing capability aside, you HAVE to talk to your man about this! I mean, COME ON! If you didn't get it from him then there is a sure as hell chance he got it from you!!! So either way you gotta talk.

I can't believe you are even hesitating about this!! If I got an STD from some chick, you can GUARANTEE that I'd have websites, newspaper articles and television ads about the fact that the chick had STDs...and I'm talking SUPERBOWL quality commercials too!


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