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POLL RESULTS: While you were out...: (8 comments)

POLL: While you were out...

Friday, October 03, 2008 - 12:04 AM

A reader writes... I have been dating my girlfriend for three years. In the past few months, she has grown really cold toward our relationship. I am quite busy, and I didn't go out with her for about a month. During that time, she got really close with another guy. She was hanging out with him, clubbing until 5 a.m. I try to do anything I can to please her, but there's been very little chance for me to meet up with her lately because she has been really busy. What should I do? I am not an obsessive person by the way. I just want things the way they were before.

POLL: This guy can get things back to the way they were... all he has to do is...
 
5% (67) Compete with the new boyfriend
 
0% (7) Buy her a stunning gift
 
37% (496) Be available more often
 
56% (747) Fly around the earth backwards and turn back time
1317 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: While you were out... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 03, 2008 - 01:05 AM (#45312)

Face it, fella -- you blew it. You made it quite clear to her that you didn't have time for her because you were busy with other things. Now she's making it clear to you that she doesn't have time for anyone who doesn't have time for her.

If you're "too busy" to go out with your girlfriend for an entire month, then why bother with having a girlfriend at all? What's the point? Where did you think the relationship was going?

Learn and move on. And don't be such a self-centered moron next time.


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LadyJ
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Sep 2008
Re: While you were out... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 03, 2008 - 07:29 AM (#45318)

It might be salvagable. After all, she hasn't left you yet. Try going along with her when she goes out. Or sit down and have a talk with her about how sorry you are that you didn't have time for her, and explain that you are trying to make it up to her.
As for the guy she's clubbing with till 5am, I can see why you would be wary. Don't make acusations without evidence. It will only put her on the defensive whether something is going on or not. I don't know enough about eithor of you, so I can't say if it's something to worry about. It could be a lot of things. If clubbing that late is not unusual for her, then it's could be nothing. If it is unusual, it could be a what you're thinking, or she could be trying to make you jealous to get your attention. Or any number of other things.


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Paulius
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Aug 2008
Re: While you were out... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 03, 2008 - 10:44 AM (#45322)

I hate to say it, but I think your relationship is over. I seriously doubt that she's been 'really busy' either.

Long story short, she's 'cold' towards you, spending a lot of time with another guy, she's avoiding spending time with you and is out clubbing without you until 5am. It doesn't take a master-detective to see that she's moving on.

It may be salvageable, but it's going to take a herculean effort from you...and the sad truth is she may have already decided that your relationship is over anyway.

The only advice I can give is to learn from this experience. It doesn't matter how busy you are, not actually seeing your long term girlfriend once in a month is a one-way ticket to singlesville.


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dirge93
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: While you were out... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 03, 2008 - 11:01 AM (#45323)

You were too busy for her previously, and now she's too busy for you. The fact that she's not too busy for a new guy pretty much sums it all up. People make time for those who are important to them, and that's not you anymore. Learn from this and try to do better with your next relationship, 'cause this one is over.


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Maeloch
Lover

Posts: 12

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: While you were out... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 03, 2008 - 11:52 AM (#45328)

Your relationship is over. It sounds like both of you have lost interest in keeping this relationship alive, but neither of you is brave enough to end it.

People who love each other make time for each other. Both my girlfriend and I are very busy, yet I manage to see her almost every day. On weekdays, I usually see her from 9PM to midnight, but the key is that we make time to be together.

I wouldn't blame either of you for what has happened, because any relationship that isn't actively pursued by both partners withers and dies.

I think that you should tell her you need to talk, and break off the relationship. Tell her you have grown apart. If she gets upset and doesn't want to break up, then maybe there is something to salvage. However, I think that it is more likely that she will be relieved that it is officially over.

Think of this as an opportunity to find someone you are excited about. Far too many people cling to bad relationships just because they are too lazy to do the work to find someone else.


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MrD3071
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: While you were out... (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, October 04, 2008 - 10:02 AM (#45345)

I'll be honest i had a simular experiance, and it wasnt that i didnt make time for her i still saw her 5 times a week at least, its just that it dropped from 7 - 5 because we had commitments arise ect

She started seeing more of my best mate and blowing off our dates for him, which eventually turned into full on cheating which she thought was behind my back.

So yeah if shes busy more then i hate to say it but theres a fair chance shes busy with him. Dont get sucker punched like i did, id sit her down and have a serious talk with her about him and the time you can or cant spend together, cause if you two cant see it working out its better to break it off before she uses and abuses me. Trust me man it aint pretty so heed my words well...


--
'Love is the light that dissolves the walls between people, countries and humanities'
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BillyName99
Lover

Posts: 6

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: While you were out... (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, October 05, 2008 - 01:14 PM (#45364)

Dude, It's over.

You were the invisible man for a month. You disappear for a whole month and Whoa! She met someone to hang out with that has time go clubbing until 5 A.M. and actually pays attention to her...
hmm.. Now you say she's distant and cold toward you? Well DUHH!!!

Here are 3 steps to fix your life:

1. Apologize for being an insensitive prick.

2. Give her CD's and apartment key back.

3. Move on, and *let her* move on.


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cronot
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: While you were out... (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, October 05, 2008 - 08:44 PM (#45369)
In Response to BillyName99 (#45364):

1. Apologize for being an insensitive prick. 2. Give her CD's and apartment key back. 3. Move on, and *let her* move on.

4. Learn from your mistake, and build some sense of perspective of what's really important to you, and learn to balance it with everything else, so you don't get hurt, hurt others and waste your time and someone else's time holding her back.


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