forums

welcome! please login or register.

 

 

 

POLL RESULTS: Pushing the envelope: (9 comments)

POLL: Pushing the envelope

Friday, October 31, 2008 - 12:09 AM

A reader writes... Q: My very good friend and her husband have divorced after 25 years of marriage. I knew this was coming but was shocked this week when I received a card in the mail with a black ribbon on it. At first I thought someone had died, but when I read it I saw it was a divorce announcement that included their new addresses. My friend had sent these cards to everyone she knew and everyone on their Christmas list! I am dumbfounded and think this is in terrible taste.
POLL: If I got a Divorce Card from a friend, I'd...
 
9% (94) ...be offended
 
66% (651) ...offer to throw a re-bachelor/ette party
 
10% (105) ...request my wedding present back
 
13% (136) ...ask for the ex's phone number
986 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Odentin
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 31, 2008 - 03:01 AM (#45651)

It may be in bad taste, but your friend is obviously crying out for attention and support. She wants people to respond with kind words and potentially gifts.

Give her a shoulder to lean on, take her out and have a good time at a club or whatever. just be there for her. She needs it, whether she openly states it or not.


Locked profile
dirge93
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 31, 2008 - 08:47 AM (#45653)

And your question is if it's alright for you to be offended by the way your friend is handling things?

Ignoring the issue of divorce potentially making a person loopy, it strikes me that your friend was trying to tell everyone "we're divorced, it sucks (the black ribbon), here's how to contact either of us if you want" in one mass mailing rather than spending weeks or months drudging the subject up over and over again. "My ex? Let me look up his address."

While it may seem in bad taste to you, it's either allowing your friend to have a bit of dark humor or else allows her to recognize the death of her marriage. I don't know your friend, but either one can be a needed part of her healing depending on the person.

Not saying -you- need to send out little cards with black ribbons, but you might try to understand where your friend is coming from better.


Locked profile
TheOriginalJes
Lover

Posts: 205

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 31, 2008 - 10:57 AM (#45654)

I suppose when one reaches the age of when they attend more funerals than weddings, the initial feelings of shock, which you experienced, can be a little off-putting.

However, I'd agree with the others, in that (for your friend) seeing things from her perspective might change your mind. Unless she wasn't really that close of a friend to you.

I've known a few people who've sent out family newsletters for the same purpose. It always draws a mixed reaction. And it is natural for some to feel the way you do.

I do have a couple of questions for you:

- Is it the divorce that offends you?

- Or is it the public airing of "dirty laundry" that offends you?

- Is it possible that your feelings are brought on by an insecurity of how to respond to the announcement? I don't really know what Ms. Manners has to say on the subject.

- Does the announcement of the end of a 25 year marriage make you wonder about the security of your own marriage?

Any one of these, or other reasons could be at the core of your personal feelings on the subject.

It may help you to discuss this with your friend (the divorcing one). Talking to her may also curb any natural instincts toward gossiping that may bite you in the end.


Locked profile
TheOriginalJes
Lover

Posts: 205

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 31, 2008 - 10:59 AM (#45655)
In Response to TheOriginalJes (#45654):

I found a link for you.

http://texasliberal.wordpress.com/2007/10/03/im-pr oud-to-say-ive-read-miss-manners-book-cover-to-cov er-as-manners-are-quite-democratic/


Locked profile
The1Paladin
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Mar 2003
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 31, 2008 - 03:13 PM (#45658)

Where is the option:

...take the card as intended, a novel way to notify me as a change of address?


Locked profile
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 12:28 AM (#45665)

To supplement the excellent advice already volunteered, I'd like to point out that at this time of year people are issuing invitations for Hallowe'en, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve parties, and also are addressing their Christmas cards. Sending out an announcement of this sort is a quick, efficient means of avoiding awkward and embarrassing situations: "Oh ... You are? Um ... I didn't know ..." or even better, "Oh ... In that case, forget we asked, and we'll invite your ex instead."


Locked profile
MrD3071
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 09:44 AM (#45672)

Gota admit i find that bad taste. Fair dos things didnt work it its a shame but it happens. Its an attention move as others have stated, be there for your friend cause that sorta thing is never easy, especially after the amount of time they were together.

If it is a way of getting back at her former other half or not is only thier business really, let it slide because people do daft things when filled with depression.

Just help her out and be there for your friend, its at times like these she will need your support more then you could know!


--
'Love is the light that dissolves the walls between people, countries and humanities'
Locked profile
Sixter
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 11:36 AM (#45673)

I think I just found my new line of work. Divorce announcements make perfect sense. Nothing like going over to a friend's house and asking where their wife is and get a "we are getting divorced" response. Kind of awkward. If they had sent out divorce announcements, then that sort of thing can be avoided. This is a whole segment the greeting card industry has yet to tap. My mother always said I should go into greeting cards.


Locked profile
Alyssara
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Nov 2008
Re: Pushing the envelope (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 01:11 PM (#45674)

Two things I noticed from your letter - you do not mention whether or not you are friends with her husband as well, and you did not say whether or not her soon-to-be-ex-husband was involved in this mass mailing or not.
That is really the only reason I can see to be offended, and even then it would be on his behalf only if she went behind his back to do this.
Otherwise, this strikes me as a very thoughtful thing to do - informing all of their friends and relatives of what must be a very painful time in their lives; as well as heading off future embarrassing scenes.
If you are as good a friend as you say you are, talk to her and -more importantly- LISTEN to her...25 years is a long time and she will most likely need a shoulder to lean on.


--
To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction...and a cat - good luck on finding the cat
Locked profile
Threshold:  Locked
The Fine Print: The above comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
Hell, let's face it, we're not responsible for anything; including the things we say, do, or think. And if you sue us because you think we are? Well, we're not responsible for that either.

 





(C) 2005 Brad J. Guigar. All rights reserved. Use of content or images without the consent of the author is prohibited.