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POLL RESULTS: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot...: (19 comments)

POLL: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot...

Friday, November 21, 2008 - 12:01 AM

Q. I recently went to my high-school reunion without my husband. I met up with my boyfriend from high school -- who came without his wife. Needless to say, we wound up in bed together. Now I feel incredibly guilty. Do I tell my husband?
POLL: Should she tell her husband about sleeping with her high-school sweetheart?
 
50% (769) Yes. Confession is good for the soul
 
18% (287) No. Too much truth is bad for the marriage
 
31% (482) Maybe. Does he get off on this sort of thing?
1538 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 02:06 AM (#45939)

Why? To brag? To ease your own guilty conscience? If this is going to be a frequent occurrence ("needless to say" says a lot) then yes, you should. Divorce proceedings can take some time, and your husband should have as long as possible in his life after you to seek out a woman capable of loving and committing to him.


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Stevarooni
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From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 02:07 AM (#45940)

Why? To brag? To ease your own guilty conscience? If this is going to be a frequent occurrence ("needless to say" says a lot) then yes, you should. Divorce proceedings can take some time, and your husband should have as long as possible to seek out a woman capable of loving and committing to him.


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Luis
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Posts: 1

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Oct 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 02:09 AM (#45941)

I agree with the above ... Tell your husband and start the divorce paperwork as soon as possible. If you can't commit to the man there's no point in marriage. I just hope you don't have kids who'll suffer the consequences.


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Murgatroyd
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Posts: 300

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Jan 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 02:49 AM (#45944)

What they said.

And since you're so good at screwing -- or good at screwing things up, at least -- why don't you also tell your old flame's wife what you two did, hmmm?


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LiquidPaper
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Posts: 3

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Nov 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 06:29 AM (#45945)

Ok, a little off-topic here, and I'll may be flamed for that, but what's up with Guigar bringing up so many infidelity cases lately? I mean, it's not like there's much you can say in these cases, and it's not like the person gets or deserve much sympathy for that.

Well, I could bear with it if it was only the poll and forum topics - but we often get a comic too, making fun of a difficult and sad situation. I mean, ok, this is sex/relationship advice website, and shit like this happens, but we've had about 3 or 4 cases like this in the last 2 months, aproximately. That's messed up... There's only so much variations of infidelity you can have...


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CasualNotice
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Posts: 49

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Jun 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 07:07 AM (#45946)

Don't tell your husband, but do start talking to him. If you've got enough going on in your head to allow you to make a drunken mistake like that, then you need to get some things out.

Marriage counselling might be a good idea at this point.


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morose
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Posts: 1

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Nov 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 08:26 AM (#45948)

Complicated question. First off, is this something that has only happened once? Or is it a pattern? If it's a one off thing, then you need to look at why this happened. Was it simply a case of not setting boundaries with male friends to keep things from getting to where they did? Or is there something else that would lead you to infidelity?

If it was a one off thing, caught up in the moment and you're genuinely remorseful and love your husband, then no... honestly, I wouldn't tell him. Understand that the guilt you feel might make you think twice before letting something like this happen again. As someone who has been cheated on, I wish my ex had taken this advice. She was devastated when we broke up over her mistake and looking back on it, I wish she'd put it behind her and just used it as a wake-up call to put into focus what she really cared about.

If it's a pattern though and this kind of thing has happened before, then you should definitely talk to your husband. He deserves to know that this is part of who you are so he can decide how he'll deal with it accordingly (acceptance, rejection, etc.)


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Guairdean
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Posts: 20

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Mar 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 09:33 AM (#45950)

Tel him. If he finds out later it'll be a lot more damaging. It's better to confess, beg forgiveness, and start building trust again. When he finds out later, he won't know whether to believe you when you say it only happened once. After all, you hid one affair, what else are you hiding? Now you need to ask yourself why you ended up in bed with an old boyfriend. If you really love him, you wouldn't do something that would hurt him and possibly destroy your marriage.


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wpgDBA
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Posts: 6

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Sep 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 11:49 AM (#45952)
In Response to LiquidPaper (#45945):

To LiquidPaper and the off-topic post...

Thanks for bringing it up. I would love to see less infidelity topics. Unfortunately, I believe that is not going to happen.

Why? I believe it is the cause of the majority of relationship problems that people are willing to post about.

As to the topic at hand, "Needless to say" says it all, doesn't it?


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Guigar
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Posts: 291

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Sep 2007
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 11:53 AM (#45953)
In Response to LiquidPaper (#45945):

There may be some kind of misunderstanding. I don't bring these subjects up. These subjects are sent it -- either to me through this site or to the Philadelphia Daily News for use in the sex-advice column that this comic accompanies. :)

If you want different questions covered, feel free to send them in through the CD e-mail contact form. :)


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LiquidPaper
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Nov 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 12:48 PM (#45956)
In Response to Guigar (#45953):

Thanks for replying, Brad!

There may be some kind of misunderstanding. I don't bring these subjects up. These subjects are sent it -- either to me through this site or to the Philadelphia Daily News for use in the sex-advice column that this comic accompanies.

Ok, but then I guess you (or someone, for that matter) have to sort through the submissions and choose which one goes up. That's what I meant by you "bringing it up". But as wpgDBA suggested, I've probably overestimated the quantity of submissions not related to infidelity...

And yeah, if I find something interesting in the future, I'll surely submit it to you. Thanks, and nice work with CD and Evil Inc!


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pecoros7
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Posts: 16

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May 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 01:43 PM (#45957)

I do find "needless to say" to be a rather bad sign, but I object to the notion that infidelity necessitates divorce. A marriage can survive an act of infidelity so long as the guilty partner is genuinely remorseful and the injured partner can forgive.

 As for whether or not to tell your husband, it depends on why you feel like you should tell him. Do you think he needs to or wants to know? If so, tell him. If you just want to clear your conscience, it seems mean spirited to make your husband hurt and angry just so you can quit feeling guilty.


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Bdave
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Posts: 7

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Jan 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 08:13 PM (#45960)
In Response to pecoros7 (#45957):

I'm intrested in knowing why you went to the high school reunion without your husband.. do you two often not attend social events the other does? if so then this may be a root of your problem a refusal to SOCIALLY connect. make a point to do more as a COUPLE. if you desire companionship at these things your husband should be providing it, and you should be making it cler you'd like your husband to be there


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tmechanic
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Posts: 2

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Nov 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 21, 2008 - 10:49 PM (#45961)

You feel guilty so you want to make yourself feel better by making your husband feel crappy? I do not understand that kind of thinking.


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TheOriginalJes
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Posts: 205

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, November 22, 2008 - 07:23 PM (#45967)
In Response to Stevarooni (#45940):

Without any further information, I'd back Stevarooni on this.

But, before any advice is acted upon, you should really be more open about the state of your marriage.

- How long have you been together?
- Do you have kids together?
- Have you and your husband been distant for the last, say, two years?
- Do you really love your husband?
- Have you cheated before? On him?(Yes, these are two separate questions.)

- Do you still see (run into) your high school bf with any frequency?
- Does your husband know your ex?
- Have you thought about the trail?
- How many other people at this reunion noticed the two of you? And, do any of them know your husband? If so, do they like you or him better?
- Do you think your husband may notice anything different about your behavior now? (If not, I don't know who to pity more.)

- How could you have overlooked any of the above beforehand?


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Threesome
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Posts: 26

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Feb 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, November 27, 2008 - 03:02 PM (#45995)

Well, as always, I am for honesty within reason.

If you think that he will never find out because you won't tell and your ex won't tell - keep it to yourself.

If you think you can't you have two choices - tell him and risk hurting him, or don't tell him and risk him finding out and being doubly hurt.

I once broke up with a girlfriend of five years because she cheated on me and didn't tell me. It's the trust thing.

Of course, you could always hook up with a hot girl, get her into bed with you and your husband, and after the third or fourth time you might mention your little infidelity. Then he has done another girl more often than you did your ex, and he doesn't want to lose the nice 2-girl action, so he won't make a fuss.

Trust me, it will work.


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Stevarooni
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From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 28, 2008 - 01:32 AM (#46000)
In Response to Threesome (#45995):

Of course, you could always hook up with a hot girl, get her into bed with you and your husband, and after the third or fourth time you might mention your little infidelity. Then he has done another girl more often than you did your ex, and he doesn't want to lose the nice 2-girl action, so he won't make a fuss.
Ugh. Sexual bribery? I suppose that if it works, you deserve the guy it works on. Otherwise...seriously, equating inviting someone else into bed with (unknown, blind-siding) infidelity? Let me register my vote for NOT doing this. :P
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TheOriginalJes
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Posts: 205

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Jan 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, November 28, 2008 - 04:03 PM (#46012)
In Response to Threesome (#45995):

Yeah, but then she'll be obligated to FFM on demand,for the rest of her marriage. That's a win/win to me...


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inuchan01
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Posts: 10

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Let Old Acquaintance Be Forgot... (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 09, 2008 - 12:39 AM (#46158)

Just a note: I read "needless to say" as her admission that she wouldn't be posting here if she didn't have a problem (and she was leading up to the infidelity issue from the first sentence -- "without my husband"), not necessarily that she is a repeated adulterer.

I really think you two should work this out together, or it could drive you apart by poisoning your relationship. On the other hand, you should think hard about how you would feel if he hid something like this from you (as opposed to confessing it). That might help you decide what to do.


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