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POLL RESULTS: Mind the Gap: (7 comments)

POLL: Mind the Gap

Friday, January 30, 2009 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: I'm 24 this year, and the last two women I've dated have both been older than me. I was really hoping to have a serious and stable relationship with the latest girl, who is three years older. Unfortunately, she tells me it bothers her that I'm younger. She says it makes her feel insecure. My friends are mostly in their late 20s or 30s because I'm more comfortable with them and share a similar mindset. I've felt a large gap when mixing with people my age. But these older people are mostly attached or married, and sometimes I really feel lonely. What can I do to get back on track to be what I'm supposed to be at my age?
POLL: This guy really needs to...
 
83% (833) Find older women who appreciate a younger man
 
7% (74) Act younger attract women his own age
 
9% (95) Get a fake I.D. and age three years
1002 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
LiquidPaper
Lover

Posts: 3

Registered:
Nov 2008
Re: Mind the Gap (Score: 1)
posted Friday, January 30, 2009 - 06:55 AM (#46722)

Three years? Seriously. That girl wasn't for you, she's too prejudiced. Move on.

I relate a lot to your situation, however. I'm 28, but when I met my wife I was 23, and she is almost 9 years older than me.

And yeah, throughout my life, I rarely felt emotionally attached to women of my same age or younger - a couple years before I met my wife I had a deep infatuation with a girl, coincidentally, around 8 years older than me. The sentiment wasn't reciprocal, however, and in retrospect, that was good, because it would never have worked anyway. Turns out even some 30+ people can be just as (or more) childish and immature than 20 year olds. In many aspects, that girl before my wife was a teenager - and it's worse when that person thinks she's "very mature". I've once read somewhere that "the ones that like to tout how mature they are, are the ones that more need to grow up".

The funny thing is, when I met my wife, I didn't want anything with her. I was too disillusioned with everything I went through, and told myself I was better off alone anyway. So at the beginning, she was just a good friend. But then she started flirting a lot with me, and after awhile she confessed she was in love with me. But she was torn because, like me, she didn't want that to happen - she was divorced with two kids by that time, and the prospect of having a relationship with someone younger was worse than the ordinary cases - it was about me being responsible and mature enough to handle a relationship with someone older, *AND* being a father for the kids. After knowing her better and thinking about it, I've decided to give it a shot, and it was the best decision I've made. In time, as she knew me better and trusted that I could look after her and the kids, her fears also went away. Today we relate to each other as a normal couple, the difference in age never really shows up - some people get surprised that she's so older than me, given how well we get along and how leveled is our relationship. So yeah, that kind of relationship CAN definitely work.

Back to your question - don't sweat it. The problem isn't you, keep being yourself. In time (when you're not expecting it) you'll meet someone that will be just right for you, and accept you as you are. However don't let the age thing be a guide - that too may be a sort of "reverse prejudice" on your part. The fact that you get along better with people older than you doesn't mean that everyone of your age (or younger) can't match your mindset. It probably would just be harder to happen, but it can happen. Try to look more into the personalities, not the age.


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Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Mind the Gap (Score: 1)
posted Friday, January 30, 2009 - 07:32 AM (#46723)

Of the three choices in the poll, none really fits what I think. How 'bout "do what you feel is right, and remember that every match isn't quite right until it's right". A three year difference, even at the age of 24, isn't that huge a difference. I get what you're saying about feeling lonely among such an attached group of people, though; my entire workplace is either married or dating, or more than ten years younger than me. Keep dating. 24 is too young to worry that you're going to "die alone" or any other such false fear.


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NunyaBidness
Lover

Posts: 83

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: Mind the Gap (Score: 1)
posted Friday, January 30, 2009 - 09:09 AM (#46724)

Three years is not an "age difference." She's not even close to mature enough, or else she's making excuses, in which case, she's not even close to mature enough.

Keep looking.


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ThatJeff
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Sep 2008
Re: Mind the Gap (Score: 1)
posted Friday, January 30, 2009 - 07:00 PM (#46735)

If you're really into this girl, find you a "I Heart Cougars" T-shirt and wear it during your next date. If she laughs at it, maybe she'll see that she's making a big deal out of nothing. If she thinks it's in poor taste, go to a bar and see if you can pick up some older ladies.


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TheOriginalJes
Lover

Posts: 205

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Mind the Gap (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, January 31, 2009 - 03:08 PM (#46740)

My wife and I have a much larger age gap than three or even nine years. She has more issues with our age difference than I do, even though she's the one who initiated it. But, we're still together for just over 10 years now.

The one thing I can tell you about maturity is that it really isn't in a number. It's about your stage in life and what you are willing to accept as your responsibility.

I'd never advise a 19 year old to date a 40+ year old. Only because the 19 year old is just starting their life and hasn't made any concrete choices as to who they will become.

You, on the other hand, still have some maturing of your own to do.

Three years isn't an age gap. That's a freshman-senior relationship in high school. You can find a girl just as mature as you who is four years younger than you are. You just aren't looking. (Not in the right places, anyway.)

I suspect that, for you, the attraction to older women is something else. If I had to guess, I'd say that you aren't really looking for a serious relationship. If you're looking for someone to show you new things, that's ok. You should own up to it within yourself, so that you can get down to the real business of finding Ms. Right-For-You.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Mind the Gap (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, February 01, 2009 - 02:09 PM (#46747)

Sometimes that age gap can be a benefit. As comedian Rita Rudner once pointed out, Mother Nature has a sense of humor -- men hit their sexual prime at 18 and women at thirty. With married couples the man usually is older than the woman, so she'll be ready to get it on about the same time he's discovering that he has a favorite chair ...


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Guairdean
Lover

Posts: 20

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: Mind the Gap (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, February 12, 2009 - 12:23 PM (#46852)

My wife is nine years older than me and we've been married for nearly 30 years. We've had our ups and downs (the usual stuff, nothing major), but none of it's been because of the age gap. Look around and find someone that you love and that loves you. You'll find that age won't matter to either one of you.


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Discussion: POLL: Mind the Gap | Login/Create an Account | 7 comments
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