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POLL RESULTS: "Trich" me once, shame on you...: (9 comments)

POLL: "Trich" me once, shame on you...

Friday, February 20, 2009 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... My boyfriend and I have been together for a year-and-a-half. About six or eight months ago he started changing. Before that, he had a very big sexual appetite, a slight romantic side and showed interest in me. Now, he’s very distant and I am the persuer. I have confronted him about if he’s cheating and he is very defensive and hostile. I’ve seen text messages and found them inappropriate for friends. After the last incident and the denial and bullying, I decided to get checked at the clinic and — surprise — I have “Trich.” I told him and his reaction was, “How did that happen?” Then he claimed he never touched anyone else. I explained that only one of us has the means and opportunity. What is sad in all this it has been four days since the call from the clinic and he has said nothing, not “I’m sorry,” not “We need to talk,” not “You cheated on me.” The days just went by as if nothing happened. I’m not sure how to deal with it, I have never had an STD. I have recieved and taken my medication, but I’m not sure what he has done. If he did not cheat, he would be angry, wouldn’t he? If he did cheat, wouldn’t he ‘fess up?
POLL: He's emotionally distant, sends inappropriate texts, and he gave her an STD. Is he cheating?
 
51% (806) Yes. Of COURSE he is. He couldn't make it more clear unless he hired a sky-writer.
 
10% (167) That's preposterous. Sky-writers are EXPENSIVE.
 
36% (583) Listen... maybe he could get some kind of bulk rate on sky-writing and alert the other women he's infected.
 
1% (22) No, he's not cheating. Unless he circles back to cross the Ts... wait...
1578 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: "Trich" me once, shame on you... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, February 20, 2009 - 01:23 AM (#46915)

Even a kind, sensitive person with infinite patience would nevertheless be tempted to whack you upside the head with a two-by-four and scream "For God's sake, girl, get a freakin' clue!"

Unfortunately, that would be pointless. You'll never get a clue. He's been bombarding you with one clue after another, and they've all bounced off.

For the past fifteen years the Internet has had a special expression for use in cases like this:

"You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance."

So forget the clues. Just don't touch him, ever again, OK?


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DarthParadox
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Sep 2000
Re: "Trich" me once, shame on you... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, February 20, 2009 - 01:37 AM (#46916)

Dump his lying rear, and be glad you didn't end up with a more serious STD like HIV or HPV. If Trich is the worst you're ending up with from an unfaithful partner, you got off light.


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NunyaBidness
Lover

Posts: 83

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: "Trich" me once, shame on you... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, February 20, 2009 - 07:14 AM (#46918)

You seem to masochistically be waiting for him to fess up. After all, if he doesn't fess up, maybe it's not really true.

It's true.

He's a sociopath or narcissist or something else hard to pronounce and sick and isn't going to fess up. As far as he's concerned, he's done nothing wrong, and you're reinforcing it.

Just walk away. Don't call him, don't try to explain, don't hope for him to develop a conscience.

You might report him to public health as a known carrier, though. In a lot of jurisdictions, failing to get treatment for a known disease constitutes a crime.

Not that he'll see that, either.


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Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
STDs (Score: 1)
posted Friday, February 20, 2009 - 07:52 AM (#46920)

Get checked pretty frequently from here on out; no telling what else your (soon-to-be ex-)boyfriend gave you. You're expecting too much of him if you expect regret or even acknowledgment. So long as you're willing to accept lies, venereal diseases and the distinct possibility of being dropped like a hot potato, your relationship with him can endure.


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Caffeine
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Feb 2009
Re: "Trich" me once, shame on you... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, February 20, 2009 - 10:40 AM (#46921)

My mind is kind of ... what do you want to hear?

Why are you waiting for him to confess? What are you going to do then? What will your "relationship" be like whether he does it or not?

Okay, ask yourself the following questions...
* Do you still love him?
* Does he still love you?
* Does your relationship work?
* Do you trust him?
* If he has cheated on you, can you live with it?
* If he has cheated on you, can you trust him not to do it again?
* If he cheats on you again, can you live with it?

To me, it does not sound as if he still loved you or cared about you and the relationship the two of you probably have (had). And it is probably just a big waste of time if you wait for him to come around with anything you are waiting for. But if you can live with it - your show.

(I'd simply go. Okay, I'd put a message out for my friends that he deserves some teaching, and then I'd leave. But then I'm a bitch.)


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Snobahr
Lover

Posts: 15

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: "Trich" me once, shame on you... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, February 20, 2009 - 01:04 PM (#46924)

Take a look at the post. Either he also wants to be The Victim in the inevitable break-up, or he's just happy he's got a regular lay at home. He's given you a sexually transmitted disease and denied getting it - has he been checked for anything (that he's told you about, not that he will, given his apparent communications track record)? Dump his lying posterior, grow a spine and invest in a good vibrator. They don't sleep around, they don't lie to you about who they've been with, they won't give you trich or AIDS, and they're easy to hide when company comes over.

 In summary: He's a jerk. You're a victim. Grow a spine. Dump him. Invest in a vibrator.


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meshugunah
Lover

Posts: 6

Registered:
Dec 2006
Re: "Trich" me once, shame on you... (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, February 21, 2009 - 02:09 AM (#46930)

Sweetheart, he's a lying jerk with an STD which he gave to you - DUMP HIM, QUICK! You know you deserve better than this. Get yourself healed, physically and mentally, and you'll find yourself a real man soon enough.


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CasualNotice
Lover

Posts: 49

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: "Trich" me once, shame on you... (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, February 21, 2009 - 10:16 AM (#46932)

First off, Trichomoniasis is not strictly a Sexually Transmitted Disease. Not all diseases that attack the genitals, especially those caused by protozoa (like Trich) are exclusively STDs.

Second off, "I've seen text messages"? You're goin through his cell phone or what? Seriously, if he is cheating (and I'm not saying he's not) do you think it might have been triggered by your suspicious (and somewhat creepy) behavior?


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NunyaBidness
Lover

Posts: 83

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: "Trich" me once, shame on you... (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, February 21, 2009 - 10:21 AM (#46933)
In Response to CasualNotice (#46932):

I'm going to take casual to task. Her looking at his texts...which he may have left lying around on screen, or not...does not "trigger" cheating. It might trigger a breakup, but the logical chain of, "She's looking at my texts, so I should have an affair," just...isn't.

Cheating is caused by someone not wanting an exclusive relationship. The onus is totally on them, for right or wrong. We cause our own behavior.


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