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POLL RESULTS: Twenty-five and heartbroken: (12 comments)

POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken

Friday, August 07, 2009 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes...Q: I am crushed. A woman I was deeply in love with has betrayed me. We were together eight months and we even talked about marriage. Instead, she told me last week that she was getting back with her old boyfriend. I'm 25 and this is the first really serious relationship I've had. I feel sick, can't eat, and I'm depressed. Mostly, I have no interest in getting involved with a woman again. It's just not worth the pain. Am I wrong to feel this way?

POLL: What's the best way to get over a broken heart?
 
2% (30) Sulk in a dark room
 
9% (104) Drink. Heavily.
 
6% (76) Sad music. Country... Blues... you name it
 
11% (125) One-night stand
 
23% (254) Take a trip / vacation
 
4% (52) Look for another long-term relationship
 
11% (131) Throw yourself into work
 
24% (264) Hit the gym
 
5% (60) Other (Share it in the Comments section below)
1096 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 07, 2009 - 01:11 AM (#48766)

What most of these answers are comprise what I think is the best thing to do...grieve for a little bit, but also get out and do something that doesn't involve romantic feelings at all. Channel your energies elsewhere. Eventually, you'll find someone new (or so I've been told) and meanwhile, you'll have new experiences and strengths.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 07, 2009 - 01:39 AM (#48767)

Heyyyy! Look on the bright side! You were only talking about mariage! What if you had gotten married, invested a decade or so in building a life with her, and then she betrayed you? How would you feel then , Binky?


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Caffeine
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Feb 2009
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 07, 2009 - 06:28 AM (#48770)

Geez, how helpful. "Be glad she only crushed your heart, but left you with the lungs intact!"

[/irony]

Being left by a lover is always difficult - and you must be crazy considering another longterm relationship only a week after being dumped. These things take time. And you should take your time - be sad, be angry, dissect your relationship (it doesn't do any good for further relationships, but everyone seems to do it), think about the good and the not-so-good times, listen to sad music, go out with friends for a night of heavy drinking, ...

In time, if you want to, you'll find a new girl to plan your future with. Until then, find hobbies and friends and try to have as good (or sad) a time as you can. Everyone has their heart broken at least once, for everyone it feels like the worst thing in the world (and noone else can possibly understand, of course)... and it does not last.


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CasualNotice
Lover

Posts: 49

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 07, 2009 - 08:03 AM (#48771)

Do all of the above. Get over it. Move on.


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Maeloch
Lover

Posts: 12

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 07, 2009 - 11:42 AM (#48774)

The best piece of advice is to discover yourself. Learn to be alone. Learn enjoy yourself. Do things you want to do. Work on yourself. Become the best you you can be.

This does several very useful things. First, it gets your mind on other things. Second, it puts you in contact with people who share your interests (new friends, and maybe more). Third, it makes you more interesting and attractive to women.

Women are attracted to men who are confident in who they are. That is why they always seem to be attracted to 'jerks' rather than 'nice guys.' Women aren't attracted to men who kiss their ass.

I have been in your shoes. My ex-wife divorced me after 8 years when she 'fell in love' with someone she met in her MBA program. I absolutely adored her, and the divorce was the most difficult experience I have ever had to endure. And it has made me a much better person.

Learn to love yourself, and the women will follow.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 07, 2009 - 06:34 PM (#48776)

I have to say that Maeloch has the best input here. Take it from someone else who has lost a spouse to another guy. You need to forget about getting right back on the horse in the short term.

The first thing you need to focus on is learning to like who you are as a person. Define yourself as an individual before you rush into defining yourself as the weaker part of a couple again. Have your own interests, and be your own person. Do what it is that you want to do, and be what you want to be.

If you learn this trick, then you will find that your new self confidence will have the women come to you. You will be the one who gets to choose the nature and terms of the relationship.

The trick in the future is looking out for the danger signs of a woman who is not right for you. Don't be the rebound guy unless you want that angry embitered GF sex (which can be fun, but ultimately is not the basis for a relationship). It really is a matter of learning what values you want in another person and not accepting someone who doesn't share your values. If loyalty is a value you desire, then learn to be loyal to others first. If honesty and consistancy is what you desire, then provide those values in return.

What you shouldn't do is rush to get seriously involved with someone else to fill the painful "gap" in your life. That is just a failure waiting to happen.

You also shouldn't judge the rest of the female gender based on this one loser. Learn to recognize a winner instead. The winner isn't always the hot one, or the one with all the guys hounding after them. The winner is the one willing to make the same commitment to the relationship as you are. It doesn't matter if they are hot, or highly desired by other men. Those are transitory traits anyway. What matters is the values they bring to the relationship and your personal compatibility with them.

I hope this helps.


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bigbob
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Aug 2009
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Friday, August 07, 2009 - 09:07 PM (#48780)

Why your GF left is too involved to go into here, so go sign up for the free newsletter at http://www.doubleyourdating.com/channels/feedback/ ?s=22176 and PAY ATTENTION to what he says, even if you don't like what you hear.

His emails are talking about what you did wrong. A GF leaving for an EX is one of the most common problems he deals with.

You don't need to buy anything now. Just read until you get your confidence back, and then think about buying.

What he has to say is a real eye opener, and his methods WORK.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, August 08, 2009 - 03:37 AM (#48783)

By the way, Original Poster, you should consider this: she broke up with her old boyfriend for a reason, probably a good one. Just because she's gotten back together with him now doesn't mean it will last. There's a fair probability that she'll be available again in the not-too-distant future.

So how would you handle that? Would you take up with her again, and give her another opportunity to turn you inside-out through your aorta? Or, having been burned once, would you tell her toget lost ... and possibly throw away the chance of a lifetime for True Love?

Hint: There is no right answer. There may not even be a marginally satisfactory answer. But you should be prepared to deal with the situation on your own terms if it occurs.


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Jorn
Jorn

Lover

Posts: 20

Registered:
Nov 2007
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, August 08, 2009 - 04:29 AM (#48784)
In Response to bigbob (#48780):

I see enough ads for this "Double your dating" garbage passed off as 'articles' on other sites. Please don't start peddling your spam in the comments here


--
Sa souvraya niende missain ye; I am lost in my own mind.
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Aaron1
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Aug 2009
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, August 08, 2009 - 02:28 PM (#48788)

I vote for stoic acceptance of the situation and an honest look at your own emotions.

Many people get bounced around by their relationships, but I believe that we can develop a healthy perspective on our own emotions through contemplation and reason. Then achieve emotional constancy regardless of the actions of others.


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Kyle_Voltti
Lover

Posts: 11

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, August 09, 2009 - 08:09 PM (#48795)
In Response to Aaron1 (#48788):

you had your heart ripped out. it's gonna hurt... and it might always hurt a bit. but it will get better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBccr-aLu4I

don't go looking for a replacement long term relationship. I'm assuming this is you first "serious" relationship so ofcourse it's going to feel like the end of the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oD4Myw9hMl4

let yourself feel bad but remember that like all things even these feelings will pass. Right now you're caught up in the pain and it clouds your perspective. you might only see the relationship through rose coloured glasses and might be focusing on what you think were mistakes you made. But you'll make it through this and though it might not seem like it now you'll be stronger for it in the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I

Go see 500 Days of Summer.


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quixotecoyote
Lover

Posts: 11

Registered:
May 2009
Re: POLL: Twenty-five and heartbroken (Score: 1)
posted Monday, August 10, 2009 - 02:55 PM (#48803)
In Response to Kyle_Voltti (#48795):

I'm surprised "wait" wasn't an option on the poll. Sometimes stuff happens and you just need some time to deal with it. Doing several of those things on the list could help, or not, but heartbreak is one of the few instances where time heals all wounds moves from being a cliche to sound advice.


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