forums

welcome! please login or register.

 

 

 

POLL RESULTS: Someday my prince will come...: (6 comments)

POLL: Someday my prince will come...

Thursday, September 10, 2009 - 09:01 PM

A reader writes...Q: I am a 50-year-old divorced woman and find this difficult to write, but I need an honest outside opinion. I have been dating a man for over three years. When we are together romantically he always asks me to please him orally, but he never returns the favor. I have not expressed my feelings because I do not want to hurt his feelings or scare him off because I do enjoy his company. I am interested in finding out if this type of sexual behavior is normal or am I being taken advantage of?
POLL: What should this woman do
 
61% (779) Have a frank talk with her lover
 
1% (14) Find a new lover
 
17% (228) Grab him by the ears and...
 
19% (252) Stop giving until she *gets*
1273 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Someday my prince will come... (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, September 10, 2009 - 09:33 PM (#49276)

First of all...yes, you are being taken advantage of. If his feelings would be hurt by your simply expressing them, the imbalance of your relationship is probably fairly permanent and not to be restored. Don't get me wrong, keeping a log of who licks what on whom would be pedantic, but three years without him giving you head is not right. You deserve better.


Locked profile
Caffeine
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Feb 2009
Re: Someday my prince will come... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 11, 2009 - 02:54 AM (#49279)

Have you ever asked him for it? If not, do so. If yes, talk to him about it again. (There are some reasons why men won't do *that* - most stupid answer ever (in my opinion) was, "I don't like the taste." Gnah, men... ) And if the two of you don't get to an arrangement that pleases BOTH of you, simply explain you won't give it to him until he returns the favour.

(Really, this sounds mean, but... - trust me. If you really want to try it out, he should give you a - uhm, hand.)


Locked profile
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Someday my prince will come... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 11, 2009 - 06:37 AM (#49282)

I suspect that he isn't taking advantage of you, but rather that you're being obtuse. Some women don't enjoy cunnilingus -- really! -- and he may have been waiting for a sign from you that you would welcome it. You might even, completely by accident, have given him the idea early in your relationship that you weren't interested.

My God, three years and you haven't asked? Maybe he won't want to do it ... but why don't you at least give the guy a chance before you pin the blame on him for your dissatisfaction?


Locked profile
TheOriginalJes
Lover

Posts: 205

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Someday my prince will come... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 11, 2009 - 12:01 PM (#49287)

No...after 3 years, he probably should have offered, or just done it. You are being take advantage of..., but he may not know that. A lot of men, particularly older (than 35) men just don't feel that they should have to do that.

If he enjoys an aggressive woman, then just tell him you want it. Especially when you're already in bed.


Locked profile
Belial
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Sep 2009
Re: Someday my prince will come... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 11, 2009 - 12:54 PM (#49291)

You may or may not be getting taken advantage of; there are too many variables in this situation. First off, talk to your lover. It sounds cliche but communication is essential in any relationship. Second of all, there can be any number of reasons why your lover may not want to perform oral sex. I've personally had 3 girlfriends who have refused (yes, actually refused) to let me go down on them (as I never got a chance to I can say it wasn't do to my technique but rather as I've had it put to me "I just think it's gross/I had a guy do it once and didn't like it"). That being said 2 of these girls had no issue going down on me. Your fella may have had similar situations and simply disregarded oral sex as something women enjoy. That being said I wouldn't necessarily negate that this person may be a selfish lover. You'll never really know until talk it out with him. Sadly no matter what the outcome of this is you'll have at least one issue that you have to overcome. If he simply doesn't like giving oral sex you'll have to decide whether or not you can put up with it in order to preserve the relationship (don't cut him off from oral sex trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to, that's not the way adult relationships should work). If you do talk it out with him and he is willing to perform oral sex and he doesn't have a reason for 3 years of non-reciprocal oral (such as being conditioned through situations discussed above) he is probably a selfish lover. If he has been conditioned my only advice to you can be, go easy on him, he'll be rusty and it may take him a while to get his game up to standard. My final advice is to take a serious look at your relationship. While sex (and specifically criticism of sexual technique) is a touchy subject you should not be afraid to talk it out with someone you've dedicated 3 years to. People (myself included) can give advice and try to help you guys but at the end of the day the only people whose opinions matter is the two of you. You need to be able to express yourself freely and he should be able to do the same. Even if you are able to overcome this obstacle, there are always going to be other. Until you're able to speak frankly about issues like sex to each other you will remain in a sort of relationship limbo.

I hope everything works out for you two.


Locked profile
ErikTheRed
Lover

Posts: 25

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Someday my prince will come... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, September 11, 2009 - 01:43 PM (#49292)
In Response to Belial (#49291):

Ummm... What Belial said. If you haven't requested oral, then he may not think you're interested. Some women love it, some women hate it (I can think of one in particular that violently hated it), some women like it but prefer penetration. How's he supposed to know if you don't speak up? Or at least grab him by his ears...


Locked profile
Threshold:  Locked
The Fine Print: The above comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
Hell, let's face it, we're not responsible for anything; including the things we say, do, or think. And if you sue us because you think we are? Well, we're not responsible for that either.

 





(C) 2005 Brad J. Guigar. All rights reserved. Use of content or images without the consent of the author is prohibited.