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POLL RESULTS: Hidden Agenda?: (12 comments)

POLL: Hidden Agenda?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: I've been contacted by a woman. She had an Internet relationship with a co-worker of mine and saw me in his pictures (tagged and linked to my blog). She swears she is interested in me, however his name pops up quite frequently, in a hateful way, she does not let go of his memory, they ended quite badly.

While so far I've trusted her version, it seems to me that she is only getting close to me to find a way to hurt him.

She clearly expressed that she wants to have sex with me, however I am reluctant to continue as I'd rather not have sex with a person that is using me to hurt a friend of mine. What would you advise? Whenever I try to raise the subject she says I misinterpreted her, says that she loves me and starts spicing the conversation in a sexual way.

POLL: Should he sleep with this woman?
 
5% (41) Yes. It's not like his friend is still dating her.
 
28% (225) Yes. But he should tell his friend first. Heck, maybe he'd approve.
 
66% (519) No. This woman sounds sketchy at best.
785 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Kestrel_MacKnight
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Dec 2009
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 12:36 AM (#50303)

It's a Man Law, if you're interested in an ex-girlfriend at all, even entertaining the idea. The best bet is to talk to your buddy first to see if it's cool. If you actually like the guy anyhow. If he's bitter about it, take critiques about her with a grain of salt, but overall, he knows her. You tell the buddy and judge from there. You say you've not done anything, but she's interested. As long as he's not a drama queen, should be able to handle your news well enough to say it's cool or warn you away from the psycho lady.


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pecoros7
Lover

Posts: 16

Registered:
May 2008
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 01:16 AM (#50304)

Sounds like a common case of two heads being worse than one.

It seems that your brain is throwing out red flags. Nothing about this situation seems right. All signs suggest that she's trying to use you to lash out at your co-worker. The rational thing to do is walk away. Yet you seem to be getting a conflicting message from you libido. Your sex drive cries out, "Available vagina!"

Somehow, that seems to be a pretty compelling argument.

Walk away from this one. You can see the drama brewing and you don't need to be any part of that.


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nemodos
Lover

From: Saint Louis, MO

Posts: 10

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 01:25 AM (#50305)

You seem to have missed your own answer: "I am reluctant to continue as I'd rather not have sex with a person that is using me to hurt a friend of mine." Your instincts tell you not to go down this road. If you're that intrigued, go ahead and ask your friend, and seriously consider his response. However, it seems that you've assessed the situation, made a decision, and don't want to go through with it because the sex is waiting for you on a platter. (You think, anyhow.)

She contacted you, remember. You're not losing anything by cutting off contact. In the words of Duke Paulus Atreides, "Never argue with your instincts."


--
Me gustas cuando callas porque estás como ausente... --Pablo Neruda
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Caffeine
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Feb 2009
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 01:56 AM (#50306)

Hmpf. From what you tell about this woman, my advice would be, "Run as fast as you can."

(I've got the rule never to date exes, lovers or potential lovers of friends and family, but I know this doesn't apply to everyone, and in some parts I am rather oldfashioned.)

What I don't know from your words - do you like her? Maybe even love her (or start loving her, a tiny bit)? I know, I know, that is not necessary to have sex with someone, but sex is easily available these days and you don't depend on a woman who gives you the creeps. If you like or even love her, on the other hand, of course that is different...


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HandEFood
Lover

Posts: 11

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 03:32 AM (#50307)

Talk to your friend first, and let her know you talked to him. It will completely take away her thunder if she is being manipulative. If she's being sincere, it will help clear up any misconceptions.

But ultimately, I say don't do it. You don't trust her, and without a lot of discussion that's not going to change.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 04:09 AM (#50308)

There's no reason not to talk to your friend, unless you want to hide the fact that you're considering a relationship with this woman to preserve your friendship with him. On the other hand, if the relationship works, he'll eventually find out anyway, and then he'd be pissed that you didn't trust him enough to tell him. Or maybe he'd be pissed that you didn't give him a chance to warn you about her before she murdered you! ;^)

Basically, you really have nothing to lose by asking your friend about her. And be prepared to run. I think you'll want to.

Homework: Rent the movie "Play Misty for Me."

Extra credit: Ponder Robin Williams' line ...
"Her mouth says 'I love you' but her eyes say 'Helter-Skelter!'"

(Yes, I've used that one before. It's still true.)


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Johno
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Dec 2009
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 08:06 AM (#50314)

It would appear obvious to me that she's doing this with malicious intent. She seems so bent on revenge that her moral compass is acting screwy (no pun intended).

Unfortunately yours isn't that much better - the fact that you're even ASKING if anything is wrong here suggests that you have a neodymium "Horny" magnet somewhere in your clothes, and it's pulling the needle in the wrong direction.

(Let's abandon this metaphor before it takes us places we'll regret. However . . )

The fact that you're asking people not involved to check your thought processes suggests to me that you haven't completely lost control of your mind, which is good, but . . if others' perspective is that this relationship is obviously a bad idea (which let me assure you, it is!), do you have the objectivity required to pull out?


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Lachesis
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Jul 2008
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 10:11 AM (#50317)

wait, wait, wait a minute....

she "loves" you? really, already? have you guys even had a face-to-face meeting yet?

by any chance, did she start up the "Internet relationship" with your co-worker because she happened to see a picture of him posted somewhere?

(does she have a big dark basement and a shiny collection of sharp implements too?)

if the hair isn't standing up on the back of your neck by now, i'm wondering why. what women make offers of sex to guys who haven't even been within touching distance?

from my POV, it would be scary ones. very. scary. ones.


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TheOriginalJes
Lover

Posts: 205

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 11:45 AM (#50320)

I don't know what y'all'r talkin' 'bout...

Sex with her should be just fine...

...as long as it's cybersex,...

...with someone else's computer,...

...and login,...

...with a good anti-virus program,...

...on a random IP address.

Go for it!

But first, forward her to your "real" blog and "updated" photo. Just to be sure. ;D


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, December 01, 2009 - 06:18 PM (#50331)

The correct term to apply here seems to be Social Nutworking. My advice is that unless you thrive on the drama of receiving busted car windows, slashed tires, flaming sofas, and the knowledge that she is going to date any of your friends she learns of after she is done putting a protection order against you, it would be best to steer clear. If she is persistant in stalking you, then I suggest you get the protection order first.

In terms of films I suggest "Fatal Attraction" is a good reference in addition to the "Play Misty for Me" already mentioned. Just remember no sex is worth getting involved with a bunny boiler.


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Pandorra
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Dec 2009
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Wednesday, December 02, 2009 - 03:34 PM (#50349)

My advice is run. For some reason this woman fixated on your co-worker and bitter, no sex could be worth the shear amount of drama that you will have to deal with. If you are good looking enough looking to get a random hook up like this you can find something fun and drama free.


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CasualNotice
Lover

Posts: 49

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Hidden Agenda? (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, December 06, 2009 - 07:30 AM (#50404)

Let's be honest, here. You've already decided to dip your pen in the crazy well; you just want someone to provide you with a justification that doesn't make exposing your genitals to an obvious psychopath sound so stupid. Sorry, there aren't any. So now what will happen is one of two things:

If you were bad (by her irrational standards) you will become another in her list of degrading activities he forced her to endure when he broke up with her. She will certainly accuse you of seducing her (using your friendship with him as a ploy) and may accuse you of raping her. If she gets pregnant, the child will be his despite the obvious flaws in her math and biology. This is, by the way, the best-case scenario.

If she likes your night of bad judgement, congratulations! The odds are that you now have a crazy stalker girlfriend. Care and feeding are simple--feed her all of your dreams and a piece of your soul twice a week and try not to flinch visibly when she casually mentions how much she wants to open you up like a biology class frog and crawl inside you.

So, yay for you! 2010 will certainly be an interesting year for you.


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Discussion: POLL: Hidden Agenda? | Login/Create an Account | 12 comments
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