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POLL RESULTS: Miss Adventure: (15 comments)

POLL: Miss Adventure

Friday, April 23, 2010 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: I have been involved with my current lover for three years. I have been trying to figure out how to bring up this subject, but I’m not sure how he’ll react. How do I get him to be more adventurous in bed? He seems more focused on what he wants and much less on what I want. Broaching the subject is more my problem than his because he seems receptive to suggestions. Maybe I just need to figure out how to get things going.

POLL: How can she get her man to be more adventurous?
 
82% (1418) Communicate better.
 
0% (4) Be patient. He'll figure it out.
 
11% (190) Leave appropriately-themed porn laying about
 
1% (26) Leave him. He'll never change.
 
5% (88) Booze. And lots of it.
1726 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
jwalsh1208
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Apr 2010
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 01:55 AM (#55813)

Look to be very honest, men are simple. Unless you are asking him to touch tips with another man chances are he will be ok with whatever it is you suggest. And he might even be ok with the tip touching thing. Just bring up what you want to do, plain and simple. No need to make it a big deal. I am telling you being direct will work fine.


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arvee
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Apr 2010
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 03:34 AM (#55815)
In Response to jwalsh1208 (#55813):

jwalsh1208 is absolutely right. You've got to communicate and you do not have to make a big thing out of it. Just tell him, what you like. If you are feeling a bit awkward about it, because you think it is too kinky or something... Maybe try a light version first. The only thing one should avoid is the "our sex is not satisfying me, I want (insert stuff you want here)." This might give him the feeling that he is not able to satisfy you - and from my own experience, this is not a good thing. (yes, yes, I know, I'm a sissy)

All in all, I wouldn't be surprised if he wants some adventurous stuff himself. I was nearly shocked when my gf told me she would like to watch porn, while i am satisfying her or to spank her a bit or whatever... But hell, I liked it myself as well. We found stuff, we both like, stuff she's more in than me and the other way round. And it's a good thing to discover things together. I mean what's the worst that can happen: "Sorry, I am seriously not into that." Not such a big risk, is it?


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CasualNotice
Lover

Posts: 49

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 05:28 AM (#55816)

Yeah...I pretty much agree with those above. Tell him what you want, but try to avoid letting him know he's been as disappointing as a Michael Bay movie.


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Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 07:01 AM (#55817)
In Response to jwalsh1208 (#55813):

This is absolutely the case. We men have two tendencies: We don't see subtlety very often, or we ignore it because we think that we might be wrong (or misinterpreting it). If you know your dude's open to new things he just hasn't pushed for them himself, you need to make your own needs known. Yeah, he should be asking you more of what you want, but c'est la vie.


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NunyaBidness
Lover

Posts: 83

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 08:00 AM (#55818)

Yup. "Honey, I want to try something tonight. Can you get the whipped cream, some velcro and a pair of black markers."


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Coanunn
Lover

Posts: 11

Registered:
Feb 2010
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 08:11 AM (#55819)

I'll be honest, reading your question this isn't about your sex life at all. This is an opportunity to work on communication in your relationship. I've been in my current relationship going on 5 years now and it is still like pulling teeth to get either my wife or the other man involved to sit and discuss what is going on with our lives. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just say the words they fear, "we need to talk". Once you are sitting and talking you and they will find that it isn't so bad and you will find it easier and easier to ask for whatever it is you want. As stated above though, avoid letting him know you aren't satisfied if you can as that may be an ego kill that he can't recover from. If you have absolutely no courage to broach the subject find some innocous way to get him talking about it, either by showing him this comic and commenting that it sounds like fun to have the "toys" or some other piece of erotica that will get the subject started.

Best of Luck


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drfloyd5
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Apr 2010
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 08:56 AM (#55820)

"More Adventurous" isn't really specific enough. You need to think about what "More adventurous" means to you. And then discuss the specifics with him. Don't lecture, but during pillow talk, you could ask for specific things.


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CaptainSmokeblower
Lover

Posts: 58

Registered:
Nov 2009
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 10:27 AM (#55821)

One of my pet peeves about people in relationships is when they complain that their partner doesn't know what they want, especially when they haven't told their partner what they want. My typical response is, "Oh, I could have told you he's not a mind reader." You, on the other hand, seem to know you're going to have to communicate your desires.
If he's too diligent in pursuing his desires to listen to what you SAY you may need to restrain him and give him an object lesson. Done properly you should see his understanding increase.


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vorlonagent
Lover

Posts: 55

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 12:40 PM (#55822)

That's the thing that's odd about Our Girl. She knows she needs to talk to her man but is asking us what to do?

Talk to him. Did you need us to tall you that?

Or is his bed performance a metaphor for deeper trouble in paradise?

I don't recomment "we have to talk" just to update the bedroom game set. "Honey I have an idea. Can we try...?" sounds good to me.

Save "we have to talk" for genuine trouble in paradise because it will send a cold chill down your man's back instead of revving his motor and a cold chill won't give you what you want.


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Qumquat
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Mar 2010
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Friday, April 23, 2010 - 01:16 PM (#55823)

Communication, communication, communication!

If you are not entirely comfortable you could always try what my wife did. Make sure no one else is coming over (if he tends to come home with people let him know to come home alone), dress in some nice lingerie, greet him at the door and just say something along the lines of "God I've been horny all day, and earlier the thought of *insert new adventure here* popped into my head." And go from there. Afterwards, have some pillow talk, use your new adventure to discuss fantasies you both have (you never know, he might have some interesting ideas you never thought of either).

-Qumquat


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whutaguy
Lover

Posts: 14

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, April 24, 2010 - 08:25 AM (#55826)

Everyone has had great advice so far. A sublter plan is to bring up the topic in a different environment. The bedroom is not a good place to talk about sex life. In a long car ride to somewhere, mention that your girlfriend or co-woker or one of your magazines talked about doing X. Then talk about it. Then ask if he has any fantasies or ideas he'd like to discuss.


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DanialArin
Lover

Posts: 92

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, April 24, 2010 - 01:52 PM (#55827)

Sometimes the hardest part of asking for something new is figuring out what you want. Is the difficulty in bringing it up, or in figuring out what to ask for?

If you're just looking for "more adventurous" but not any specific "adventures", maybe pick up some books on advanced or exotic positions and practices. As for how to give it to him, "So one of the girls at work was talking about how her boyfriend blew her mind with this new technique out of nowhere. She asked, and he told her about this book. I was curious, and picked it up in the bookstore, and, um, take a look at page 57..." If unsure about where to look for an appropriate book, note that the local erotica shop probably has more than just movies and langerie, large online bookstores like Amazon have everything, and remember that everyone's heard of the Kama Sutra, so you can look that one up and see what other books they cross-link with it.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Monday, April 26, 2010 - 09:04 PM (#55834)

How do I get him to be more adventurous in bed? ... Broaching the subject is more my problem than his because he seems receptive to suggestions. Maybe I just need to figure out how to get things going.

Well, you seem to see what the problem is, and you've already come up with the same answer that the commenters have been giving. Perhaps you want someone to talk you out of doing the obvious? OK ...

<sarcasm>

Even if you don't know what you want, it's the man's job to read your mind. You shouldn't have to tell him anything. If he doesn't know what you want, he's insensitive, self-centered scum. (You already recognize that: "He seems more focused on what he wants and much less on what I want.") Give him the cold shoulder, and focus on what a creep he is while you're having sex. If he asks what's wrong, tell him "Nothing ..." If he persists, become enraged and snap at him: "You just don't get it, do you? If you don't understand what's wrong, there's nothing I can do to educate you!" Remember, it's his job to know.

</sarcasm>

There ... Is that better?

Hey, it's the technique my wife's sister used successfully to end her marriage. Who needs any of that "communication" crap when you can have righteous indignation instead?


Locked profile
Nada
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
May 2010
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, May 02, 2010 - 02:34 AM (#55862)

It's no crime to be shy!

I like the idea re: mentioning a book, that's clever.

If you're not comfortable talking about sex manuals, you could mention a story you read, maybe a particularly sexy moment? Add that as you were reading it, you found yourself fantasizing what'd be like w/ your bf and you in the leading roles...

You also could try bringing up the INCREDIBLY HOT dream you had, where your bf was (insert what you want) and it just drove you CRAZY. Again, mention how you found yourself thinking about it during the day and smiling. I used this w/ a bf who was very sensitive and a little insecure; we both had a good time.

Good luck! :)


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Caffeine
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Feb 2009
Re: Miss Adventure (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, May 02, 2010 - 01:21 PM (#55864)

Geez, simply start undressing him and state, "Today, we're doing it my way."

That is, if you have already found out what you want.


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