Get a job working the graveyard shift (midnight to 8 a.m.). Have your wife get you up at 10 p.m. ... problem solved!
POLL RESULTS: Morning desire: (17 comments)
POLL: Morning desire
in Reader Questions by Guigar
Friday, May 14, 2010 - 12:00 AM
A reader writes... Q: My wife says “come boink me” every night but I have trouble rising to the occasion. I’m not in the mood until the morning. But by then she doesn’t want it. We both agree we’re not getting enough sex so what do we do?
POLL: What's the best time for sex?
1373 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
posted Friday, May 14, 2010 - 05:16 AM (#55940)
Alas, unless you're a trucker, cop, convenience store clerk, security guard, or emergency medical personnel, or a phone support technician living in India, graveyard shift jobs are few and far between...
Different people have different body clocks. In caveman times, this was a survival feature, since it gave you a natural set of round-the-clock watches. In modern times, it's a hassle, since most people have jobs geared toward a particular block of time. For some people it's a level-of-rest thing, particularly if it's just arousal and not energy levels, and for others it's about lighting levels.
This is harder if you have kids, but it just might work... Try taking a nap either after work, getting up just in time for dinner, or after dinner, getting up just in time for bed. If you normally help her clean up after dinner, maybe come up with something you can take over for her in the morning instead (if you do have kids, then getting them up for school might be it). If it doesn't work, though, don't force it; you could muck up your sleep schedule and have trouble getting up in the morning.
If that doesn't work, then it might be a light level thing for one or both of you. If it's both of you, you can try playing around with the lighting in the room in the evening, different brightnesses, different color spectrums (i.e. different types of bulbs, such as fluerescent vs. incandescent; they also make "daylight spectrum" bulbs of both types which help people who have lack-of-sunlight depression and mucked-up sleeping schedules, or help you see indoors what clothing or paint will look like in sunlight), or using dark-colored shades or curtains to mute the sunlight (as long as those don't make it hard to get up in the morning), to see if you can find a happy medium.
If you're lucky, it's a level-of-rest thing for you and a lighting thing for her, and the nap solution will work. If it's a lighting thing for both of you, that's going to be very difficult to manage. If it's level-of-rest for both of you, that's easier to manipulate, but still a lot of effort.
posted Friday, May 14, 2010 - 11:59 AM (#55946)
In Response to NunyaBidness (#55943):
This has "stress" written all over it. I go through the day, I do my thing for my pay, I come home and my day takes it all out of me.
I mean for most guys, this woman just said the magic words, right?
Note: no foreplay. No setting of the scene. Men in general aren't hard to...well..get hard, so if Mr. Happy isn't up to doing his dance late at night, thre's something else going on. that something else can be gotten around one way or another but it'll mean a little more time.
A nice meal, little wine, take turns with the backrubs, relax a little, and one of two things will happen. Our guy will conk out or his motor will srart to revv. If he conks out it's time to look at lifestyle changes.
posted Friday, May 14, 2010 - 12:12 PM (#55947)
Get a prescription from your doctor for viagra or something similar. Pop one after supper, but eat lightly because that can contribute to your difficulty rising (the blood is in your gut rather than where your wife wants it). If you're still in the mood in the morning then I suspect she might be too. (I've not used the 36 hour stuff so don't know if it helps a second or third time on one dose, or just lasts up to 36 hours or until you "use" it, but if it allows you to rise multiple times on one dose that would help you double your sex life without becoming ambidextrous.)
posted Saturday, May 15, 2010 - 11:35 AM (#55956)
Are you *tired* at night? Or is it purely *mood*? Or is it *inability to get an erection*?
First step to solve a problem is always ALWAYS to ask what the problem actually is!
Has your wife tried outright giving you a blowjob at night and seeing what develops?
posted Saturday, May 15, 2010 - 11:52 AM (#55957)
In Response to CaptainSmokeblower (#55947):
@CaptainSmokeblower: Given the answers to last week's question, Viagra's a bad idea. He's not unable to get it up at all, he's having trouble at certain times of day. Viagra and the like are for folks who can't get it up no matter what they do. And he's already indicated that his wife won't be in the mood anymore in the morning; for whatever reason, her arousal is tied to bedtime.
Ideally, either Nunyabidness or vorlonagent is right and for him it's about being tired or too stressed or too well fed. Unlikely it's a lack of manual foreplay; I'm sure they'd have tried that already.
I'm going to hazard a guess they don't have kids, or at least not kids not yet of school age. My folks have indicated once or twice that kids running around the house all day will tend to leave the parent who's home with them exhausted and disinterested in the evening... but that making up for it in the mornings was generally well worth the wait. However, if he was exhausted at night from minding kids all day, he'd probably have said so.
posted Saturday, May 15, 2010 - 04:31 PM (#55959)
This might be worth reading:
Wikipedia: Nocturnal Penile Tumescence, AKA "morning wood" [wikipedia.org]
posted Sunday, May 16, 2010 - 06:56 AM (#55960)
Get in there and satisfy that woman with hands, mouth or toys. Whatever it takes. When she sees the effort you are putting into her happiness, maybe she'll reciprocate in the early hours.
Additionally, she won't start looking for a different man who will satisfy her at night.
posted Tuesday, May 18, 2010 - 12:34 PM (#55975)
Just grab some lub and do it in the morning!
Even if she doesn't like morning sex, stick it in while she sleeps, you don't have to talk, or do a foreplay, or anything like that, just do it and enjoy your erection.
The tastes, the feelings, the smells, will be on mind for the rest of the day and probably both gonna be ready to do some more late at night.
Do it for a few days and soon she will be waking you up to have sex!
posted Wednesday, May 19, 2010 - 09:18 PM (#55991)
I just remembered, K-Y has been advertising a couple of new products for the past few months, one intended to "enhance female satisfaction", the other intended to stimulate arousal in both partners. One or the other of these may serve to put one of you in the mood "off-schedule". The catch is, check the ingredients, and check your birth control. Petroleum-based lubricants supposedly have a reputation for breaking down the structural integrity of latex.
@yahngess: Those are most likely the two times when there is nothing else that either of them is required to attend to.
posted Tuesday, May 25, 2010 - 12:23 PM (#56057)
In Response to Darkness (#56043):
Actually, it most likely won't.
It is, however, a stereotypical comment that usually causes most women to roll there eyes and ignore the man who made it.
And, it may not take long before she decides that her husband is "insensitive" and "abusive", depending upon her personality.
posted Friday, May 28, 2010 - 02:00 PM (#56094)
In Response to TheOriginalJes (#56057):
Maybe... But then, will be new problems.
For now the main question is: "We both agree we’re not getting enough sex so what do we do?"
- Do it in the morning.
Sounds like something really easy to solve.
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