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POLL RESULTS: First Timer: (10 comments)

POLL: First Timer

Friday, August 13, 2010 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q. I met a girl over the Internet recently. She's 20 to my 24 and still a virgin. She recently told me she loved me despite us not meeting yet. The problem is I'm not in love with her and have told her as much. She continues to flirt and talk about how much she wants to meet up and have sex. I'm never one to turn it down, but I'm afraid to hurt her because I don't want her to think of her first time as some guy who let her love him and didn't reciprocate. What do I do?

POLL: Should he or shouldn't he?
 
3% (83) Of course he should!
 
39% (940) No way. This has disaster written all over it
 
57% (1362) Geez, why not meet her first and THEN decide?
2385 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 12:41 AM (#56684)

Perhaps it's a scam. She might be about to set you up and then cry rape, or she might tell you that she's pregnant and needs money for an abortion or for child support.

Or perhaps she's merely crazy, because sane women do not stay virgins for twenty years and then suddenly decide to give up the precious flower of their virginity to men they've never met -- and who do not particularly want that specific "gift." See, for example, Clint Eastwood's "Play Misty for Me." Or beter yet, remember Nelson Algren's advice:

Never play cards with a man called Doc.

Never eat at a place called Mom's.

Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.


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pollywog
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Jul 2008
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 01:45 AM (#56685)

I couldn't vote for any of the choices because it didn't have anything like my first choice, although "disaster" is a good start at characterizing it:

Run. If she was saying she is under 18 you could assume that its a 48 year old balding FBI agent at the other keyboard. Given that she claims she's of legal age, it's probably not an FBI agent. Flip a coin as to whether she'll turn out to be a hot looking 15 year old who you'll have a wild time with until you find out the truth when you are busted, or some guys in a Nigerian internet cafe setting you up, or ...

"On the Internet nobody knows you're a dog"


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Amanda
Lover

Posts: 30

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 02:47 AM (#56686)

Seriously, go to a bar if you want to sleep with crazy chicks. Do not meet her! Don't go near her. Speaking as someone who did lose her virginity at 20 to someone she met on the internet, I can tell you... we're crazy. So totally insane. Plus she's probably fat and ugly. On a more serious note, while losing my virginity wasn't that big of a deal to me like I thought it would be, it's still not right to lead her on. How one lost their virginity is brought up a lot so let her find a good memory and not something lame like a guy using her for sex.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 05:07 AM (#56688)

Y'know, pollywog raises a good point. How do you know she even exists? Have you seen her on live webcam?


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reynoldsrap
Lover

Posts: 14

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 06:05 AM (#56690)

I'm going to assume that you've confirmed that she is indeed real, because really, harping on that point isn't going to get to the heart of the question.

First of all, I applaud you for at least being honest. And I think you need to tell her that, too: "I'm not one to turn down sex, but the thing is, I'm not emotionally connected to you. Your first time should be special, with someone who actually loves you back. Otherwise, you're just going to get hurt."

You need to tell her this. I've been in this situation before, and the mature way to handle it is to NOT DO IT. You can still meet her, and maybe take her out on a date and see if maybe there's a spark you didn't notice. But do NOT sleep with this girl, no matter what she says, unless you feel that spark.


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ThatJeff
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Sep 2008
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 10:53 AM (#56691)

Wow, everyone on the forum is yelling "She's crazy/not real/etc DON'T DO IT!!" while the majority of the voters are saying you should at least meet her face to face....

Make a date for dinner at some public place. Don't drink alcohol. Talk. (Grumpy old man: Jeez, what is it with you kids and this 'internets' thing.....)


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Gyph
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Aug 2010
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 11:14 AM (#56692)

At least you have the morals to know when hot to have sex. But meet the girl first, you never know you might like her.
Then again maybe she's a 40 year old man name Mel, you never know!


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vorlonagent
Lover

Posts: 55

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 12:19 PM (#56693)

The key in this situation is that the girl is acting like she's got stars in her eyes and is stubbornly refusing to see clearly. Assuming she's genuine, she's offering sex as a bribe. If Our Guy gets in her pants, maybe he will stay.

Again, assuming she's genuine, Our guy is dealing with very raw emotions, which can and will have unpredictable effects. While I feel for anybody in a "so lonely I'm going crazy" situation as this girl seems to be in (been there, done that), there is great potential for a heaping helping of drama here.

A "Danger, Will Robinson!" or two is definitely in order.


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Dr_Awesome
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Aug 2010
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 01:20 PM (#56694)

Do it. Do it and never look back. Everyone's first time is traumatic. Why should hers be any different?

P.S. wear a rubber.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: First Timer (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 13, 2010 - 04:49 PM (#56696)

My first reaction is in line with my vote, meeting up with an "internet" hookup who loves you deeply without ever having met you has crazy nut job stalker written all over it.

That being said I have a few questions for you which will define the final answer. Are you a loser nobody who can get women to him the time of day? Do you lurk in dark and murky chat rooms hoping to lure in a naive woman so you can be a player, and dump her on the curb after you've abused her every was you desire? Are you a serial killer hoping for an anonymous way to cover up your real identity as you hunt your next victim? Are you certain she is not really a "serial killer" killer like Dexter hunting you instead?

Are you just plain unbelieveable horny enough to screw absolutely anything which will lay down for you?

If you answered yes to any or most of these questions, then you should do it. Otherwise, avoid the inevitable hurt feelings and drama. Just steer clear.


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Discussion: POLL: First Timer | Login/Create an Account | 10 comments
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