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Caught looking (16 comments)

Caught looking

Friday, September 03, 2010 - 07:52 AM

A reader writes... Q: I caught my 50-year-old husband leering at the twenty-something girl next door. He has a daughter about the same age, and the whole thing makes me sick. What should I do?

ElBueno
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Posts: 17

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Jan 2008
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 07:55 AM (#56855)

You should teach him that thinking about having sex with HIS OWN DAUGHTER FOR GODS SAKES is wrong.

Because that's obviously what he's doing.

Obviously.

(Sorry, I'm not capable of being constructive amongst such lunacy.)


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pissekatt
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Sep 2010
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 08:15 AM (#56856)

Oh for crying out loud! Let the man *look*! She is obviously better looking than his wife who she seems really whiny and demanding. Maybe he should upgrade to a newer model?


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pissekatt
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Sep 2010
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 08:16 AM (#56857)
In Response to pissekatt (#56856):

Edit button please. "She is obviously better looking than his wife who seems really whiny and demanding."**


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stuckinontario
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Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 09:11 AM (#56858)

Hit the gym.

That is all...


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Futabakun
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Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 12:26 PM (#56860)

At the age of 50, looking is just about all he's likely to do. It's possible for a man to appreciate an attractive woman (even a young one) and still love and care for his wife. If the woman gets sick just thinking her husband likes seeing a pretty girl, she's just looking for reasons to justify already existing doubts about her own relationship with the man.


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ErikTheRed
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Jan 2008
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 01:58 PM (#56862)

Leering? Really? 10 to 1 says that's a bit of an exaggeration. He was probably checking her out. Men do that. If that's a problem, consider lesbianism.

(And I usually give this same advice in reverse to guys: Women are different. Embrace it, deal with it, or learn to enjoy sucking cock. This usually straightens them right out).


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Mutt
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Aug 2008
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 03:52 PM (#56863)

Meh. Let him look. I'd shoot him a stink eye for leering though. You can look fairly without being impolite. Leering/staring is rather rude to everybody around.

My own father has created a "I won't look at anyone younger than my oldest daughter" (yours truly) rule. Which, he says he will only limit to age 30, at which point he declares all 30-and-up fair game to look at.

Then again, my 50 year old dad is also terribly squeemish while at the same time happily showing off his 3d Playboy magazine to anyone who will look.


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ed_mckeogh
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Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 04:48 PM (#56865)

This is the same biology/sociology issue that has haunted male/female relationships for ... well, as long as I can remember.

On the one hand, there's a MOUNTAIN of scientific research that reinforces the "no-brainer understanding" that guys respond with sexual arousal to visually stimulating women--young or otherwise.

On the other hand, there are fairly newish social expectations that husbands and wives don't betray their vows, that older men should NOT chase younger women, &c. (Let's remember that, in the not-so-distant past [as human evolution goes], mistresses and concubines were much more common and that it was NOT uncommon for families to marry off their teenaged daughters to 30-year-old men.)

So this situation is "classic" in the sense that biologically hardwired masculine traits (which have been cooking for over 200,000 years) are clashing with social mores that have become entrenched in the American psyche over the last, say, five decades.

Perhaps better than nagging and judging and other negative responses would be asking how he'd feel if one of his 50-year-old friends was hitting on his 20-year-old daughter. Feeling that discomfort may help the husband gain some "sensitivity" to the relative appropriateness of his actions. (Of course, the emphasis is on "may.") He could think of it as a kind of "karma"--stir someone else's pot, and someone else might stir his.


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sexisfunguy
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Sep 2010
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 05:55 PM (#56866)

Hmmm...it seems to me there's a bit of a double standard when it comes to looking. My ex would get upset if I checked out another woman or buy a Playboy but it was okay for her to get the latest fireman calendar. Society in general seems the same, men looking = creepy and wrong. Women looking = cute and liberating.

All we're talking about is looking. Should he avert his eyes at all the magazine covers in the checkout aisle, most of which feature 20 somethings? Maybe buy him some blinders.


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ed_mckeogh
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Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 03, 2010 - 09:34 PM (#56867)
In Response to sexisfunguy (#56866):

My ex-wife hung a life-sized poster of Phillies catcher, Darren Dalton, in our den. Oh, yeah; she felt "liberated."


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fettmaster
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Nov 2008
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, September 04, 2010 - 01:35 AM (#56868)

When young and someone is caught smoking, they are locked in a cupboard with a pack of 20 cigarettes and told they are not allowed out until they are all smoked.

When older and caught looking at a young lad, the same rules could apply.


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ThatJeff
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Sep 2008
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, September 04, 2010 - 08:45 PM (#56870)
In Response to sexisfunguy (#56866):

You mean seeing all the 40 year old moms salivating over the Twilight cast is "cute and liberating"?


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Sleddog
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Feb 2009
Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, September 05, 2010 - 02:46 PM (#56871)

I really don't see much of a problem as long as it's "look don't touch." Call it an evolutionary throwback or whatever but I suspect the human male is "hard wired" to want to be with women of child-bearing age and while our more evolved social side, which usually embraces life bonding, usually asserts itself (although look at the divorce rate) that doesn't stop us from looking. Of course I could be totally full of crap.


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MarauderDeuce
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Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Monday, September 06, 2010 - 08:33 AM (#56883)

Like so many things this is another where you'll probably not get the same answer from any 2 people chosen at random.

What some see as an innocent glance others will take to be a lecherous drooling oggle.

In the end there's only 1 person who knows if the old fella's viewing was sick or not and that's the old fella himself.

For the record I believe that looking at can be alright but it depends on the nature of the look. If he's peering through the slats of the fence with his trousers around his ankles then he's probably crossed the line. :)


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Guairdean
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Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Monday, September 06, 2010 - 07:57 PM (#56895)

Of course he was looking. He's male and has a pulse. You idiot, he's not lusting after his daughter, he's lusting after his lost youth. Quit nagging and show him some affection, instead of a serpent's tongue.


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Archwright
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Re: Caught looking (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 01, 2010 - 10:46 AM (#57222)

Everyone looks. Everyone with a sex drive has the occasional sexy thought. Sins of the mind were thrown out in the colonial era.

If he's not allowed to look at Moneypenny, you aren't allowed to look at James Bond.


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