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POLL RESULTS: Is He a Cheater?: (15 comments)

POLL: Is He a Cheater?

Friday, November 26, 2010 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: My boyfriend stays out until 3 to 4 a.m. at least three times a week. I asked him if he’s cheating and he says no. I’ve asked him before and he said no, but I found evidence that he was talking to women on the computer and ex girlfriends by text message. He’s on every porn site, and he has porn DVDs. On top of that he’s on Mocospace, Myspace, Facebook, and Linkedin. He says its for his music promotion, but all of his friends are women. He cheated three years ago, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being played again. I want to trust him but it’s so darn hard. He says he will come in the house anytime he wants because hes a grown man, and he’s not going to follow any rules. I feel that if he loves me he would come in the house at a reasonble hour. Am I being too controlling? Or is he not respecting me the way I deserve? Please help, my famliy and friends usually give one-sided advice.
POLL: Is he cheating?
 
24% (402) Yes
 
2% (47) Definitely
 
3% (55) Absolutely
 
27% (449) Are you kidding? Of COURSE he is!
 
6% (109) Beyond the shadow of a doubt
 
29% (484) NO! He's not -- sorry... I can't even pretend. He's cheating.
 
4% (69) I, um, really think he's innocent... *really*...
1615 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
KillJoySpaceBoy
KillJoySpaceBoy

Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 01:53 AM (#57566)

Even if he isn't cheating (innocent until *PROVEN* guilty) he isn't showing you much respect. Relationships are about mutual respect and he obviously doesn't care enough about what you think of him if he's going to act like a child and pull the "I'm a big boy" crap. Especially if he's cheated on you before, and now he's not even attempting to try and ease your mind. Lose 'im. Plenty of fish.


--
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
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Uriko
Lover

Posts: 19

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 03:17 AM (#57568)

I agree with above post. He obviously doesn't respect you, cheating or not. Since he's already cheated on you once, it should be clear to him that he needs to do something so you could trust him again - if it's not, it just proves how bad of a choice he is.

Do yourself a favor and find a real man and not the *** he is.


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clupshaw
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 04:52 AM (#57569)

Cheating, not cheating...it doesn't matter at this point. The two things I'm noticing here are:
1) Your man is a douche. No, really. He's a douche and you should rocket on out of this relationship so fast you leave scorch marks in the carpet. And douches? They don't age into nice guys.
2) You don't trust him. You sort of need that.
So here it is, punkin - get out, leave a charred path behind you. And, um....TRUST your family. They're usually right.


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beauxeaux
Lover

From: Virginia

Posts: 2

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 07:26 AM (#57571)

+1 to all of the above.

A friend of mine got a divorce because her husband, who had cheated in the past, was still doing things that at least sure looked like he was probably cheating. I couldn't blame her in the least.

Dump his sorry ass, FAST AND HARD. If he grows up, sometime down the road, maybe you can take him back... but if you do, keep him on a VERY short leash.


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ElBueno
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 07:52 AM (#57572)

Oh for the love of damn it, just because he likes porn doesn't mean he's cheating.

All of those OTHER reasons mean he's cheating, yes, but the porn has nothing to do with it.

In any case, run like hell.


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betaiotamu
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Mar 2009
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 08:41 AM (#57573)
In Response to ElBueno (#57572):

The answers to your questions are:
No. You made a reasonable request in an appropriately assertive manner. He rejected it.
Yes. If he did respect your request he would either comply or seek a solution that provided you with the assurance you need to feel secure. He has demonstrated that your feelings are NOT a priority for him. That alone should be a deal-breaker.


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jwalsh1208
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Apr 2010
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 01:17 PM (#57575)
In Response to KillJoySpaceBoy (#57566):

Absolutely what you said. Even if he isn't cheating, the attitude of I am a MAN and I will not be told what to do is so stupid. I am a 32 year old man. I love and respect my wife. Because of that if she asked me to not be out so late, guess what I wouldn't be out so late. So who cares if he is cheating leave his ass cause he is a douche bag.


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ErikTheRed
Lover

Posts: 25

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 02:12 PM (#57576)
Look, I hate to give away the endings to things... but you said he does Music Promotion? That alone pretty much says it all. Try showing the slightest amount of common sense, please. It's like women who date rock stars and then are shocked, shocked to find out the guy's sticking his penis in 8,000 other places.
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spzeidler
Lover

Posts: 35

Registered:
Jan 2010
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 26, 2010 - 06:20 PM (#57577)

At this point, it doesn't even matter all that much whether he actually cheats or not. You don't trust him and he doesn't care. Why are you even with him? I'm sure you could do better.


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Archwright
Lover

Posts: 19

Registered:
Oct 2010
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, November 27, 2010 - 10:58 AM (#57580)

Finding out that he's been cheating just gives you an excuse to dump him, right? The truth of the matter is you don't need a concrete list of transgressions to dump somebody. If you are not happy with him, that is reason enough.


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Meander
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Aug 2008
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, November 27, 2010 - 12:34 PM (#57584)

EVEN IF HE WASN'T CHEATING [and he is SO cheating, girlfriend], he is NOT into you. Not at all.


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darkgolem
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, November 28, 2010 - 09:21 AM (#57586)
In Response to Meander (#57584):

Yes he is cheating. The real question you should be asking is why you let it go this far. Cheaters (actually, any type of victimizer) look for the signs of a person who is predisposed to be be a victim. These are people who for whatever reason (I am not saying they are bad or anything) allow themselves to be victim.

So much communication is non verbal, and people who are predisposed to victimization telegraph their disposition for this in their nonverbal communication (bearing, what they say and so on).

This example here is not related to being a victim of cheaters, but is gives you an idea of what I am speaking of: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1460- 2466.1981.tb01206.x/abstract

If you have problem with this, and you commit to not being a victim to yourself, get help (therapy maybe) and turn away from the behavior that makes this happen to you.

If you are predisposed to being a victim and don't change, than you will always be one, even if it isn't nescessarily with this guy.


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darkgolem
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, November 28, 2010 - 10:34 AM (#57587)
In Response to darkgolem (#57586):

Duh. "What they say". Pardon I mean "So much communication is non verbal, and people who are predisposed to victimization telegraph their disposition for this in their nonverbal communication (bearing, they way they look at people, that sort of thing)."


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general_king
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Dec 2010
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, December 14, 2010 - 10:13 PM (#57702)

to be honest im not sure if this post is for real. it appears as if you have stuck together everything you can think of tat sounds like cheating and then sent it. also, even though hes obviously cheating, not having the option to reply with a no hes not without it being sarcastic is frankly stupid, "your entitled to your oppinion even if its wrong" so we should be able to seriously answer no. the porn is not cheating, was not cheating, and will never be cheating. if theres a real woman involved and they are having real contact and real sex its not porn, so get over youreself.


--
vegetables and fruits are NOT food, thier what food eats
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lwj2
Lover

Posts: 33

Registered:
Feb 2008
Re: Is He a Cheater? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, December 21, 2010 - 07:44 AM (#57734)

1) They may well be for his music promotion.

2) If he's on all these porn sites, is he still meeting his half of the rent? Does he show up at work on time?

3) He's already cheated, Q.E.D.

4) He may think he's a grown man, what he's saying is "I finally got away from mommie, you can't make me" -- dump him and find a real man.

5) Respect isn't deserved, sweetie, it's earned.

6) If your family can't stand him, that's something of an indicator.


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