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POLL RESULTS: She wants to get a little behind: (14 comments)

POLL: She wants to get a little behind

Friday, December 03, 2010 - 12:00 AM

This week... Q: During foreplay and sex, my girlfriend likes to put her finger into my anus. I really don't mind this, though if I try to do the same to her she slaps my hand away and says "exit only" and that it's different for women in that area than it is for men. She's also asked me multiple times if she could use a strap on or dildo on me because she says all men enjoy that sort of thing. I told her no but she said I'm no fun and keeps pressing the issue. I really don't want this to cause problems in our relationship but I can't seem to get through to her on this one. Is there anything else I can do to prevent this from becoming an even bigger issue than it needs to be?
POLL: How can he handle the situation?
 
4% (117) Remember to take deeeeeep breaths
 
63% (1526) It's not that different for women than it is for men. Tell he if she lets you -- er -- "scratch" her back, you'll give her yours.
 
31% (757) Stand your ground, man. Better yet... sit.
2400 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
pollywog
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Jul 2008
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 12:21 AM (#57625)

One word: Metamucil. Time it right she'll never try it again.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 01:18 AM (#57627)

...if I try to do the same to her she slaps my hand away and says "exit only" and that it's different for women in that area than it is for men.

And she knows this ... how?

She's also asked me multiple times if she could use a strap on or dildo on me because she says all men enjoy that sort of thing.

Bull. The woman wants to use you -- to do things to you rather than make love with you.

I'll give you the same advice I'd give to a woman whose male partner insists that she do things she isn't comfortable about: Don't do anything you don't want to do, and if she can't accept this, move on.


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Henchman21
Lover

Posts: 9

Registered:
Oct 2010
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 01:26 AM (#57628)

Do yourself a little research. From everything I've ever read on the subject, it is NOT that different for women than it is for men. From individual to individual... well, that depends on mental state as well as more legitimate physical differences (not that you'd enjoy it, no matter the physicality, without the mental back-up there. Also, sorry for the poor phrasing. Best I could cobble together in under an hour...)

Now, the real issue as I see it: She is insistent that her way is the right way. Whether or not she is willing to share and share alike may even play into it. Does she really believe it is different for women? Does she just want to feel more in control? Is it actually something that just plain turns her on for no other psychological reason? I aint the one to ask. If you want the relationship to work, the two of you need to talk about this (and probably more). I always recommend counseling where available and practical (don't let it break the bank or anything), and if that isn't possible, the good old third party mediator can help. 'Course, it may be a little bit of a tender area to discus in public (pun intended).


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Amanda
Lover

Posts: 30

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 01:31 AM (#57629)

Well... she is right that it is different for men as they have a prostate, which is similar to a g-spot, located in their anus and most women do not. However, she has no right to pressure you into doing something that you have clearly stated you do not want to do and it's also not fair for her to expect you to do something that she would not. Many women and men find anal sex pleasurable, but everyone is different. She can't generalize and say that because you're a man, you will like it. Talk to her, before you have sex again, about what you're willing to accept her doing and what you're not and don't forget the why. Maybe she'll understand what she's doing to you if you really talk it out. Or maybe you will convince each other to try it.


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The7thDoctor
Lover

Posts: 3

Registered:
Mar 2007
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 02:00 AM (#57630)

All men do NOT enjoy that sort of thing. I've never had it done to me and if the subject ever came up I would not want it done to me. I never even liked getting my temperature taken that way.

Your girlfriend needs some schooling if she thinks she knows everything.


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abb3w
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 02:18 AM (#57631)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#57627):

I'll second the "do things to you" impression. I'm getting a strong D+S vibe, with her in the D-role. Worse, I think the claim of "exit only/different for women" is... well, at best a pile of crap. At worst, it's a hallmark of delusional sociopathy.

Now, if you LIKE the notion of an S-role, it's still not utterly out of the question. An "equal opportunity" approach at least once seems from my limited experience the easiest way for her to signal this is just "exploration". However, you're approaching zones where a pre-defined safeword is all but mandatory; and having to repeat the safeword doesn't merely mean "stop NOW", it means "I'm going to call the cops and a lawyer as soon as I get somewhere safely away".

I wouldn't burn my bridges instantly (if the sex was otherwise utterly spectacular), but I'd make sure I had the demolition/evacuation plan ready on zero notice.


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lwj2
Lover

Posts: 33

Registered:
Feb 2008
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 07:57 AM (#57633)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#57627):

Agreed.

Sex is unique for each of us.

Some enjoy things others don't, for some it's "okay," others "wow" and some simply can't for one reason or another.

The essence of "partner" is being aware of this.


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MarauderDeuce
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Sep 2010
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 09:08 AM (#57635)

Yeah, that isn't happening - and fortunately my missus agrees so all is good on that front.

I'm a strong believer in if you want it done or want them to let you do it then you should be prepared for turn around. If they want oral sex then they should be prepared to return the favour.

If they want to poke your date then they had better be prepared for some poking of their own!

In the end - as already stated above - it's your body and you say no if you don't want it. She already does.


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galaxygoddess
Lover

Posts: 6

Registered:
Aug 2009
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 10:14 AM (#57636)

I'm reminded of a conversation with my aunt in which her husband had been pestering her for anal, and her response was "when you shove a broom handle up your own ass, then we'll talk about it." He stopped asking.

I was married to a guy who wanted me to "Stick my finger there" and got incredibly upset that I thought it was horribly disgusting, and then he'd pressure me to let him err... put it there, and I quickly discovered that was the worst idea ever.

There are women who LOVE anal sex, and there are men who love it too. There's even some physical explinations of why it's good for either partner. I'd say google it, but the porn sites would be immense, so I'd say talk to a medical professional. However, if you're not comfortable with something, no is always the right answer. If she cannot get over your request, your relationship is going no where.

My current husband and I have a lovely agreement in "if the other person isn't comfortable with it, no means no. We even have a list of pre-agreed "not doing it" items. Sexual relationships go both ways and this "its different for women" thing is bullshit.

This needs to be a big issue in your reltionship. Letting it go, or going along with it, is just demeaning to you, and crude of her.


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Garwulf
Lover

From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 10:38 AM (#57637)

Well, I'm not exactly a relationship expert, but I do know what sunk my first serious one, and that was letting issues lie, and expecting that they will fix themselves. They didn't - they got worse the longer they were left.

So, in this case, I would suggest dealing with this explicitly, decisively, and immediately. Sit down with her and have a serious chat - tell her that it's not something you're comfortable with, that your discomfort is not going to change, and you're not liking the pressure being put on you. And, if she can't accept that on something this personal, well, you'll know what you have to do next.


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darkgolem
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 04:53 PM (#57638)

If you don't want to do this, then that is that, and she should respect that. Explain to her your not comfortable with this going further than it is now, and that her pressuring you is bothering you.

If she doesn't respect this, than she isn't respecting you. Which is eventually a deal breaker in your relationship.

And I will note that if you compromise on this, if it truly is something you don't want, sooner or later it will be a problem. It will come back eventually. I wouldn't advise accepting unwanted types of sex to try to preserve a relationship.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 03, 2010 - 11:31 PM (#57640)

Or, y'know, you could just point out to your girlfriend that it's a known scientific fact that all women really want to be raped and punched around a bit. And those who say otherwise are either lying or deluded. So ...

(Yes, that's sarcasm. God help you if she takes you seriously, and agrees.)


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Darkness
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Mar 2010
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Monday, December 06, 2010 - 12:00 AM (#57647)

You're dating an "Hefemale", or something that is not exactly a "girlfriend"... Leave her, let her have time and space to find someone who will fulfill her desires.


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hammysantana
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Nov 2009
Re: She wants to get a little behind (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 10, 2010 - 02:50 PM (#57683)

Tell here if you do it to her first, then she can do it to you next time.

Then when you destroy her dumper, dump her. :D


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