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POLL RESULTS: The too-happy widower?: (5 comments)

POLL: The too-happy widower?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011 - 12:00 AM

This week... Q.: My friend's wife recently passed away, but he's never been the type to let things keep him down for long. Already he seems more cheerful and I'm afraid he might be moving too fast. What if he gets into some sort of relationship? Is it just a rebound phase, or has he genuinely moved on?
POLL: What should this guy do about his friend?
12% (79) Nothing. Mind your own business!
1% (7) Try to convince your pal to slow down
85% (522) Be a friend. Be supportive. And be *there* when he needs you.
608 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)

Posts: 26

Jan 2011
Re: The too-happy widower? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, January 26, 2011 - 01:49 AM (#58109)

Your friend may be feeling loneliness and looking for companionship to push it away. And yes, he may just be moving too fast because he doesn't want to be alone.

The point remains that he's an adult, it's his right to decide what's best for him and he'll have to decide his pace in moving on. As a friend, if you try to tell him otherwise, it's likely to end in argument and you may lose his friendship.

So, it's best to be there, encourage him, and be a shoulder when he needs one instead of worrying whether he's pushing too fast too soon. Especially right now, when he's going through changes and prone to rediscovering himself without his wife.

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Posts: 11

Apr 2009
Re: The too-happy widower? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, January 26, 2011 - 02:31 AM (#58110)

Especially if his wife was sick for some time, he might have been already prepared for this change in his life.

So what if he gets in a relationship? If he gets into one too soon and he's not ready, it'll fail, and people will move on again. It happens. Your friend will be fine.

I have a friend who's mother passed away from cancer a few years ago, and his father has already moved on and married again. My friend's sister and brother had trouble accepting this, and all it's done is put a strain on their relationship with him and his new wife-it certainly hasn't changed the father's mind about his relationship decisions! My friend on the other hand, has done his best to let them be, and their relationship is strong and healthy.

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Posts: 2

Jan 2011
Re: The too-happy widower? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, January 26, 2011 - 08:20 AM (#58113)
The right answer here is, in my opinion, a combination of one and two. As his friend, you have a responsibility to him to express your concerns for him - even if he doesn't like what you say. That does not mean you are justified in meddling. Once you have expressed your concern it becomes none of your business, regardless of what he does. I would suggest the following:

  • Go out for a beer.
  • Tell him you have something on your mind you want to talk to him about.
  • Tell him that first and foremost you are his friend.
  • Express your concerns.
  • Tell him that first and foremost you are his friend AND that you support him.
  • Listen if he wants to talk.
  • Drop it.
  • Have another beer.

  • The beer, of course, is optional, but I recommend it.
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    Posts: 83

    Apr 2008
    Re: The too-happy widower? (Score: 0)
    posted Saturday, January 29, 2011 - 06:45 AM (#58174)

    You're concerned because he's cheerful? Really?

    He could be glad any suffering she had is over. They may have discussed him moving on. He may just adapt fast. He may be trying to move on as best he can. He may not have loved her as much as you assume he did.

    Unless you know him well enough to know none of these is possible, it's not really your business. Be supportive in case it is just a phase, but don't meddle.

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    Posts: 7

    Jul 2009
    Re: The too-happy widower? (Score: 0)
    posted Saturday, January 29, 2011 - 10:58 AM (#58176)

    You probably have no idea what he and his wife arrainged, either. He may be acting not only with her (prior to her death) knowledge, but with her blessing. Also, everyone's grieving period is different; don't assume that he's on the rebound. Basically, MYOB, and support him when he needs it. And be happy that he didn't crash after her death like so many spouses do.

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