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POLL RESULTS: May-December romance?: (4 comments)

POLL: May-December romance?

Wednesday, February 09, 2011 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: I'm a 26 year old gay male who is in a relationship with a 45 year old man. While I am absolutely crazy about my boyfriend, and have only felt my feelings deepen towards him, and his towards me, in the time we have been dating (6 months), I still sometimes feel troubled. Every once in a while, I wonder whether this is going to implode horrifically, whether I made a mistake by getting involved with a guy that much older than me, and other such things. But at the same time, I look forward to seeing him all the time, and feel truly complete when we are together. This is easily the most satisfying and healthy relationship I've had in my life, and I've had a history of severely dysfunctional relationships. Am I just building mountains out of molehills and looking for excuses to run away?
POLL: What should he do?
 
83% (442) Relax. Love is ageless. Enjoy what you've found.
 
16% (86) You're being realistic. You have to ask if this relationship is worth it to you.
528 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Sanityfaerie
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: May-December romance? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 09, 2011 - 01:18 PM (#58282)

Seriously, even if it does implode horrificlly at some point, it'll still have been worth it. He makes you happy in the now, and he's giving you some life experience with actually having a healthy relationship. Either the relationship will last, which is great, or it won't - and if it doesn't, then the more time you spend in it now, enjoying it and making it work, the better off you'll be when it comes time to try to build a happy, healthy relationship with the next guy.


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rorirose
Lover

Posts: 26

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: May-December romance? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 11, 2011 - 01:43 AM (#58295)
In Response to Sanityfaerie (#58282):

Ahhh, yes... "Other Shoe Syndrome".

If you worry and stress over this, it's going to become noticeable and it's going to create problems for you. Don't let this happen.

If this guy makes you happy and he's happy with you, then stop trying to find things to mess it up or waiting for it to mess up. Enjoy what you have, even if it doesn't last forever. Fretting over 'what if's' isn't going to help.

Besides, he chose you. You, no matter your age, because he cares for you alone. Age is nothing but numbers in the grand scheme of life. Just be happy.


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Sionnach
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Feb 2011
Re: May-December romance? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 11, 2011 - 02:44 AM (#58296)

I see some other potential complications. I work in the mental health field and in my experience people who date people 20 years younger typically have control issues and once the honeymoon phase wears off things go bad quick and sometimes get dangerous quick. Be careful. If he starts telling you you're not good enough in any way get out fast.


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Delil
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Feb 2011
Re: May-December romance? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 18, 2011 - 10:13 AM (#58349)

As someone who has been married 6 years to a man 11 years my elder, this is the best advice I have.

Just because age doesn't matter to you doesn't mean it doesn't matter at all. Keep in mind that you are in different places in life. People of your age are inclined to be more flexible. You might want to go out more, stay out later, and tell your boss to shove off when he gets in your face. A man at 45 will be planning the last 15 years of his career and saving for retirement. You didn't mention a family from a prior relationship so I assume he doesn't have one. What about you? If you are going to have a long term relationship with this man you need to know about plans that he has that will necessarily involve his partner. He may be ready to adopt a child.

This doesn't have to be a bad thing. The mad affection you have for him now will fade soon into a deeper steadier love. That is worth more than I can ever tell you. Don't be afraid of his age itself, just know that it will be the cause of only some of the differences between you.


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