Re: High school sweetheart is back in town (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 21, 2011 - 12:25 PM (#58012
I am going to assume for the moment that you wish to stay with your wife. Given that, the thing to do is talk with her. Let her know what's going on, let her know how you feel, and let *her* have input into what to do about it. Honestly, the two options that look most likely to work to me (depending on how your wife reacts) are either have the two of you propose a threesome or allow your wife to do the friend thing with the other woman while you stay way the hell away.
If your wife likes the idea of a threesome, I would suggest that you wander around the internet a bit and look up the FAQs on something called "polyamory". If it works, it can be great, but there are a lot of ways to screw it up and a lot of ways to do it wrong, and a lot of folks online who have posted a lot of very helpful websites on how to *not* screw things up.
If my assumption is incorrect, and the recently refreshed flame is more appealing than your wife? Well, there are some things to be aware of here. There's a thing called NRE (new relationship energy) that basically says that people that you're with fresh are more appealing than those that you've been with for a while. Your views of her also seem to be based fairly heavily on your experiences in high school - when you were a different man, and she was a different woman. It is not just possible but fairly likely that if you do swap the one for the other, you'll find yourself regretting it after a relatively short period of time, once the NRE wears off and you have time to adjust to who the two of you are now, rather than who you were then. For that matter, if she's *recently* divorced, this may be something of a rebound relationship for her.
If the three of you do wind up going the threesome route (and again, this requires consent from all three of you individually) it may well behoove you to let your wife and the sweetheart hook up at least once without you beforehand. It'll help your wife not be jealous (which is good) and help reduce the risk of the sweetheart agreeing just as a way to try to steal you from your wife (which is good) and help make sure that the two of them are at least somewhat compatible without you (which is good). Believe me, you do not want to try to run a threesome where you have to personally satisfy two women at once without being able to hand them off to each other and rest for a little while.