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POLL RESULTS: High school sweetheart is back in town: (5 comments)

POLL: High school sweetheart is back in town

Friday, January 21, 2011 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: I’m a married man. Recently my high school sweetheart moved back to town. She is divorced and available and makes sure I’m aware of it all the time. I love my wife, but I’m in love with this woman and always have been. The problem is my wife likes and knows this woman. She has even told me to marry her if something happens with our marriage or she passes.
POLL: What should he do about his high-school sweetheart?
 
52% (1136) Stay away... stay far away...
 
2% (49) If you do something with this other woman, just make sure you keep it a secret.
 
45% (982) Threesome!
2167 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
NunyaBidness
Lover

Posts: 83

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: High school sweetheart is back in town (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 21, 2011 - 05:07 AM (#57989)

I voted threesome.

This assumes you know your wife well enough to know she might give it a try.

No matter what, you should be upfront with your wife that you and sweetie feel some sparks. Let her know you're glad they get along. Assure her you won't do anything behind her back (and you have to mean it). Then gauge how they actually handle each other (so to speak).

You may find out they decide to surprise you. You may be able to hint at it and fall madly in bed.

If not, you've been honest, your wife knows she can trust you and you have some awesome memories of sweetie for future alone time.


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ElBueno
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: High school sweetheart is back in town (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 21, 2011 - 07:02 AM (#57995)

I voted threesome because it was the only remotely reasonable choice of the three. None of them is that great an idea.

What you should ACTUALLY do is tell your wife how you feel about this woman. Be honest. Make sure she understands that this is a very old flame and that while you still have feelings for the flame and always will, you love your wife and nothing is changing that.

This, of course, assumes you want to be with your wife more than you want to be with the flame.

It's a complicated situation. Best thing you can do is be completely honest with yourself and figure out EXACTLY what you are feeling so you can clearly articulate it to your wife (who deserves to know).

And y'know what? Maybe it could turn into a threesome.


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elstreak
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: High school sweetheart is back in town (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 21, 2011 - 08:04 AM (#57998)
In Response to ElBueno (#57995):

Honesty is absolutely required, but be prepared for some fallout. So far people seem to have overlooked the fact that sweetie and your wife are friends, and yet she's all-but-coming-on to you behind your wife's back. This will possibly drive a wedge between the women when your wife finds out, but you have to tell her or you'll be as bad as sweetie. And even if your wife never finds out (which is unlikely in my experience) you'll know.


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Sanityfaerie
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: High school sweetheart is back in town (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 21, 2011 - 12:25 PM (#58012)

I am going to assume for the moment that you wish to stay with your wife. Given that, the thing to do is talk with her. Let her know what's going on, let her know how you feel, and let *her* have input into what to do about it. Honestly, the two options that look most likely to work to me (depending on how your wife reacts) are either have the two of you propose a threesome or allow your wife to do the friend thing with the other woman while you stay way the hell away.

If your wife likes the idea of a threesome, I would suggest that you wander around the internet a bit and look up the FAQs on something called "polyamory". If it works, it can be great, but there are a lot of ways to screw it up and a lot of ways to do it wrong, and a lot of folks online who have posted a lot of very helpful websites on how to *not* screw things up.

If my assumption is incorrect, and the recently refreshed flame is more appealing than your wife? Well, there are some things to be aware of here. There's a thing called NRE (new relationship energy) that basically says that people that you're with fresh are more appealing than those that you've been with for a while. Your views of her also seem to be based fairly heavily on your experiences in high school - when you were a different man, and she was a different woman. It is not just possible but fairly likely that if you do swap the one for the other, you'll find yourself regretting it after a relatively short period of time, once the NRE wears off and you have time to adjust to who the two of you are now, rather than who you were then. For that matter, if she's *recently* divorced, this may be something of a rebound relationship for her.

If the three of you do wind up going the threesome route (and again, this requires consent from all three of you individually) it may well behoove you to let your wife and the sweetheart hook up at least once without you beforehand. It'll help your wife not be jealous (which is good) and help reduce the risk of the sweetheart agreeing just as a way to try to steal you from your wife (which is good) and help make sure that the two of them are at least somewhat compatible without you (which is good). Believe me, you do not want to try to run a threesome where you have to personally satisfy two women at once without being able to hand them off to each other and rest for a little while.


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lwj2
Lover

Posts: 33

Registered:
Feb 2008
Re: High school sweetheart is back in town (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, January 26, 2011 - 08:56 AM (#58116)

Seppuku is a good plan. It will hurt less. You are so very hosed. More seriously, you appear to have a very nice wife, you should be grateful. Express that sentiment frequently to the lady.


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