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POLL RESULTS: Space... The Final Frontier...: (8 comments)

POLL: Space... The Final Frontier...

Friday, March 25, 2011 - 12:00 AM


A reader writes... Q: After my wife started taking Adderall, which can cause symptoms that mimic menopause, her affection for me seemed to wane -- although she told me she loved me. This past weekend, she told me she needed her space. What does that mean?
POLL: What does it mean when a women says that she needs her space?
 
52% (634) It means she needs her space. To be empty. Of you.
 
27% (334) It means you'd better start paying attention to her.
 
19% (238) It doesn't really mean anything. As usual.
1206 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

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Jan 2008
Re: Space... The Final Frontier... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, March 25, 2011 - 03:53 AM (#58672)

The immediate meaning: She wants to live her life apart from you.

The deeper meaning: Adderall can cause other symptoms than mimicry of menopause! Adderall is an amphetamine, and even people who use it as prescribed run a non-negligible risk of amphetamine psychosis [wikipedia.org]. Make sure she sees a medical specialist ASAP!


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BobfromSydney
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Mar 2011
Re: Space... The Final Frontier... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, March 25, 2011 - 05:36 AM (#58674)

I wouldn't get too distracted by the medication if I were you. It might be a good idea to focus on what ELSE has changed. Have you been behaving differently? Have the two of you not had much quality time or quality communication lately? Now is not a good time to smoother her with attention. But it might be a good idea to try rebuilding the fire and attraction. Encourage her to try something new, afterwards - plan and take her out on a date.

My wife wanted to add that she might just want some time with her friends so that she can come back to you refreshed and reenergised.


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Murgatroyd
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Re: Space... The Final Frontier... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, March 25, 2011 - 06:00 AM (#58675)

You have to know how to decode what's being said. "I need my space" is chickspeak for "I'm dumping you -- get out of my life."

Remember when someone tried to set you up with a date and told you that "She has a great personality"? Uh-huh ...


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Archwright
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Posts: 19

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Oct 2010
Re: Space... The Final Frontier... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, March 25, 2011 - 05:19 PM (#58693)

It means that the two of you need to go see a shrink really fast.

A change in sex hormones can change who we are attracted to. Occasionally women who go off birth control to have a child suddenly lose any an all sexual interest in their partners.

Certainly a steep drop off in sex drive is common with any type of menopause-like situaion.


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zmortis
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Jun 2009
Re: Space... The Final Frontier... (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, March 26, 2011 - 09:07 AM (#58699)

First I would atribute the lack of sex drive to her medication. Second I would atribute your lack of mutual bond without a sexual realtionship as a sign your relationship is in trouble. The question is whether both of you want to work to keep together or whether her inability to satisfy your sexual needs is enough to break you apart. Her asking for more space is frankly saying she's not that into you at the moment.

The question is what are you going to do about it. I suggest starting with honest communication about your feelings with each other, and figuring out where to mutually go forward from here.


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spzeidler
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Re: Space... The Final Frontier... (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, March 27, 2011 - 03:49 PM (#58708)

in my experience, some people get the idea that they know what other people they think they own (like you would own a dog) think and want better than these other people themselves.
The medication may have changed the wife enough that an attitude like that ("I know you really want sex! so your thinking that the thought of sex makes you sick right now is false, so put out already" to give a drastic example) rubs her the wrong way enough that the answer is "get the hell away from me already!".
If that is the case, the novel idea of sitting down and actually listening to what she has to say (instead of "let her blab and ignore everything she said, 'women make no sense anyway'") may help. As may couple counseling.

The path of least resistance is to just call it quits, of course.


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cptbeefalo
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Re: Space... The Final Frontier... (Score: 0)
posted Monday, March 28, 2011 - 02:49 PM (#58719)

First off, throw the "can cause symptoms that mimic menopause" out the window. How has she been acting? Your wording suggests she has been acting in a way that could be menopausal, so maybe her psychiatrist or her doctor who prescribed such needs to know about these symptoms. It might be part of the problem, as you seem to think, it might not.

Second, Adderall is usually given for ADHD, which would suggest that she might have been an impulsive person for whom life was a bit scattered and difficult previously. Perhaps the medication is giving her a chance to review her life and see that there are some things she'd like to be different. Perhaps how your relationship has been going is one of those things. That isn't to say that your marriage is over, but that she seems to be feeling changes are needed, and you need to talk to her and possibly a marital counselor to see if you can make some of the changes she desires and save the marriage.

Either way, when she says she needs some space you have to respect her wishes and give it to her but you can still support her (without smothering her) as she works through this rough time, continue to show her that you love her, and try to honestly think about what changes she says she needs and how you can perhaps change to make them happen.


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LonesomeLoser
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Mar 2011
Re: Space... The Final Frontier... (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, April 21, 2011 - 11:00 AM (#58905)
In Response to cptbeefalo (#58719):

Interesting. If the situation were reversed (man says I need my space) there would be universal condemnation about how he is a philanderer.
A friend of mine's wife up and left him one day for a guy she met on a game chat (one of those sims type) Why does HE have to respect her wishes? If she wants out, then leave. But leave knowing she walked away and gets nothing in the split


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