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POLL RESULTS: Bachelor partying: (14 comments)

POLL: Bachelor partying

Friday, April 08, 2011 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: My wife travels out of town for work from time to time. After we were first married, she said I’d be a bachelor while she was gone. I always took this “batching it” to mean I could go to clubs and meet other women if I so chose. And if I got lucky, well, I was just batching it. I mentioned this to a buddy of mine who was shocked and thinks I’ve assumed too much about what my wife would allow. Now I wonder if I should ask her just what is allowed. We’ve never really discussed it.
POLL: This man's interpretation of his wife's statement ("You'll be a bachelor while I'm away for the weekend") is perfectly fair.
 
97% (2786) Ummmm... Nice try. But no.
 
2% (69) Sure!
2855 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
abb3w
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Jan 2008
...you IDIOT!!! (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 08, 2011 - 01:07 AM (#58831)

However inept you may be at them, doing your own cooking, laundry, household cleaning, and (ah) self-service are reasonably encompassed in "batching it"; and any amount of pick-up she has to do when returning for the associated aftermath of such times to restore the livability of the household to marital standards seem within the implicit scope of the bargain.

Pick-ups and being encompassed by others, during those times is not within the implicit scope of the bargain.

You might try to keep it a secret, and get away with it for a while, but you've already mentioned it to a buddy. "Loose lips sink ships" is a warning older than you; you've slim hope and no safety on that front. Jobs involving work out-of-town seldom employ morons. If word gets back from other ways, I would expect you are doomed, doooomed, doooooomed. If you're fine burning the bridge... eh, what the heck. Give the next three pickups an extra pair of kisses from me and your missus.

You do have what appears a semi-safe out: play^H^H^H^H plead dumb, indicate that found a clue your behavior might not be kosher, and abase yourself in hopes of clarification and forgiveness. Emphasize that you are not comfortable even verging on straying given the prospect of her disapproval. If you can find a way to suggest (and, as pre-requirement, accept) that a spice sauce for the gander is acceptable spice sauce for the goose, you're more diplomat than I aspire to, but might even continue the antics with explicit sanction.

That said, you might want to consult beforehand with the best divorce attorney you can find (say, during the next trip out of town) to find out just how much trouble you could be in already. If a cynic and a talented actor, you might also make a list of incompetent divorce attorneys to offer her as a (bogus, chancy) final gesture of "repentance" as she is about to storm out.

Note, I'm male; you might want a female opinion from hereabouts before trying any of these tactics. If your trying any of this advice results in your murder, I'll send flowers... dandelions, and only if Brad posts your snail mail address.

Oh, and don't forget to clear your damn browser cache.


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preaction
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 08, 2011 - 01:56 AM (#58833)

By saying "We've never really discussed it" you are saying:

1) You've never explicitly spoken about the openness of your sexual relationship.

2) There has never been any discussions about jealousy from either partner during your entire relationship

3) There has never been any hinting of jealousy from either partner during your entire relationship

4) You've never made a joke about having multiple partners and been called inappropriate.

5) You are 100% confident that your wife is 100% confident in your relationship

You are either the most well-adjusted couple on the face of the planet, or you're just another clueless married person. If the latter, you better wise up fast.


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bucketsgirl
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Posts: 10

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Mar 2011
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 08, 2011 - 07:05 AM (#58834)

I'm actually having a bit of trouble believing this is real... I cannot imagine a person having a significant other say "you'll be a bachelor while I'm gone" and thinking they meant it was OK to have sex with other people.

Odds are, what she meant was that it would be like you were a bachelor again - self reliant, can stay up late watching sports/telly or playing games, can let the house get dirty, can order pizza a dozen times and just stack up the boxes in the kitchen, etc. Bachelor living, not bachelor sex life. Odds are, you need to have a serious conversation with your wife and beg forgiveness about your wildly inappropriate behavior.

Of course... she is your wife, you know her better than a bunch of people on the Internet do. There's a tiny chance she DID mean it was ok to have sex with other people, and obviously we've never met her and don't know if that is the sort of thing she would do. You still need to have a talk with her to verify and sort this situation out, but there's a small chance you didn't screw up horribly.

Just curious... how would you feel if you found out she had been having sex with other people when she was out of town, or when you were gone?


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Azerik
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Posts: 35

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 08, 2011 - 11:02 AM (#58838)

My instinct:

Beer with the guys, Yes.
TV dinners and mostly not cleaning up, Yes.
Watching sports all weekend in your underwear, Yes.

Flirting a bit while having a beer with the guys, Iffy...

Scoring with another woman, No and a half!

If you are looking for this sort of thing, then some re-evaluation of your relationship might be in order and definitely some serious communication work with your wife.


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CrownedSun
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Posts: 3

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 08, 2011 - 11:53 AM (#58840)

Keep in mind, even if you are reading her correctly and you have permission to fool around while she's on business trips...

...if that's the case, what do you think she's doing and are you comfortable with that?

Mind you, the much more likely answer is that you're just being an idiot.


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Lucard79
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Posts: 5

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Mar 2011
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 08, 2011 - 01:46 PM (#58843)
In Response to CrownedSun (#58840):

Dude...

Nice try.

There's no way a woman would be okay with that. If she said she was OK, she would be lying, or deluding herself and later she would feel deadly jealous (deadly for you, that is)


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vorlonagent
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Posts: 55

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Oct 2009
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 08, 2011 - 02:39 PM (#58845)

If this IS a legit question, the questioner is an asshole whose wife by definition deserves better.

If he is extremely lucky, he can morph into that "better" before this hits the fan.


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NunyaBidness
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Posts: 83

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, April 09, 2011 - 09:14 AM (#58849)
In Response to Lucard79 (#58843):

There are, in fact, some women okay with that.

However, unless it was specifically discussed, the odds are very much that this is not such a case.

OP's best bet is to inquire as a joke. "So, how far does batching go? Drunken football game with the guys? Not wearing clothes all weekend? Going to Hooters until it closes? What about a strip bar with Dave? And should I clean up if the orgy's held here?"

Stop when it's clear the limit's been reached, and joke, "So an orgy is out of the question?"

And never speak of it again.

Yeah, he's an idiot.


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Kaibutsu
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Apr 2011
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Monday, April 11, 2011 - 09:39 AM (#58853)

Johnny Taylor said it first... and best: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S7Mk8g97t4 "Who's making love to your old lady while you are out making love...?" Better check to make sure she isn't 'playing bachelorette' on her work weekends.
Who knows? She could be fully cool with him getting some but without asking he'll never know until it's too late.
COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY.


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KingPain
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Posts: 3

Registered:
Apr 2011
Seriously? (Score: 0)
posted Monday, April 11, 2011 - 11:22 AM (#58854)

You, my good man, are a... I'm not allowed to post what I think... There is an infintessimally small chance that that is what she meant. You can't be that dense. Let her know so that she can find a real man.


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lwj2
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Posts: 33

Registered:
Feb 2008
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, April 12, 2011 - 07:10 AM (#58858)

You're an idiot.

Man up, buy a decent life insurance policy and go play in traffic.


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Gadfly
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Posts: 10

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Feb 2008
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, April 13, 2011 - 12:08 AM (#58861)

The lyrics of the song are:
"After you go, I can catch up on my reading
And after you go, I'll have a lot more time for sleeping
And when you're gone
Looks like things are gonna get a lot easier
Life will be a breeze, you know . . . .

After you go, I'll have a lot more room in my closet
After you go, I'll stay out all night if I feel like it
And when you're gone
I can run through the house screaming
And no one will ever hear me
I really should be glad
but I'm Bluer than blue. . . ."

Nothing about, "After you go, I'll have sex with someone el-lse" or even,
"After you go, I'll go clubbing and look at gir-ls."

On a related topic, my wife and I never understand why people if at all possible just don't go on business trips with their spouses. On the rare occasions she has to travel for work, she always just requests permission to bring me along.


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NunyaBidness
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Posts: 83

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Monday, April 18, 2011 - 05:23 AM (#58890)
In Response to Gadfly (#58861):

On a related topic, my wife and I never understand why people if at all possible just don't go on business trips with their spouses. On the rare occasions she has to travel for work, she always just requests permission to bring me along.

What if your job doesn't allow the vacation time? Or the spouse's employer doesn't allow it? Or you don't have the money for it?

Boy, it sure would be convenient, but in reality...

And then there's that whole "not having to listen to them complain" thing.

Or maybe they don't complain, but enjoy things too much.

Either way, a little alone time is good. And yes, "alone."


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SuperZero
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Posts: 1

Registered:
May 2011
Re: Bachelor partying (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 06, 2011 - 01:14 PM (#59084)

Y'know, if I was with somebody who told me that, and I actually did think it meant that...

I wouldn't be happy that I had permission to cheat, I'd be upset that our relationship obviously meant so little that he'd think I'd want that permission.


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Discussion: POLL: Bachelor partying | Login/Create an Account | 14 comments
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