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POLL RESULTS: Sighs Matters: (15 comments)

POLL: Sighs Matters

Friday, May 27, 2011 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q.: My wife and I have been married for more than 15 years. We get along very well together. But the problem is I still get very nervous about having sex. Back in high school I used to get teased in the lockerroom about having a small sex organ. I am still strongly affected by this. My wife thinks I must be normal or close to it and insisted she enjoys making love, but I'm the only man she's been with. It still looks small to me. It seems like if this was an irrational fear, it would have just gone away by now.
POLL: Does size matter?
 
39% (643) I'm a man, and I say no!
 
13% (222) I'm a man, and I say yes!
 
8% (134) I'm a woman, and I say no!
 
1% (30) I'm a woman, and I say yes!
 
36% (595) It depends
1624 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Amanda
Lover

Posts: 30

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 12:27 AM (#59230)

Irrational fears don't follow rational rules like going away when they're irrational. So that's not a reason to think that you must have a small sex organ. Your wife enjoys sex with you and has enjoyed sex with you for more than 15 years. It doesn't matter what size you are as long as you can please her with what you have. I was with a guy with a very large penis and he was terrible in bed and my husband now is incredible with an average size. If it really affects you this much to think your penis might be small, you should see a counselor to work through your anxieties. It couldn't hurt.


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Stranger527
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
May 2011
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 01:08 AM (#59231)

Alright, here are some important details. 1) Penis sizes - 4 to 6 inches is average - This is a medical fact. 2) Being a good lover isn't about the size of your dick. It's about how well you connect with your partner.

It sounds like your wife of *15 years* is quite pleased with you. However, if you feel like you want to improve to compensate for your phobias, then I suggest some couples oriented instructional porn and lots of practice. It'll be the best learning you have ever done.

Now stop fretting and go put a smile on your woman's face.


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sukobiru
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 01:48 AM (#59232)

I used to worry about this, and I think there are a lot of men out there that do. And no matter how many times I would tell myself or I would hear/read about a man's average as a way to reassure everyone that we are all just neurotic for no good reason, it never sunk in.

Then I realized that I spent a lot of time worrying over something that I couldn't change. More importantly it was something that didn't really matter when it came to taking care of my partner. I focused all of that energy on really taking care of her, through helping around the house and focusing on her needs, and THAT was the magic that made the mojo happen in the bedroom. The most important sexual organ is the brain, and you have to love a woman to love a woman.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 02:08 AM (#59233)

It's irrational, but there are ways of dealing with it. Consider:

* No matter what size you are, you're satisfying your wife. If you don't intend to try any other partners, and she doesn't intend to try any other partners, what's to worry about?

* Your size isn't going to change. IF you can't do anything about it, what's the use in worrying about it?

* No matter how big you are, there's always going to be some other guy bigger than you are. So what? I'm not small, but I'm not huge, either. Before we ever met my wife had gone to bed with a guy who had ten inches. He was a big prick in every sense of the word -- arrogant, inconsiderate, clumsy, painful, and proud of getting off when she wasn't even close to enjoying it. Need I add that there was no second time?

You have a good, appreciative wife. Keep satisfying her, and neither of you will have anything to worry about.


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Nylter
Lover

Posts: 7

Registered:
Jul 2009
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 05:09 AM (#59234)

Please don't assume that bigger is better. I prefer a penis that doesn't impact my cervix so hard that it causes pain. Anything over about 7 inches makes me cringe, and the guy had better know how to be moderate with his strokes, or we're not having sex. Girth is better than length, though. Anyway, if your wife is happy, then get to a therapist and take care of the childhood torment that's keeping you trapped in the past.


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Guairdean
Lover

Posts: 20

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 09:52 AM (#59236)

It's like any tool (I know bad analogy), learn to use it properly and everything will be fine.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 09:57 AM (#59237)

Size obviously matters or you wouldn't be writing this query. The problem is that your size matters more to you than it bothers or concerns anyone else including your wife.

After being married for 15 years if all you have to worry about is that you don't have a massive Ron Jeremy dong, then I'd say you've got things pretty easy in life. Some of the rest of us have real concerns about jobs, the economy, the direction of the world, etc..

I'd personally place having a micro penis as pretty far down on the list of issues. Asian men in many nations have been dealing with this stereotype for ages without having any problem finding or satisfying women. If you wife is sticking by your side, then you must be doing right by her.


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eoraptor
Lover

Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 04:14 PM (#59238)

"It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean."

"It's not how big your sword is, as long as it fits the sheath and you can wield it on the field of honour."

---

In other words, size matters, but not so much as you think.

That's the funny thing about irrational worries. They are, by definition, not rational. Just because your rational mind tells you that there is no knife wielding psychopath hiding in the closet waiting to wear your skin like sweet sweet leather, you still get out of bed to check it, right?

Same is true of this. Especially when things happen during adolescence, they tend to get imprinted deeply. It's why we go after child molesters so vehemently.

If this is bothering you enough to impact the way in which you enjoy sexual intercourse with your wife, it may be time to consider that it ~is~ a problem, not physically, but mentally. My advice: seek out a good therapist (no that is not codeword for a pro) and learn to work past your body-image issues. Obviously you can't convince yourself of it after all this time, nor can your wife assuage things, so you should seek input from a disinterested third party.


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ThatJeff
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Sep 2008
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 08:11 PM (#59239)

Want to be really mean and say something like, "Don't worry about it man, having a penis only twelve inches long is perfectly normal" but I expect the humour wouldn't translate well in print. :)


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Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 09:00 PM (#59241)
In Response to Amanda (#59230):

Yep, that's the long and short of it. If your wife's happy, if she doesn't complain, does it matter? If you were 3' tall and your wife loved you at that height, would you have to get painful thigh extension surgery to gain height? It sounds to me like your wife is happy, but it's your irrational fear. You might want to talk to a shrink to help you deal with it. Your wife's dealing just fine.
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DanialArin
Lover

Posts: 92

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 27, 2011 - 10:23 PM (#59242)

The long and short of the matter is, guys measure in centimeters and claim it's inches. Someone who'll mock you for the size of yours is doing it so no one looks at his. Also, locker room size is at full shrinkage, and is no indicator of size at full extension.

And don't go by the sex toys, they're sized toward the extreme upper bound and then have extra length added to serve as a handle. Even more so if they're double-headed, since they have to cover the gaps between the two people sharing them.

Last and not least, remember, it's not how big it is, it's how you use it. You can smack someone around pretty good with an uncut salami, but forget about picking the lock on a chastity belt.

(Also, those "supplements" they advertise to "make a man larger"? From what I've heard, all they do is keep you from retracting completely. They have no effect on extended size.)


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dromeciomimus
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
May 2011
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, May 28, 2011 - 01:18 AM (#59244)

1. Locker room size is often quite different from size while on active duty. Also, bullies aren't usually good objective judges.
2. Her satisfaction with the one she's stayed with matters more than her ability to rank your size against a statistically significant sampling.
3. If body image issues were that easy to overcome, there'd be a lot of advertising execs out of a job. Both your fear and the inability to rationalize it away are normal. If you need help to overcome that fear, than get it. The only shame would be letting some high school bullies come between you and your wife.


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threadmangler
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
May 2011
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, May 28, 2011 - 12:05 PM (#59246)

Men often have distorted size perception of their junk because they see it from a different angle than any other, whether in the locker room or in porn. On someone else, your brain enlarges the other penises to compensate for distance, but it's more difficult to do with something attached to you. Foreshortening is terrible for the male ego.

Bottom line, if it's good enough for your wife, don't worry about it. If it bugs you that much, seek counseling.


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Mental_Mouse
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, May 28, 2011 - 11:48 PM (#59249)

Dude, your wife is happy and has been for 15 years. Your problem isn't size, it's insecurity. Accordingly, get thee to a therapist!

You can go for a sex therapist if you want, but in this case, I suspect practically any head-shrinker will do.


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LonesomeLoser
Lover

Posts: 25

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: Sighs Matters (Score: 0)
posted Monday, May 30, 2011 - 06:33 AM (#59255)

I am a man and I say no.
Unless you suffer from an actual condition, which IIRC is called micro-penis, you are good
So, OP, you think a lot about cock? You define yourself, not by what you know, by association or by your experiences but by the length of your johnson? Sounds like you are a bit shallow.
The average erect length is 4.5-5 inches. I believe the SD is 0.5 inches beyond that.
Don't believe the stories told by men in erotica.
Also, if your wife is happy, can you not take solace in the fact that who you are makes the person in your life happy?


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