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POLL RESULTS: I'm with the band. (But who's the band with?): (6 comments)

POLL: I'm with the band. (But who's the band with?)

Friday, June 10, 2011 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: I’ve been seeing this guy for a while and am wondering if I should give up on him. The thing is I really like him but he refuses to settle down and I am so ready. I know he cares about me but he’s always out doing his thing. It’s hard for me to know what he’s up to because he plays drums in a band, so he’s always off in some club. I try to go sometimes to watch him play, instead of listening to the music, I find myself watching the other girls in the club and trying to figure which one is his type than me. I know it’s crazy but I can’t stop myself.
POLL: What should she do?
7% (103) Trust your instincts. If you think he's got a wandering eye, chances are he's wandering.
23% (327) Grow up and get a little self-esteem.
67% (938) It's not about self-esteem or wandering eyes. It's about settling down -- which is something that *he* isn't about.
1% (27) Be patient. He'll come around.
1395 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)

Posts: 9

Oct 2010
Re: I'm with the band. (But who's the band with?) (Score: 0)
posted Friday, June 10, 2011 - 02:10 AM (#59362)

What is it about drummers? Honestly your description fits just about every drummer I have ever known in my life, and most I've heard about. Then again, I've been trying to pick up drums since losing motor skills in my left hand (more or less needed for Bass lest I start playing lefty...)

Okay, weird coincidences aside you most likely need to corner the boy and force him to talk about things. What settling down entails (you can be settled and stay part of the band. It takes some juggling sometimes, and can be stressful, but if it isn't the band it's something else, so why not let it be the band?)

You also need to think about yourself a bit. Why do you wonder if some other girl is more his type? has he displayed a wandering eye? Is there something in your past that makes you insecure in this area (as a man with long term issues, I have a lot of this one myself)?

In the end it comes down to what you want and how far you are willing to do/put up with/wait/etc... to get it. Remember, all relationships involve yourself and someone else, and you'll have a hard time ditching yourself at the bar. Believe me, I tried the fake emergency phone call and everything, but never once fell for it.

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Posts: 58

Nov 2009
Re: I'm with the band. (But who's the band with?) (Score: 0)
posted Friday, June 10, 2011 - 09:43 AM (#59364)

So there is this guy you're ready to settle down with, but you don't know what kind of girls he likes; you don't know whether he's faithful to you; you assume, but don't know, he's not ready to settle down. What do you know, his hair color?
Girl you don't know diddlely and you want to settle! There is no good advise for you.

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Posts: 55

Oct 2009
Re: I'm with the band. (But who's the band with?) (Score: 0)
posted Friday, June 10, 2011 - 03:33 PM (#59366)
In Response to CaptainSmokeblower (#59364):

Except maybe finding these things out.

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Posts: 37

Apr 2011
Re: I'm with the band. (But who's the band with?) (Score: 0)
posted Friday, June 10, 2011 - 09:29 PM (#59369)

Okay. You're insecure for one thing. If you claim to know this guy enough to even consider more than casual dating, and have been seeing him for a while... then you should already have a good idea whether or not he's doing more with the groupies than smiling at them.

You're also ignorant. If the guy is not ready to settle down, as indicated by the very fact that he has chosen to be in a position requiring travel and socializing (IE, a band) then nothing you say or do is going to MAKE him want to settle down. He's either there or he's not. Do both yourselves a favour and break it off.

And stop using banal mean-nothing terms like "Settle down" and say what the hell you really want, a steady exclusive boyfriend, a husband, a family, an organ donor, what... It sounds less like you know what you want and more like you are just doing what the a romance novel or romantic comedy say you should want.

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Posts: 2

Jun 2011
Re: I'm with the band. (But who's the band with?) (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, June 12, 2011 - 06:47 PM (#59377)

if you can't trust a guy then you shouldn't be with him, but if you can trust him then it shouldn't matter WHERE he hangs out with his friends.

I've got tons of friends that are musicians and in committed relationships. Either he can be trusted or he can't but it has nothing to do with whether he's in a band.

If you want this thing to last he has to have some space to do what he loves.

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Posts: 25

Mar 2011
Re: I'm with the band. (But who's the band with?) (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, June 16, 2011 - 08:17 AM (#59423)

His last name is not Ricardo, is it? (Hey Lucy!)

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