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POLL RESULTS: Twenty-nine. Again.: (8 comments)

POLL: Twenty-nine. Again.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... I just recently started dating a new guy. We get along great, but I caught him in a lie about his age. I'm OK with the age difference, but it bothers me that he'd lie about it. Should I bring it up with him?
POLL: Should she tell her boyfriend that she's bothered by his lying
12% (91) Nah... it's not that big of a deal.
87% (660) Sure. If it bugs you, talk to him about it.
751 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)

Posts: 37

Apr 2011
Re: Twenty-nine. Again. (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, June 15, 2011 - 03:17 AM (#59396)

Well, this is pretty vague... who was he lying to? are we talking a year, two years, a decade? fake ID's, what?

Honestly, this seems fairly unimportant unless it's some major exaggeration. He was probably just a little insecure and fudged a number. deal, and move on. Age really is a number in most cases.

After all, you're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

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Posts: 26

Jan 2011
Re: Twenty-nine. Again. (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, June 15, 2011 - 06:42 AM (#59397)
In Response to eoraptor (#59396):

A lot of people lie about their age, mostly females because we don't want to admit that age is creeping up on is.

Lying about his age isn't anything large and isn't something to get upset over, to be honest. If it does bother you that much, a small conversation of wanting him to trust you might cover the base with him. Just remember one little discrepancy over how many birthdays he's had doesn't mean he's going to have a pattern of lying.

Then again, it may also concern him that you take notice of something small (to him) and let it upset you so easily.

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Posts: 55

Oct 2009
Re: Twenty-nine. Again. (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, June 15, 2011 - 12:42 PM (#59403)

If you like the guy it isn't worth a confrontation. If you want to help the relationship along, simply say "I know you're older...and I don't care."

...unless you do.

But it sets the proper tone for the discussion.

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Posts: 25

Mar 2011
Re: Twenty-nine. Again. (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, June 16, 2011 - 08:24 AM (#59424)

What's the issue? Are you worried you will be seen as a cougar? Don't be - it is hip to be a woman and robbing the cradle
Are you actually younger and he is a dirty old man?
This may be an issue unless he is rich. Society frowns on much older man, younger woman unless a lot of money is involved, in which case she is a gold digger and he gets high fives

Seriously? If lies start before any commitment, you know you are starting on shakier (not necessarily actually shaky) ground
A friend of mine's fiancee lied about many things to him and, when he caught her up on it, he just let it go. Despite all his friends saying "um, WHAT?!?"
Now he is married, they have a kid, she has stolen his tax return, called the police on him saying he beat her (he did not) among other things

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Posts: 17

Sep 2008
Re: Twenty-nine. Again. (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, June 16, 2011 - 12:05 PM (#59425)

Sure, confront him about it; last thing you need is someone who's willing to lie about the least little thing. By the way, exactly how much do you weigh?

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Posts: 5

Feb 2011
Re: Twenty-nine. Again. (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, June 16, 2011 - 01:09 PM (#59426)

I'm curious to know just how big the age difference is - five years doesn't seem enough of a gap for a guy to lie about it so I'm assuming it's more. It depends on why he lied to begin with - and that's what I would start with. In my experience though, guys who lie about little things like that because they're worried it would bother you...also lie about other things they think would bother you. The lie is the problem - not his age, so that's what I would make clear if you approach it.

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Posts: 36

Mar 2010
Re: Twenty-nine. Again. (Score: 0)
posted Friday, June 17, 2011 - 09:17 AM (#59435)

Little Crow has it right, the lie is the problem, not the subject of the lie, and someone who would lie about that is likely to lie about other little things. For some people, this is perfectly acceptable, as they feel little lies help grease the relationship ("Do I look fat in this"). For others like myself, any lie is unacceptable no matter how small, and destroys trust little by little - and trust and respect are the two primary cornerstones of any relationship.

Something else to consider - did you know this guy before you started dating? If so, did he lie to you before or after you started dating? Some folks consider it ok to lie to friends or acquaintances about little stuff, even if they won't like to a person they are in a relationship with.

Regardless, talk to him about it, let him know you're bothered by the lie, and let him know if you'd also be bothered by *any* lie no matter how little. Keep in mind that lying and telling the truth can be compulsory things for people, kind of like smoking. It can be a difficult thing to stop lying if you're already used to doing so, just as hard as it is for a truthful person to attempt to lie. Cut him a little moral slack at first as he gets used to not lying to you, but don't let him get away with it either.

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Posts: 58

Nov 2009
Re: Twenty-nine. Again. (Score: 1)
posted Sunday, June 19, 2011 - 09:21 AM (#59444)

You're OK with age differences? Completely? How does 70/30 sound?
The formula:
Minimum_date_age = (my_age/2)+7
is very liberal (assuming the results are >20).
If he's 35 and claiming 29 or 45 claiming 39 he may just want to fool himself, but wider age difference lies, e.g. 45 claiming 29, suggest he's trying to fool you, which is not just wrong it might be dangerous.

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