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POLL RESULTS: Faking it: (13 comments)

POLL: Faking it

Friday, July 01, 2011 - 12:00 AM


>A reader writes... Q.: I know this is going to sound really weird but I never have an orgasm during oral sex. I fake it so my partner doesn’t know, but I know that’s not getting me anywhere. Other than that, though, my boyfriend and I have a great sex life.
POLL: Should she tell her boyfriend that she's been faking it?
 
14% (236) I'm a man, and I say no!
 
74% (1208) I'm a man, and I say yes!
 
2% (46) I'm a woman, and I say no!
 
7% (125) I'm a woman, and I say yes!
1615 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
SingingHawk
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Jan 2010
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Friday, July 01, 2011 - 01:39 AM (#59527)

Not only do you tell him, you tell him how to do it better.
If not he will continue to disappoint you. He wants to please you, so let him. Try new techniques. Learn from each other. Stop having sex and start making love.


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abb3w
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Friday, July 01, 2011 - 01:46 AM (#59528)

It can be a slight annoyance for the gent to realize more effort than a bit of tongue-wagging is needed.

Still, if you're not merely coddling an overly fragile ego, you should probably let him know. Or, more diplomatically, you should let him know the extent of your enjoyment as well as its limits. If it's something he deeply enjoys, and it's not onerous to you, presumably you'll continue letting him have his fun. If it's mainly your reaction he enjoys, perhaps you two will find other ways to spend the time that yield more genuine mutual enjoyment. If you don't particularly enjoy it, you probably should make suggestions.


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Amanda
Lover

Posts: 30

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Friday, July 01, 2011 - 02:21 AM (#59529)

Not everyone gets off the same way. If you like oral sex, try not faking it for a bit and see if him going longer helps or just enjoy the foreplay and have sex after to get off. If you don't like oral sex at all, tell him you just want to have sex and not even bother with oral on you at all. It could also be an insertion issue so have him finger you or insert a toy while he is giving you oral and see if that helps.


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TenTonGun
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Friday, July 01, 2011 - 05:26 AM (#59530)

Sex should never be awkward between partners. If you can't be yourself during times of intimacy, then there's no point to the relationship.

Tell him that you're not into receiving oral sex, but you'll have to make it up to him for lying about the orgasm.


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wolfrun65
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Jul 2011
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Friday, July 01, 2011 - 01:21 PM (#59535)

While you don't need to tell him you are faking it, if you can't be up front about your sex with your partner you have to ask why you are faking it.
Tell him what you like or don't like...most guys, imo, would rather hear the truth & change up the play selection than to keep serving up things that just are not working.


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Stevarooni
Lover

From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Friday, July 01, 2011 - 07:59 PM (#59540)
In Response to SingingHawk (#59527):

And apologize for faking it. Sure, it's done to make the partner feel better, but how's he going to feel now? :P


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eoraptor
Lover

Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Friday, July 01, 2011 - 08:43 PM (#59541)

Yes. You tell him. there's nothing men dislike more than to know you've been putting on airs in the bedroom. He'd rather know he needs to change his game than labour under a delusion.

Now, as to why you're not enjoying it? could be a number of reasons.
a.) he's not very good at it. As someone else said, wiggling your tongue on the pearl isn't enough. Instruct him. the alphabet trick usually works well. so does stimulating other parts of the anatomy with a finger, you and he should experiment.
b.) you have an issue with that kind of stimulation. you may not even be aware of it, but psychological issues affect women deeply during sex. if you cut a man in half, he can still function sexually (assuming a freaky world where a man can survive being cut in half) but even a whole woman may still be frigid due to psychological block.
c.) you're physically wired different... as the old saying goes, different strokes for different folks. If cunnilingus doesn't do it for you, find a different sexual interaction.

but most importantly, sex is not the place where you should "fake it to make it," and it will lead to resentment. Remember, sex is an important aspect of your relationship, lying doesn't help it to be better.


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BlueD
Lover

Posts: 24

Registered:
May 2009
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Friday, July 01, 2011 - 10:07 PM (#59542)

My first impulse was to vote "dont tell"
Mainly because you already started, and have held him in a misapprehension for quite a while.
But also because alot of guys tend never to trust an orgasm of their woman again, once they found out she faked it before.
It is a breach of trust that cuts oh so deep into the fragile male psyche.

But going on like this?

No, definitely not.

Where it me, I would love to have pointers and lessons. I`d love to be shown, without beeing told.

He will find out that a true orgasm with your tights clamped violently around his ears, an his tongue pinching, his neck creaking, is a different thing than before. He will be happy to have done it at last, and not ask about before.
As I said, was it me....

There habe been good posts before, and I am bound to ask - has any man got you off orally until now?
Have there even been other guys than him?
Getting yourself off is as well learning process, as it is for him to get you off.


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pnutbutter33
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Jul 2011
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, July 02, 2011 - 01:33 AM (#59543)

I'm much the same...I don't get off when my hubby goes down. He enjoys doing it, but after a while...nothing happens for me. It ends up just tickling and I get annoyed.
So...because he enjoys it, I let him do his thing and it's part of fore-play. An orgasm isn't really necessary to enjoy an act. It can be a prelude to more, or just something that he enjoys doing while you're watching tv or whatever.
Whatever it may be, he should know. Faking is never good for a relationship. Maybe give him a few pointers, or move it to fore-play. Just talk about it with him. I'm sure you'll come up with a solution that works for the both of you.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Faking it (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, July 02, 2011 - 02:45 AM (#59544)

If you're worried about his reaction if you come right out and tell him, you can always try a little bit of diplomatic misdirection. Taper off the fake climaxes and then tell him: "Honey, lately I haven't been having orgasms when you do that. I don't think anything's wrong, I don't think it's significant, and I'm not complaining ... maybe my preferences have changed, that's all. Keep doing it if you enjoy it, but I'd much rather that we cut to the chase and concentrate on what I really enjoy and what you're really really good at."


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LonesomeLoser
Lover

Posts: 25

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Monday, July 04, 2011 - 02:45 AM (#59550)

I would say tell him and assist him in finding the way

But you are a woman and this is something that you can hold over him for sometime when you are losing an argument and you really want to destroy his self-esteem (and thus win the argument as you crush his spirit)


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Faking it (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, July 05, 2011 - 01:08 AM (#59556)

But you are a woman and this is something that you can hold over him for sometime when you are losing an argument and you really want to destroy his self-esteem (and thus win the argument as you crush his spirit)

For some strange reason I get the distinct impression that this is more than just a hypothetical situation ...

(Yeah, I've been through a divorce and I know where you're coming from.)


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LonesomeLoser
Lover

Posts: 25

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: Faking it (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, July 13, 2011 - 11:22 AM (#59614)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#59556):

Ha! Surprisingly no, just a very astute knowledge of human nature

(Sorry about your divorce and the hideously unfair settlement)


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Discussion: POLL: Faking it | Login/Create an Account | 13 comments
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