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POLL RESULTS: What happens in Vegas...: (24 comments)

POLL: What happens in Vegas...

Friday, August 12, 2011 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes... Q: My girlfriend went to Las Vegas with some of her friends. Since she got home, they've kept making oblique references to things that happened over that weekend, and then they'll say, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." When I ask for more information, my girlfriend turns beet red, and insists that nothing really happened. You do I convince her to break the Vegas Code?
POLL: How does he get his girlfriend to break the Vegas Code?
 
8% (157) He doesn't. The Code will not be broken
 
51% (945) Tell her that your relationship (and the trust you've built) is more important than some T-shirt slogan.
 
19% (363) Give it some time. She'll come clean.
 
5% (100) Leave her. She was obviously fooling around.
 
14% (270) Book a flight to Vegas. Because what happens in Vegas...
1835 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Raymond
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Posts: 3

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 12:35 AM (#59789)

I suggest just leaving it alone. Let her enjoy the memory of whatever it was and don't let it be a needless wedge. The slogan is perhaps a bit trite, but I'd say in this case that it's good advice. The oblique references will taper off soon enough. If you're simply curious, then ask, but only ask if it's not going to make a difference in your relationship with her because it really shouldn't change anything.


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Murgatroyd
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Posts: 300

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Jan 2008
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 01:55 AM (#59790)

If you're simply curious, then ask, but only ask if it's not going to make a difference in your relationship with her because it really shouldn't change anything.

Yeah, nothing's changed. She was a slut before she went to Vegas and cheated on him, and she's still a slut now. ;^)

(Harsh? Moi?! Does anyone really think she didn't screw around?)


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drblzk
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Aug 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 03:11 AM (#59791)

She most likely just did something really embarrassing is vegas, otherwise her girlfriends wouldn't be teasing her in front of you.

Let it go, let them have their fun. And give a sweet kiss every time she turns red.


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DavidArgall
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Posts: 42

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 03:28 AM (#59792)

The meaning of the saying is that the action[s]are essentially meaningless. You might get raging mad [or laugh your head off] when and if you find out, but the claim is that whatever doesn't tell you a thing about what she will do back home. That may be a little optimistic, but you do have some witnesses who are telling you she won't do "that" away from Vegas.


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dpm
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Posts: 3

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Aug 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 05:56 AM (#59793)

Whether or not he _should_ try to find out more depends on how *she* would react to *him* coming back from Vegas and refusing to tell her what he did. Fair's fair.


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Coanunn
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Posts: 11

Registered:
Feb 2010
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 08:59 AM (#59794)

Seriously, apart from the first comment and the one about kissing her each time it comes up, are the rest of you even adults?

This is an issue that comes down to trust and mutual respect. Either let it go as innocent or explain that a relationship is about trust and you are just curious.

What's more important is why are you worried about it? Do you have any reason to suspect cheating outside these t-shirt slogans? If not then letting her have a memory or two to herself won't harm your relationship and will in fact help her feel she has room in the relationship to breath.


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BlueD
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Posts: 24

Registered:
May 2009
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 10:21 AM (#59795)

Yes, Murgatroyd, I dont think so.

I think she might have ripped the bananahammock off a stripper, or shown her boobs to a partycrowd, but that is probably it.

Else, there would not be jokes about it in front of her guy. Girls know when to shut it, mostly.

OP:
Dont worry.
Trust her.
And if you can`t do that, confess to her how it irks you and that you cannot let it rest.
Show the weakness, she will much more likely find that endearing, than if you make a scene and state demands.


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rhahael
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Posts: 20

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 11:21 AM (#59796)

"Seriously, apart from the first comment and the one about kissing her each time it comes up, are the rest of you even adults?"

Seriously, are you this naive?
Woman LOVE to speak endlessly about the great things they did on holidays, travels, etc... if she's teasing with secrets around it IS a naughty secret.
And I Do bet my right hand that if he goes to Vegas and do the same "I'm not teling you, what happens in vegas..." she will freak out, demand and threat to discover, mostly because out of projection than curiosity.


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eoraptor
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Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 11:57 AM (#59797)

So, she and her friends either are completely vapid and don't know when a joke has worn thin... Or she's done something that she knows is salacious and forbidden; and has the worst self control known to human kind in not being able to shut up about it, likewise the people she associates with seem to lack it as well.

Simple, either tell her that you no longer trust her based on the things that she and her companeras are saying.

Or leave; because in either event, this does not sound like the kind of person who is adult enough to be in a serious relationship. As the poll response states, she is confusing life lessons with kitsch marketing.


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a_nub
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Posts: 1

Registered:
Aug 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 12:42 PM (#59798)

If she's willing to keep something so theoretically "minor" a secret, then god forbid something "major" happens. Just leave her, 100000000000 women out there and this isn't worth the headache.


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hightechartist
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Posts: 9

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 03:44 PM (#59800)
In Response to a_nub (#59798):

I'd just like to say that she has shitty friends.

Seriously, if you really want to maintain the "what stays in Vegas" motto, then don't constantly advertise that you are keeping a secret.


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CaptainSmokeblower
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Posts: 58

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Nov 2009
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 05:02 PM (#59801)

I keep forgetting this is a nation of people who believe advertising. "Blonds have more fun," hair color changes neither make you a more interesting person, nor of looser morals. "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," is not license to behave either in a manner outside your comfort level, or in violation of your commitment to a relationship.
To answer the question of how to get her to break the code, buy air fare to Vegas for yourself. Show her the tickets and remind her that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but offer to cancel your trip if she spills. If she doesn't come clean before you leave go on the trip, but without telling her change the reservations to another town. Go on the trip. Save all your receipts showing where and what you did. Come home with a BIG shi*-eating grin on your face. If she JUST HAS to know what you did agree to trade information, but she spills first. If she claims she doesn't want to know, but is angry then she thinks you did as bad as she did. In either case show her the receipts. You're innocent.
BUT, before you do anything, even the stuff I mention above, answer this question. What will you do if you learn she hired a male prostitute, or just had wild sex with a stranger?
In any case I hope she gets better friends.


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zmortis
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Posts: 76

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Jun 2009
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 06:18 PM (#59802)

I would have one simple answer to these kinds of antics. "If something happened in Vegas, then why can't you and your friends keep it there? I'm tired of hearing about it. I suggest you quit mentioning it before I get tired of your friends and you."

The whole point of having a "Vegas secret" is to keep it, not to use it as a means to search for the jealousies in a relationship.

My best advice is don't be jealous, and plan your own Vegas trip alone in the future so none of your buddies can spill the beans about anything you may like to do when off the leash.

For myself I try to keep my life an open book to my spouse in terms of my social activities (Vegas trips included). I may not say everything I do, but I also don't do anything I couldn't say to my wife or mother even.


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Stevarooni
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From: KCMO

Posts: 64

Registered:
Jun 2008
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 12, 2011 - 07:51 PM (#59803)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#59790):

It's always possible that they went to a strip club, and her friends did their level best to embarrass her using a (male) stripper. Not as likely, of course, but it's possible.


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bucketsgirl
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Posts: 10

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, August 13, 2011 - 05:20 AM (#59808)

Either you trust her to not cheat, or you don't.

If you don't trust her to not cheat, then you really ought to leave her anyways. You have problems other than "I don't know what she did in Vegas" (mainly, either she's a cheater or you have trust issues - either way, bad for relationship).

If you do trust her not to cheat, why do you need to know exactly what happened on her vacation? If you trust her, just relax and stop making yourself paranoid.

Sometimes girls like to have fun. Sometimes that fun is embarrassing or "naughty" in the public opinion (like women going to a strip club - totally normal for guys, seen as out of the ordinary for women). The fact that she did something embarrassing doesn't mean she has violated the sanctity of your relationship.

And for maturity's sake, do NOT threaten to go to Vegas yourself if she doesn't tell you. Whether or not you intend to go (or intend to go somewhere else to trick her), it's emotional blackmail. To basically make her think you're threatening to cheat if she doesn't tell you every detail of her trip with her friends? If a guy did that kind of immature and controlling stunt with me, he'd be dumped before he could blink.


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swartzer
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Posts: 9

Registered:
Jun 2011
...was probably not as bad as you think. (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, August 13, 2011 - 06:26 AM (#59809)

Most women are very loyal to their friends and wouldn't purposely blow a secret that could ruin a relationship.

Unless her friends are being nasty, the odds are that "what happened in Vegas" was something really embarrassing, but not relationship-destroying.

I don't know how insistent you're being about this, but she could be worried that you'll overreact if she tells you. The harder you push, the less likely you'll ever find out. Your odds are better if you keep it light; maybe even joke about it if you can.

Ultimately, though, you know your girlfriend and her friends a lot better than do we random Internet types who just have four sentences to go on. Don't do anything drastic just on our say-so.


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hansg
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Posts: 2

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, August 14, 2011 - 04:27 AM (#59811)
In Response to dpm (#59793):

It's not a battle. Just forgive her, do as an earlier poster said and give her a kiss when she turns red, your relationship will be stronger for it. And who knows, maybe you will need forgiveness in the years to come...


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spzeidler
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Posts: 35

Registered:
Jan 2010
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Monday, August 15, 2011 - 10:00 AM (#59817)

funny how much commenters here invent about the situation that is definitely not in the text.

Her friends tease her, she turns red. So, not illicit, but very embarrassing.

If you want to know what happened, try to think of embarrassing things that aren't "you are an evil cheater", and tease her with your guesses. Like eg falling asleep in a strip club during the show, going all fangirl over Siegfried&Roys cats (no idea if they still play, but you get the direction), etc pp. Make it humorous. You can both have a good laugh and sooner or later your suggestions are going to be so much more outrageous than what actually happened that she'll simply tell you.


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bombastinator
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Posts: 8

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, August 19, 2011 - 06:00 AM (#59836)

so, your girlfriend's concept of ethics is a corporate advertizing slogan?

I'd be tempted to converse with her using only ad jingles for a while.

here's what we know. One of her friends is passive aggressive, unbelievably immature and either doesn't like her or doesn't like you. This behavior is so childish it may be as simple as her being jealous that you are better looking than her S.O., or she just got out of a relationship and would be amused by ruining someone else's.

Was she taken off and sexually manipulated in some way? highly likely. does she appear to have enjoyed it? Apparently not. Remember you are, or at least should be, more on her side than these women. Your main objective should be making her feel less crappy about what ever her friends talked her into.
It is outside possible that she ran into an old flame or something, but statistically the chances are really really low.


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lwj2
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Posts: 33

Registered:
Feb 2008
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Monday, August 22, 2011 - 08:01 AM (#59847)

It's not what happened — or didn't — in Vegas.

It's what didn't happen at home: The two of you have not defined your relationship. Until that happens, you won't have one.

Start off by growing up.


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Gallows
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Posts: 9

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Aug 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, August 24, 2011 - 04:37 PM (#59876)
In Response to lwj2 (#59847):

There's reading between the lines right there. Guy's girlfriend goes to vegas, something happened that embarasses her, others bring it up and he get's curious. And he has to grow up......yeah, makes total sense there. You know, not everything is the guy's fault despite what cosmo says.

Ignore lwj2's "advice." Let her off this one time, tell her that it doesn't matter what happened, you love her, always will and let it be done with.


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lwj2
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Feb 2008
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, August 25, 2011 - 07:54 AM (#59883)
In Response to Gallows (#59876):

In re.: Gallows' advice/reply:

That would be a part of growing up.

Note that nowhere in here has the original poster stated that he and the lady are in an exclusive relationship. Absent that, he has no grounds for complaint.


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Gallows
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Aug 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, August 25, 2011 - 02:33 PM (#59888)
In Response to lwj2 (#59883):

Except his complaint is more curiosity than "Oh mai Gad! Did she cheated on me? How could this be!" Hell, I'm still curious about things to this day. If I have a woman in my life and her friends keep teasing her, I get curious about what. Part of us being inquisitive beasts. Nothing wrong with that as long as he doesn't act like a raging clod about it.


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LonesomeLoser
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Posts: 25

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Mar 2011
Re: What happens in Vegas... (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, September 04, 2011 - 12:22 AM (#59965)

She cheated on you

Cheating only counts when a man does it. When a woman does it, it is because there is something lacking in the relationship

And it is, by its very nature, his fault

Enjoy your life. She will do it again and again and eventually trade up for a younger guy and divorce you to pay for his college


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