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POLL RESULTS: Blu-Ray Betrayal: (9 comments)

POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal

Friday, September 30, 2011 - 12:00 AM

Take 50% OFF One Item, 3 Free DVD's, Free Shipping & a Free Mystery Gift NOW! Q: As a birthday gift, my boyfriend promised a nice surprise. After taking me out to dinner, we went to his apartment and he casually turned on the TV. There we were in living color going at it. He thought it would turn me on and he was right, but now that my birthday buzz has worn off, I’m weirded out about it. I mean, he taped us having sex without my knowledge. He said it was a one-time thing but I’m not sure I can trust him. And what happens if he made other copies of the DVD? I don’t want to flip out on him because he honestly thought he was being sexy but come on. I might want to run for public office one day and I sure don’t want a sex tape popping up. He says he’d never do that, but am I supposed to go by that?
POLL: What should she do?
 
35% (454) Dump the creep.
 
29% (368) Lighten up.
 
9% (123) Hire an agent.
 
25% (317) Secretly tape *him*
1262 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
DavidArgall
Lover

Posts: 42

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 30, 2011 - 03:00 AM (#60146)

The way things are going, by the time you want to run for office, the tape will be a selling point.

    Even now, it is likely everybody would be assuming you were doing what you were doing and the tape would be pretty much harmless. Now maybe if you like to dress up as Uncle Sam while your boy is wearing a dress, you might might get more than a one-day wonder, but I don't see this as making even the back pages.

    Do note that taping him means there is a much greater chance of a tape ending up in the wrong hands. So if you are taking this seriously, that is a quite risky option.

      Now demanding the tape from him may be wise in any case. If he is not willing, you have grounds for wondering if this is actually the guy for you.


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dpm
Lover

Posts: 3

Registered:
Aug 2011
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 30, 2011 - 06:18 AM (#60148)

Go with your initial reaction: you liked it. From what you've said, you have no concrete reason not to trust him, so take his word for it that there are no copies, ask him to erase/destroy the DVD because you've had second thoughts and it's making you nervous, and let it go as a sincere gesture on his part that didn't quite hit the mark long-term. If any solid evidence to the contrary turns up, you can always re-evaluate his motives . . . but until then, take him at face value.


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eoraptor
Lover

Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 30, 2011 - 01:34 PM (#60150)
In Response to dpm (#60148):

You did enjoy watching the video (got I almost said tape, how does that date me?) so obviously he was right about what you enjoy. So don't be so weirded out by that.

But, if there is a Video (almost did it again) someone WILL see it. That's the nature of the digital age we live in. if the camera is one that records to a DVD or god forbid, that tape I keep trying to mention, just destroy it after watching it once. if it's a digital file on an SD card or inside the camera, delete it and make sure there wasn't a copy saved to the computer. Fun with a camera, indeed is fun, but its also very very VERY easy for it to get out. Doesn't matter if you have political aspirations or you're just Joe six-pack or Judy office-worker. Been there, done that. Even on accident.

And have a serious talk with him about how it makes you feel. BOTH that you enjoyed it, but also that you are uncomfortable with its possibilities. obviously you enjoyed it, so you need to be obvious with both yourself and him about that, just as much about as with your concerns about being unknowingly taped and how that makes you feel; and with the worries someone else will see it.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 30, 2011 - 01:49 PM (#60151)

I might want to run for public office one day ...

Eww. Now that's perverse.

And dpm has a very good point: you did like it.

What you now need to do is: tell your boyfriend that it's been making you a bit nervous, get him to repeat his reassurance to you that it won't hapen again, and request to watch him as he deletes the source file from his computer. (Don't come on too strong on that last one, or it will just convey to him that you don't trust him under any circumstances.)

Whatever you do, don't break up with him over this. For one thing, his intentions were good and he accurately gauged your reaction, right? For another, that would pretty much guarantee that he'll be so pissed off at you that the video will wind up all over the Net.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Friday, September 30, 2011 - 04:28 PM (#60154)

I went with dump the creep. Regardless of whether you enjoyed the birthday sex with video enhancement, this boyfriend saw nothing wrong with secretly recording your sexual escapades without permission. This means he also likly sees nothing wrong with speading this "private" moment over every pron site on the internet the moment your relationship takes a bad turn, and yes dear, he already has another secret copy somewhere for when this happens.

If you are ok with having sex tapes all over the internet, then stay with the guy. If you are not, well it's too late because it's going the happen the moment you leave him. Nice honest guys don't video record their sexual escapades in secret without permission. Scumbag asshats do.

I hope this helps.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, October 01, 2011 - 03:49 AM (#60157)

I went with dump the creep. [...] Nice honest guys don't video record their sexual escapades in secret without permission. Scumbag asshats do.

Gosh, it's a good thing commenters here don't take extreme positions, isn't it?

He did it specifically as a surprise, thinking that she would like it -- and he was right, she did. He told her that he was giving her a surprise -- kinda difficult get permission first and yet keep it a secret, wouldn't you say? He told her it was a one-time thing, and she has no reason yet to disbelieve him. (Still, it wouldn't hurt to have him reinforce that pledge.)

If he's a scumbag asshat creep for making the video, why don't you also call her a sex-crazed dingbat whoreslut for getting so turned on by it that it inspired her to shtup him then and there?

I personally think it was a profoundly stupid thing for him to do, even though he was right about her wanting to rut around like a wombat in heat as a result of watching the DVD. But you know what? Humans of both sexes make mistakes, and I believe in second chances. Why break up with him now, when he has promised not to do it again? If he breaks his promise, sure -- dump him as an untrustworthy scumbag asshat. ... IF.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, October 01, 2011 - 09:10 AM (#60159)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#60157):

@Murgatroyd

I respect your opinion that it was a simple "surprise" intended to induce a fun sexual time between them. Another "surprise" could be when she first hears of the video out in the wild on the internet if they have a break-up. I don't know how many hundreds of "adult" video sites on the internet are comprised of "My Ex-Girlfriend" pron videos, but trust me there are a large number of them. (If you don't trust me, then just do the web search yourself.)

The only way these videos get started is by people bringing video cameras into their sex life in the first place. My contention is that nice guys don't without permission in advance. Of course we may differ on our definition of nice guys. Mine just doesn't include guys who pull scumbag manuvers under the thin pretext of a "surprise" for your birthday.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, October 01, 2011 - 06:48 PM (#60160)

I respect your opinion that it was a simple "surprise" intended to induce a fun sexual time between them.

Waitaminnit -- my opinion? How about her opinion? That's what she said it was, and that's what it did, according to her.

Another "surprise" could be when she first hears of the video out in the wild on the internet if they have a break-up.

"Could be." Yeah, and he "could be" a serial killer, too, for all you know. Why don't you wait until he actually commits the crime before you pronounce him guilty?

I don't know how many hundreds of "adult" video sites on the internet are comprised of "My Ex-Girlfriend" pron videos, but trust me there are a large number of them. (If you don't trust me, then just do the web search yourself.)

Jebus! Spare me your condescension. Follow the discussion -- I'm the one who raised that as a possibility ... if she were fool enough to go overboard and dump him right now because of this one incident. And that's precisely what you want her to do. You're setting her up with a self-fulfilling prophesy.

My contention is that nice guys don't without permission in advance. Of course we may differ on our definition of nice guys. Mine just doesn't include guys who pull scumbag manuvers under the thin pretext of a "surprise" for your birthday.

Seems to me that you don't see any possible middle ground here, that you can't believe the guy could be telling the truth about his intentions and about deleting the video. In your world, there are no guys who make well-intentioned mistakes, only scumbags with thin pretexts. The man is guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

If you're going to play amateur psychologist with him, then I'll do it with her. The way she's having second thoughts about this incident "after the buzz has worn off" and her thin pretext of "I might want to run for public office one day" -- come on, really?! -- lead me to wonder whether she's trying to overcome feelings of guilt about enjoying it. She's not in the same league, but she doesn't seem too far removed from the sort of young woman who meets a guy at a party, takes him home, tears off a few ... and then wakes up the next morning horrified. "I don't do things like this -- I'm a nice girl! I must have been raped!"

See how much fun it is to condemn people you've never met?


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DanialArin
Lover

Posts: 92

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: POLL: Blu-Ray Betrayal (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, October 02, 2011 - 12:49 PM (#60163)

Based on the last couple of posts, a comment from a discussion a while back comes to mind:
http://www.courting-disaster.com/forums/CDchat/699 9/index.html?start_at=26 [courting-disaster.com]


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