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POLL RESULTS: Status Symbolic?: (11 comments)

POLL: Status Symbolic?

Friday, October 14, 2011 - 12:00 AM

Take 50% OFF One Item, 3 Free DVD's, Free Shipping & a Free Mystery Gift NOW! Q: I’ve been dating a wonderful man for a few months now, but his Facebook status still says, "single." Should I ask him to change it?


POLL: Should she ask him to change his Facebook status?
 
37% (546) Yes
 
28% (406) No
 
33% (486) It's complicated
1438 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
TheBigJerk
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 14, 2011 - 12:26 AM (#60254)

This is fundamentally the same old question it always is, "Are we just playing, or are we starting to make relationship commitments?"

Now maybe he's happy to be "officially" something and hasn't thought of it. Maybe he's afraid of commitment. Maybe he sees you as date-friends or just dating and not serious. Or maybe he's just like me and only messes with facebook at all when forced to by others pestering him about it because he actually hates those stupid BS social networking crapholes of incestuous backbiting nonsense but deals with them for other peoples' sakes AND ONLY FOR THAT!

*pant* *pant*

Ahem, the point is you are going to have to bring it up, and while it is unwise to be accusing or confrontational, communication is always key in a relationship. And if he doesn't want to declare a relationship with you that doesn't mean you can't be friend-friends or date-friends, but it means you know better than to start planning your wedding with him.

I'm not sure if "Date-friends" is a proper term, but I'm using it any way.


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DanialArin
Lover

Posts: 92

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 14, 2011 - 05:05 AM (#60257)

Have you updated yours?

When you're out together and run into someone that one of you knows, do you introduce each other as your respective boyfriend/girlfriend?

He may have just not given any thought to his status on Facebook since you started dating, and hasn't noticed that you've updated yours because he doesn't need to look at your page to know what's going on in your life, since he sees you in person. It's also possible he hasn't thought about relationship status up to this point... or that he still considers you two to be "just dating", and if he's not seeing anyone else it's due to lack of time or opportunity to find an alternate companion.

It's also possible that you have different thresholds of what constitutes being "in a relationship". The lines have blurred somewhat in the last 40 years. At one time, it was a date if the guy paid for the girl, you didn't even kiss until the third date, and you wore each other's school ring on a chain as a promise not to see other people. For some people, a kiss goodnight makes the difference between dating and hanging out. For others, it's not a date if it doesn't include sex. For some people a hug is incredibly intimate, while for others, fifteen minutes of swallowing each other's tongues counts as a casual hello. And every so often you get a couple who mutually deny there's anything more than casual sex, until one of them suggests getting married.

If you really want an answer to this, you're just going to have to ask him. And have at least a short version of the "Where are we, and where are we going" talk.


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ErikTheRed
Lover

Posts: 25

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 14, 2011 - 11:45 AM (#60258)
In Response to DanialArin (#60257):

Does he pay that much attention to Facebook? Does he even know how to change the setting? I've seen enough drama over these two reasons to result in a century's worth of Lifetime channel dramas.


Locked profile
Gallows
Lover

Posts: 9

Registered:
Aug 2011
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 14, 2011 - 12:42 PM (#60259)

I, as with Jerk, hate Facebook and all those social network sites and must be harassed by everyone before I go to mine. Besides, when has Facebook been THE point of when a relationship is real, or just in the testing phase? How does he introduce you? Does his eyes light up when he sees you? Does he spend a good portion of his time with you? This is more important than a checked box on a sterile, unfeeling program on the internet.

Still, if it bothers you that he hasn't checked in a relationship, talk to him. Maybe his answer will shed a light on the situation and amuse you at the same time.


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rhahael
Lover

Posts: 20

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 14, 2011 - 12:44 PM (#60260)

FACEBOOK? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!!

Please, Drop him now, so he can find himself a woman who's not THAT shallow!


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Amanda
Lover

Posts: 30

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 14, 2011 - 01:54 PM (#60261)

After you've had the define the relationship conversation and you both have defined the relationship as monogamous, you have the right to change your Facebook and in doing that you request he change his. If he refuses or just ignores it, then you can question him. If he's not too into Facebook, it's more understandable that he wouldn't change it, but if you ask and he doesn't it's disrespectful to your desire to be acknowledged as what you both have decided you are. But the define the relationship conversation always comes before the Facebook changes.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 14, 2011 - 04:37 PM (#60262)

Your feeling about the relationship defines it, not the status flag set on a social networking site. So do you feel that you are both a couple, or do you feel that he's deliberately still keeping his options open. That is the real issue here, and his Facebook flag is just a symptom of your own uncertainty about your relationship.

Like the others, I suggest you speak with your boyfriend and figure out where his head is at regarding your relationship rather than worry about a setting on a social web page. It is an indicator of nothing else but your own uncertainty.


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CaptainSmokeblower
Lover

Posts: 58

Registered:
Nov 2009
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 14, 2011 - 08:05 PM (#60263)

Only if he get to pick "Beware, I'm dating a crazy lady," for his status.


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Pixiestick013
Lover

Posts: 3

Registered:
Oct 2011
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, October 15, 2011 - 07:22 AM (#60266)

If you can live with him possibly never changing his status, then I say let it be.

However, conventional wisdom indicates that if you have to ask, then it's enough of an issue to cause problems. So I say go ahead and ask, just be prepared to get a negative reaction for your efforts.


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Gallows
Lover

Posts: 9

Registered:
Aug 2011
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, October 15, 2011 - 11:06 AM (#60268)
In Response to CaptainSmokeblower (#60263):

Heh, I should have used that one with my ex fiance.


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wolfger
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Feb 2011
Re: Status Symbolic? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, October 18, 2011 - 05:09 PM (#60283)

Asking him to stop being "single" is a marriage proposal. Is that what she really wants? And if so, I think there's better ways to propose than that.


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Discussion: POLL: Status Symbolic? | Login/Create an Account | 11 comments
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