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POLL RESULTS: Investing in a bust market: (14 comments)

POLL: Investing in a bust market

Friday, October 21, 2011 - 12:00 AM

Take 50% OFF One Item, 3 Free DVD's, Free Shipping & a Free Mystery Gift NOW! Q: I met a man who told me I could move in with him. He said he would take care of the bills and everything. Well, this worked for a while but I began to feel depressed and I don’t know why. We eventually broke up and now he’s asking me to pay him for my breast implants. But he’s the one who wanted me to get them! I don’t want to leave it ugly, but I feel I have no choice. I wish we could remain friends, but he’s being ridiculous. I need my money to start a new life.

POLL: What should she do?
 
5% (89) Wait and see if the boyfriend calms down
 
54% (949) Tell the boyfriend no, flat out.
 
6% (117) Pay the guy, fair and square
 
22% (389) Work out a deal. Pay some.
 
10% (190) Have the implants removed.
1734 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Amanda
Lover

Posts: 30

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 21, 2011 - 01:16 AM (#60293)

Tell him that since they were a gift, he has no right to expect payment for them. It would be too dangerous to have them removed and he's only wanting the money back because he's pissed about the break up and probably feeling used.


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DavidArgall
Lover

Posts: 42

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 21, 2011 - 02:12 AM (#60295)
In Response to Amanda (#60293):

Legally, you are in the clear. Morally, they were apparently for his enjoyment and so you are OK.
But practically, you just want to get on with your life and and so paying him some "go away" money is a good idea. Of course, he may not be willing to compromise at a figure you can afford, but you should at least check.


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rhahael
Lover

Posts: 20

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 21, 2011 - 03:51 AM (#60298)

He's the one who wanted; you're the one who accepted... I feel like something is being hidded in this story. Men with such goodwill as to invite people to move together don't do this because of some breakup alone.


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Deekay723
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Sep 2008
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 21, 2011 - 09:59 AM (#60304)

Guys like that don't do anything out of generosity--they do it because they think it gives them power over you.

He wanted you to move in and he wanted to pay all the bills because then he'd be your saviour and you'd HAVE to be grateful and love him forever and ever when every other woman in his life has seen what an abusive, controlling jerk he is and left him (I've watched friends go through this enough times to know that the story doesn't change).

It's about power, pure and simple--you gave him power when you allowed him to take care of all the bills. Now he's trying to use what little leverage he has to continue to hurt you for not transforming yourself into the woman (appendage) he wanted you to be.

Greenmail won't make him go away. If you pay him, he'll just find something else for which to claim you owe him--because this petty behaviour is his way of extending his power over you, and that's all that matters to him.

Now, don't get me wrong; there are men who are truly generous in this world. Most men who are in love want to do whatever they can for their prospective partner--but those men are usually also intelligent enough to maintain a sense of equality in the relationship, and offering to pay for EVERYTHING precludes that.


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Garwulf
Lover

From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 21, 2011 - 10:00 AM (#60305)

It seems to me that this one is a no-brainer. Tell him no, and move on with your life. I say this for two reasons:

1. On general principles, they were a gift from him, and morally he has no right to demand payment for them.

2. If you do pay him off, this would open the door for him to make other demands of you. All those bills he was paying for? He might demand your share of them now. If you close the door on that right now, you won't have to worry about him becoming a leech on you every time he needs some spare cash.

(And, if I might make the observation, from what you've said here he sounds like a rather ugly individual deep down inside to begin with. I would never want my girlfriend to get breast implants or any surgery to change herself cosmetically, and I can't think of a single good person who would. If you're going to be loved, it should be for who you are, both inside and out.)


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Scottish
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Oct 2011
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 21, 2011 - 11:18 AM (#60308)

He wanted you to get them, he paid for them before there was a ring on your finger. Thus, he was getting himself a gift, and has no right to get pissy. He should take this as a learning experience, and not be a damned fool in the future.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 1)
posted Friday, October 21, 2011 - 04:50 PM (#60311)

I went with "Work out a deal. Pay some."

This is why. Everyone posting here up to this point is treating your ex-boyfriend as someone who took advanage of you. To me it looks like you both took advantage of each other. He got a live in girlfriend for a while, and you got off with your expenses handled for a while.

That makes it a pretty even exchange except for one thing. You get to leave the situation with a significant cash investment by him in your appearance. Certainly your boyfriend got an opportunity to enjoy that investment for a period of time, but now he has lost that opportunity due to your relationship breaking up.

You had a choice originally to not get the brest augmentation if it wasn't a "gift" for you. You also chose to let him buy the augumentation for you under the presumption that you would remain a couple (since I'm pretty sure you didn't tell him you intended to break up with him before he paid for it).

In my opinion that means you should feel partially responsible for paying for it. Certainly it was a "gift", and you have no legal requirement repay him unless their was a contract (verbal or written). However, if I were in your shoes I wouldn't feel right with myself about taking that kind of money from him, and not expecting to pay some of it back when things went south.

Then again some people are greedy and selfish. If you are one of those people, then by all means tell him tough luck. I do think those brest augmentations retain a least of modicum of residual "trade in value" in terms of your appearance, and it would be the right thing to do to discuss that "devalued" pay off amount.

Also this should be a lesson learned for you in the future. If you don't like the strings attached, then I recommend you turn down the "gift" instead of accepting it.


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DanialArin
Lover

Posts: 92

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Friday, October 21, 2011 - 06:10 PM (#60312)

There's a lot of information missing here which can play into your decision(s). A part of this is the timeline and the order of events.

How long were you together before he asked you to move in? How long before he asked you to get the surgery? How long after that before the break up? Were you working before you moved in, and if so did you stop working once he took on the bills, when and why? When did you start getting depressed? (Did it perhaps coincide with stopping working? Or with getting the implants?)

I'm not saying these things *will* play into your final decision, but that they *might*. It would be helpful for us trying to figure out what we would think is right in your shoes if we had a timeline.

Given the information we have so far, I'd say this bill, like the ones he volunteered for when he asked you to move in, is on him. If he wanted you to get the implants and you would otherwise not have gotten them, then this particular expense is predominantly, if not entirely, of his making. Doubly so if he made you give up a job, thus denying you, first as a couple and now individually, the resources you would otherwise have had at this point.

(Of course, because we have so little to go on, for all we know you've been working two full-time jobs the entire time you were living together, and either just hung onto the money or spent it on frivolities because you had no living expenses... but somehow I find that unlikely.)


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abb3w
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, October 22, 2011 - 10:54 AM (#60314)

Some bridges were made for burning. Don't give him the money; give some to a lawyer. Find out whether there's any basis for his wanting repayment (generally, I suspect not, but I am not a lawyer), and then have the lawyer write him a "shut up and go away" letter. The former can probably be mostly covered in an initial consult; I'd guess the latter will probably cost a billable hour or two - maybe $500?

Caveat: if you work as a model or stripper, I can imagine some manner of more legally substantive claim about the implants (paying for your business expense or some such). In that case, expect to pay more in legal expenses. Your lawyer will probably be still willing to try the letter, but the ex may well get a lawyer to respond with a "NO U" letter. However, I'd expect paying the legal expenses and the settlement to be cheaper (and more final, nailing down everything else he'd whine over) than just repaying him up front.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, October 22, 2011 - 03:19 PM (#60315)

Let's look at some analogous situations:

* If he had paid for you to go on vacation with him last year, and now wanted you to repay him for that, would you feel obligated?

* If he had asked you, and paid for you, to have his name tattooed on your butt, and now wanted you to repay him for that, would you feel obligated? You'd still be stuck with a tattoo that you didn't want ... and you'd have to explain it to anyone who got intimate with you.

* If he had given you an engagement ring, and now that you've broken up he wanted you to keep the ring but insisted that you reimburse him for it, would you feel obligated?

You had surgery because he wanted you to. You have scars, and your boobs are now fake. If you have the implants removed, that'll be more surgery, more pain, more scars, and more expense ... and your breasts probably will never be the same. Whatever you do, those implants are going to affect you for the rest of your life, aren't they? He's thinking in terms of money, but there's much more to it than that.

Frankly, I'd tell him that he can have the implants back, but only if he's willing to pay for the removal and reconstructive surgery. Or you could offer to buy him a pair of implants, just the prosthetic devices -- what he does with them is his business. But he has no right to demand that you pay for the surgery, any more than he has a right to demand that you keep an engagement ring but repay him for it.

Maybe he's hurting, and he's demanding the money in a fit of pique. If so, he'll get over it. But more likely, since he had you get implants in the first place, he's a self-centered jerk who wants to control you. If so, to hell with him.


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eegah
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
May 2010
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Monday, October 24, 2011 - 08:18 AM (#60318)

Hey was stupid enough to make you get them and pay for them..I say he's shit out of luck!


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Chuck777
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Oct 2011
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, October 27, 2011 - 04:43 AM (#60339)

WARNING: I am going to play Devil's Advocate here.

From the sound of your post, I think you are a despicable person. You had every right to decline his desire yet you didn't. Getting Breast Implants isn't a thing you do while you're drunk one night. There are weeks, if not months, of prep work and multiple consultations. You had ample opportunity to NOT mutilate your body, yet you did it anyways. You WANTED the Breast Implants because YOU wanted to look sexy for your man.

Then you became depressed and ended the relationship. Well now he's out a boat load of cash and you walk away with months, if not years, of free room, free board and two shiny new breasts.

You're no different than the fat people who get liposuction and dump their significant others because now they can attract more beautiful partners.

You used this man and it isn't right.

Now obviously we don't have all the facts here but, let's be honest, adults don't mutilate their bodies because of peer pressure.

Regardless of how you may feel now, at the time, you did want those implants. If they truly were a gift, then legally you can be as standoffish and curmudgeonly as you want. Morally? Who knows, everything is so relative these days. Personally? I think you got a free ride.

I hope your new breasts will help you attract a new mate, perhaps one that sees the wisdom in going Dutch.


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spzeidler
Lover

Posts: 35

Registered:
Jan 2010
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, October 27, 2011 - 04:03 PM (#60342)
In Response to Chuck777 (#60339):

"adults don't mutilate their bodies because of peer pressure"

Experience shows that being of legal age does not make people impervious to being talked into phenomenally bad ideas. Alas.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Investing in a bust market (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, November 01, 2011 - 05:11 AM (#60365)

Experience shows that being of legal age does not make people impervious to being talked into phenomenally bad ideas. Alas.

What. She. Said.


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