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Foreground conclusion (10 comments)

Foreground conclusion

Friday, November 04, 2011 - 12:00 AM

Take 50% OFF One Item, 3 Free DVD's, Free Shipping & a Free Mystery Gift NOW! Q: I had a feeling that the guy I’ve been seeing for the past year was spending the weekend in another city with someone else. But I had a family emergency, and needed someone to talk to so I called him. That was a mistake. I heard another woman’s voice in the background and he quickly rushed me off the phone. I felt awful. A few days later, he called me and we talked. He apologized and everything. But I’m still feeling some kind of way. The holidays are coming and I don’t want to be alone again. My whole situation feels so unfair. But It’s me not being fair to myself. I realize that this is not about him but about my needs.

rhahael
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Posts: 20

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Jun 2011
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 04, 2011 - 01:12 AM (#60400)

You don't want to be alone on the holidays? And that's the reason you're putting up with the guy who you found out was cheating on you?

Sorry I can't say anything to you right now, I'm having a hard time trying to accept this as any sort of reality...


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DanialArin
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Posts: 92

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Apr 2009
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 04, 2011 - 04:26 AM (#60401)

If you're just looking for willing company so you're not alone during the holidays, there are better ways and places to remedy that than begging the guy you know is cheating on you to prioritize you over his other eager (and currently higher-priority) playthings.

Singles clubs. Church groups. The laundromat. The library. Your local gaming store or comic shop. Science fiction or anime conventions, some of which have designated singles events and mixers. And of course the ever-popular online dating services.

I think I've said it before, but it bears repeating. "Nerd" and "geek" guys typically don't have much success with women. As a result, you'll find most of them to be intensely loyal, once you find one you like. The caveats are that (a) you'll likely have to make the first move, due to shyness on the part of the ones you'll probably want, and (b) that loyalty may translate into clinginess, or a semblance thereof; if it becomes too much, you may have to impose ground rules.


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lwj2
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Posts: 33

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Feb 2008
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 04, 2011 - 08:50 AM (#60402)

You'd rather be a door mat than lonely?

Poor choice, IMO. Look around for singles groups and tell your attending physician you're stupid and now need RFLs run.


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Matato
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Jun 2011
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 04, 2011 - 09:45 AM (#60404)

You have to ask yourself, when you look back on this holiday season, do you want to say, "That was the season I was so pathetic that I put up with a cheating boyfriend just so I wouldn't be alone," or, "That was the season I decided I was worth something?" You're right, this is about your needs, or should be. You can put your energy into making unhappy memories, or you can put that into yourself. Not having to buy presents for a jerk means you can get yourself that thing you've been holding off on. You can treat yourself to fancy dinners that you don't have to share. Being alone during the holidays only sucks if you let it. If you're on your own, at least there's potential for good things to happen. If you're with cheating loser, there's no chance.


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rorirose
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Jan 2011
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 04, 2011 - 10:21 AM (#60406)

I don't think anyone here is going to disagree that he's cheating on you. It was pretty point blank and you should never ignore that feeling.

Drop him.

You've let him walk over you and disrespect you for this long, don't make your holiday a miserable one because of him. Immerse yourself in your family and friends, who love you for who you are, and find someone who will spend time with you and only you.

Besides, do you have any guarantee that you won't be lonely WITH him? He could decide to spend the holidays with her.

Take up DanialArin's suggestions if you really want to spend some time with someone over the holiday season. Or take the time to enjoy yourself without the need of a guy around you to make things unnerving, frustrating and uncertain because it's a new relationship. Plan some events with your friends, take a mini-vacation, pamper yourself.

But don't let HIM be the reason your season is horrible. He's already taken enough advantage by cheating on you.


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zmortis
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Jun 2009
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 04, 2011 - 07:17 PM (#60418)

I'm sticking with the advice already given before me. Dump him. Your using the "boyfriend for the holidays" excuse is just that, a bad excuse to keep him around.

This player is only able to play people like you because you are, up till now, weak willed enough to not stand up for yourself. Either continue to handle your relationship like a doormat and keep getting walked all over, or learn that having self respect and being without a poor excuse for a "boyfriend" is the much better option.

I personally don't know any honest friends or caring family members who would tell you any different.

I hope this helps.


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Murgatroyd
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Jan 2008
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, November 05, 2011 - 12:46 AM (#60419)

My first reaction to the letter was, "My God, woman! How dare you treat yourself so badly?"

Even if you don't have other boyfriends on the horizon, there are other options for the holidays. Friends. Family. Do volunteer work in a shelter for battered women, if you want to be with someone who appreciates your presence ... and if you want to see what your "I'll put up with being treated like garbage just so I can have a man to be with" attitude can eventually lead to.


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BlueD
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May 2009
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, November 06, 2011 - 01:08 AM (#60424)

Guys, guys.

From what we know "a womans voice in the background and he quickly rushed me" - we know only that the OP suspects him to be cheating.

Could be, yeah.
Could be a million other things, like "she always suspects cheating" so I tell her nothing at all. Not about the visit to my sister, nor my therapy.

Besides that - monogamy is a fools game, heavily idolized for our inconvenience.
If "not being alone" is a stronger motivation for the OP than "being in a monogamous, faithful relationship" - why not let her?

Me personally, I could accept to share a partner, but my chalk line woul be the lying about it.
But everybody his own...


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ansilatoms
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Nov 2011
Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, November 06, 2011 - 11:28 PM (#60425)

Rather than assume that you buy into the prevailing cultural norm that says if you've been seeing someone, they therefore are exclusive, and seeing someone else, on either of your parts constitutes "cheating" (a word I abhor), I'll suggest that maybe you've both agreed that exclusivity isn't necessary. If that is the case, then you've just slammed up against the sad aspect of our inherently selfish natures. On some level we all want to own everything we like. Being alone at times...even key holidays...is part of being free. I'd suggest, in this case, either volunteer your services to charity, or seek out others who are alone, ill (not contagious), or who need extra help. You may also reevaluate what you want in your love life.


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Murgatroyd
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Re: Foreground conclusion (Score: 0)
posted Monday, November 07, 2011 - 02:35 AM (#60427)

From what we know "a womans voice in the background and he quickly rushed me" - we know only that the OP suspects him to be cheating.

No, we also know that he apologized for what he did.

I don't know about you, but I don't apologize for things I didn't do. And I wouldn't stay with a woman who wanted me to apologize for something that I didn't do.


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