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POLL RESULTS: Workplace romance: (12 comments)

POLL: Workplace romance

Friday, November 18, 2011 - 10:44 AM

Q: I'm in my early 20s and am working at my first job. When I started I was lectured numerous times by friends etc. not to engage in interoffice dating.

But of course on my first day there I notice there's a really beautiful brunette girl. We ended up dating and she admitted to me that she had recently dated another guy in the office, that things had ended badly and that he had certain...ahem...sensitive pictures of her. He wouldn't leave her alone so she was forced to go to HR and he was moved to a seperate part of the company.

I was very concerned about this even though she was very upfront with me about it. Anyway one night I made a crack about her sleeping with our CEO (a stupid little office rumor) and she freaked out.

After that it felt like everytime we would get close to taking that "next step" physically or emotionally she would run away. Until finally she did, saying that we couldn't date because we worked together. So I put on a happy face and accepted that.

But now, six months later, she spends a lot of time with a male coworker. He even drove her car to work one day. Is it wrong of me to be upset if she's now dating someone else in the office?

POLL: What should he do?
 
89% (1502) Learn his lesson and move on
 
1% (17) Try to get her back
 
3% (60) Report the two to the CEO
 
5% (95) Make her jealous by dating the woman from accounting
1674 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
AdviceIncorporated
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Sep 2009
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 18, 2011 - 11:15 AM (#60494)

I'd say you dodged a bullet here. That had the potential to be a seriously toxic relationship. Think about it: she has terrible judgement (allowing an ex to take "sensitive pictures"), she's inconsistent (says she can't date a coworker, but keeps dating coworkers), and she's apparently hypersenstive.

Better to move on and forget this one; she sounds like bad news.


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bucketsgirl
Lover

Posts: 10

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 18, 2011 - 02:38 PM (#60496)

I think it is pretty obvious she used the excuse of "we can't date because we work together" because she didn't want to date YOU. You freaked her out with your inappropriate joke and it killed her attraction to you, so she took the easy way out and used an excuse. Not mature, but maybe she thought she was sparing your feelings (or maybe she was just being cowardly).

Obviously you don't actually consider it wrong for her to date coworkers (since YOU dated a coworker, and did not consider it to be a problem that she dated another one previously) so going to the CEO is more than a little hypocritical.

She didn't like you. She's possibly seeing someone else. Whether they are just friends or dating is really not any of your business. Get over it, move on from her, and stay professional in the workplace.


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TheBigJerk
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 18, 2011 - 06:44 PM (#60500)

Textbook example of WHY workplace dating is considered a dangerous thing.

I don't know or care whether you or she is the jerk in this break-up, ultimately it was a breakup and it won't be getting better. The only question that remains is how you're going to handle it now that she's going to be right there making you jealous as she moves on with her life and fucks all kinds of people your subconscious is telling you to compare yourself to. This is natural after all break ups, but in the workplace you cannot just avoid each other like the plague.

It is wrong, but common to feel jealousy. The correct response is to get over it, if possible be friends again, and if you cannot be supportive of her relationships then be honest and say, "I can't be objective about your romances, so please don't ask for my opinions on them."

Most emotional problems have logical solutions, we just don't LIKE those solutions.


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eoraptor
Lover

Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, November 19, 2011 - 01:23 PM (#60505)

Lesson learned. You're a jerk for making light of her concerns, she's an inconsistent bitch for her repetitive actions which are either manipulative or self-destructive.

Either Way, it's over. Take your lumps and learn your lessons about she and yourself here, and move on.

Workplace dating itself is not bad. After all, you both work there, you must have at least SOME skills and likes in common (unless it's walmart) so there's already one notch on the old compatibility meter.

However, unlike dating in other venues, you don't really have the option of never seeing or interacting with that person again (and hence badmouthing them to all your friends without fear of reprisal from the other party) unless one of you up and quits.

So treat dating on the job like the double edged sword it is, and treat this as an object lesson.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, November 20, 2011 - 04:41 AM (#60506)

Anyway one night I made a crack about her sleeping with our CEO (a stupid little office rumor) and she freaked out.

From the intensity of her reaction, I have to wonder whether this was only a rumor. You might have accidentally struck a nerve.

At any rate ... yeah, you dodged a bullet. Don't walk back into the line of fire.


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rorirose
Lover

Posts: 26

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Monday, November 21, 2011 - 03:59 AM (#60510)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#60506):

Her strong reaction would indicate that she has slept with or wanted to sleep with the CEO. It's just a matter of time until she's either "worked" her way up the ladder or she's made such a mess of her interoffice relationships by dating too often in the work pool that she gets fired.

Plus it seems that explosive reaction was an excuse, yes. And everyone else has said it perfectly so ...

Ignore her, drop it, let the new poor shmuck find out the hard way because it's none of your concern anymore.


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rhahael
Lover

Posts: 20

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, November 22, 2011 - 03:12 AM (#60520)

All of the above, except "bucketsgirl". Don't follow women advice about women. It's OBVIOUS that she "freaked out" on the joke because she just realized you got awareness of the fact that she was slutting around the office; and make no mistakes, she will keep slutting around, so be thankful you didn't get on this mess.


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Gallows
Lover

Posts: 9

Registered:
Aug 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, November 22, 2011 - 09:25 AM (#60522)

You live you learn. Don't let this get to you and move on. Not all relationships are going to work out, especially with the pressure of work put on top of it.

Take your lumps, enjoy the time you had, and be happy. It's the best revenge ultimately.


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bombastinator
Lover

Posts: 8

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, November 22, 2011 - 01:05 PM (#60523)

Welcome to the wonderful world of the female office sexual predator.

1) The comment about the previous boyfriend was not a ski of the tongue, it was a warning:
If you talk about this relationship to anyone I will get you fired.

2) Her espoused reason for dumping you was transparently false, but was not intended to be kind. It was legal cover. She complained about you first so anything you say about her is not tainted and will merely cause you to be attacked.

This woman is POISON POISON POISON. She kinda owns you now. get in her way and she can blame it on the relationship. The tragedy is you can't even warn any one or she will drop the hammer on you.


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Garwulf
Lover

From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, November 23, 2011 - 09:03 AM (#60527)

Okay, first of all, it is not wrong of you to be upset. You loved and lost, and it looks like you had the misfortune to see somebody else win in your place. If that doesn't hurt on some level, you should be concerned.

But, second of all, as just about everybody else has said, the right reaction in this case is to get over it and move on. Little else to be said on this point - the only thing you can do by getting back into the proverbial line of fire is get hurt, and possibly even fired for harassment.

And, third, although this may sound harsh of me, my first reaction to reading this was to mutter "get over yourself." The crack about her sleeping with the CEO was asinine in any context, and her dropping you for it (particularly when she had already had a stalker situation in the workplace) was quite understandable. You're not the good guy in this - you're the jerk who tried to get her into bed and made jokes about her sleeping her way to the top. This relationship was torpedoed by your actions, not hers. And that is one of the lessons you should take away from this.


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Newsman
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Nov 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, November 23, 2011 - 11:23 AM (#60528)
In Response to AdviceIncorporated (#60494):

I agree with AdviceIncorporated -- move on and find someone else to date. This chick is crazier than a loon!


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LonesomeLoser
Lover

Posts: 25

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: Workplace romance (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, November 24, 2011 - 07:59 AM (#60532)
In Response to Newsman (#60528):

Have to follow through on this - get out of there like you were a black family moving into the Amityville house!


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Discussion: POLL: Workplace romance | Login/Create an Account | 12 comments
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