forums

welcome! please login or register.

 

 

 

POLL RESULTS: Hot (meal) for teacher?: (9 comments)

POLL: Hot (meal) for teacher?

Friday, November 25, 2011 - 12:00 AM

Q: I am a 45 year old woman. I recently went back to school to start a new career. One of my professors is a wonderful young man. I usually show up in his class a half hour early to read over the material he is presenting that day.He is usually there at that time and we have had many personal conversations. I am anxious about all my grades. I told him I that and he started emailing me my grades withing 3 hours of taking the test. He never sends anything personal. My husband seems to think this man has a crush on me. What I feel for this man is maternal not romantic. I want to hook him up with my daughter. I know he is new to the area an has few friends. I would like to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. My problem is I don't want to create a problem. The semester does not end until December. I hate the idea of him eating alone on Thanksgiving but think I should not do something like this until after the semester ends. What do you think?

POLL: What should she do?
 
61% (951) Stop meddling -- with your teacher and with your daughter
 
15% (235) I think the husband is right. But I think it's the woman who's hot for teacher
 
23% (360) Invite the prof over. You might get extra credit.
1546 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
DanialArin
Lover

Posts: 92

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 25, 2011 - 01:49 AM (#60537)

Completely overlooking the fact that it's now after Thanksgiving...

Most academic codes of conduct forbid close personal relationships between a student and anyone with any responsibility or authority for determining their grades.

Once the semester's over and the grades are filed, it's all fair game, and if you want to see if your prof and your daughter might take to each other at that point, then have at. But until then, it's one thing if he invited you and a bunch of other students to a party at his place, but for you to invite him to yours without the rest of the class would be a problem, and him accepting such an invitation would be an open invitation for the academic equivalent of a dishonorable discharge.


Locked profile
rhahael
Lover

Posts: 20

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 25, 2011 - 05:23 AM (#60539)

Do not; never, period.

Any insistence means it's really the second option from the pool that is right


Locked profile
TheBigJerk
Lover

Posts: 13

Registered:
Mar 2011
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 25, 2011 - 11:16 PM (#60545)

It *could* be he's just happy to have a student who actually GIVES a damn. Wow, it's my godmother that's the teacher asnd still the bitterness transfers...

Anyhoo, you wanna play match-maker that's not directly a problem, but you should do it without the games or the code-of-conduct breaking invitations, just mention to him, at some point, that you think he should meet your daughter, it seems like they have a lot in common. If he's anything like most young men my- er, HIS age then he will find the whole thing adorably irritating and take it as the compliment it is.

And then decline.

Is that over the top? I can never tell...


Locked profile
eoraptor
Lover

Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, November 26, 2011 - 01:35 PM (#60546)

Quit attempting to live vicariously through your daughter.

Is there any more to be said than that?


Locked profile
Firesabers
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Nov 2011
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Monday, November 28, 2011 - 04:19 AM (#60550)

Its great to dream and all, and you may have found a nice match for your daughter, but as other commenter's pointed out, it's a violation of a schools code of conduct and it probably would have ended up weird anyway. If you want to introduce him to your daughter that's fine, but going any further will most likely be a burden on all parties involved.


Locked profile
hightechartist
Lover

Posts: 9

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, November 29, 2011 - 01:05 AM (#60553)

When I was single, when an older woman tried to set me up with her daughter, the first thing that popped into my head was "what is wrong with the girl if she needs her mom to set her up to find a date?"

When my mom tried to set me up on dates with the daughters of her friends, I found it rather embarrassing.


Locked profile
Garwulf
Lover

From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, November 29, 2011 - 10:15 AM (#60554)

Don't. Just don't.

There is no way in which this is not a VERY bad idea.

If you were to do this, it could be considered as a bribe or an effort to begin an inappropriate relationship with him. It would compromise you as his student, it would compromise him as your instructor, and it would compromise your relationship with your daughter, who is very unlikely to appreciate meddling in her personal life.

There are only two times when socializing outside of the classroom would be appropriate - if the professor invites the class out to join him at the pub, in which case it is a class event, or after the course is done and all the grades are in, at which time he will no longer be your professor and conflicts of interest are no longer a concern.


Locked profile
DanialArin
Lover

Posts: 92

Registered:
Apr 2009
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, November 29, 2011 - 04:57 PM (#60556)

Again, while he still is responsible for a grade for you, you need to keep to a minimum any interaction not related to your work for this class.

Once the term is over and grades are filed, that's a different matter. If you really think he'd be a good match for your daughter then:

1. *Wait* until the semester is*completely* over. Until right after Christmas, for example.

2. Ask your daughter if she'd be interested in you making an introduction. If she says no, drop it. (If she says yes, through, remind her that you asked her first, and not to get her hopes up yet.)

3. E-mail or call the professor during the break and see if he'd be interested in joining your family at some social thing or another that you're already going to, regardless of whether he'd come or not. Again, if he's not interested, you took a shot at it, now let it go.

4. *If* he decides to join you, make introductions there. (And remember to introduce your husband *first*).

Do understand that, (1) he maybe more interested in chatting with you, or your husband, than in hitting it off your daughter, and (2) if this works and they do start dating, you will *never* be able to take a class with him again, either due to conflict of interest, or potential complications if they date for a while and then break up.


Locked profile
Matato
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: Hot (meal) for teacher? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, December 07, 2011 - 10:00 AM (#60602)

Don't do anything. Seriously. I have been the teacher in that situation. You're a non-traditional student and I will give you more attention because either you get it and it is so nice to be able to interact with someone at a more engaging level than what's possible with the typical twentysomethings. Or you're struggling because you've been out of school for a while, and you haven't got the rhythm back the way the kids who've been in school for most of their lives have. Your professor is in an environment where he's surrounded by potential friends and he doesn't need you to set him up with his daughter. If he does, there's probably something wrong with him, and it would make it awkward for all of you. That said, some of my best friends are my former students. But that's because we noticed we were traveling in the same circles & had the same interests, you know, like how people normally make friends.If that happens, great, don't avoid it. But don't try to force something either.


Locked profile
Threshold:  Locked
The Fine Print: The above comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
Hell, let's face it, we're not responsible for anything; including the things we say, do, or think. And if you sue us because you think we are? Well, we're not responsible for that either.

 





(C) 2005 Brad J. Guigar. All rights reserved. Use of content or images without the consent of the author is prohibited.