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POLL RESULTS: Roommate wanted: (5 comments)

POLL: Roommate wanted

Friday, December 23, 2011 - 12:00 AM

Q: I have a slight dilemma and need a little help. I have recently developed a crush on my boyfriend’s roommate. I know I have developed this crush by being around the roomie a lot and becoming friends with him. The problem is I don’t want this crush. I know it could lead to bad problems for all parties involved. The attraction to the roomie is killing me, I feel guilty and I’m afraid that I might slip up in the wrong situation. How do I go about this crush or get rid of it?

POLL: What should she do?
34% (509) Stay with her boyfriend. The infatuation with the roommate will pass
0% (9) Dump the boyfriend and follow her heart
34% (502) The crush is an indication that things are going bad with the boyfriend. End the relationship, but wait off on the roommate for a while.
30% (447) Threesome!
1467 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)

Posts: 37

Apr 2011
Re: Roommate wanted (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 23, 2011 - 12:28 AM (#60683)

Why is there not an option along the lines of "be a freaking adult, there's no such thing as 'accidents' or 'slip ups' in a situation like this."

You HAVE a boyfriend. At least, you claim to. If you're off getting crushes on other people, then obviously you are not as committed to the relationship as you claim or have convinced yourself that you are.

Simple solution, stop being in situations where you are in the company of the "attractive roommate" and hope your "crush" goes away.

If that doesn't work... well then you've got a problem with yourself and where you are in your relationship. The boyfriend doesn't seem to factor in here much since he is probably at least mostly unaware of your "feelings" for his roommate. Maybe he could take you out more often, (malls and library's are free) or you two should move in together and cut the roommate out, but ultimately its your feelings, in your head, for you to deal with.

I understand the current economy mandates people don't have the kind of privacy they'd like because of shared dwelling, but this just seems like a no brainer; be a adult and stop brain-humping the roommate.

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Posts: 42

Nov 2010
Re: Roommate wanted (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 23, 2011 - 03:03 AM (#60685)
In Response to eoraptor (#60683):

It's not a matter of being an adult. Plenty of adults go for adultery after all. But you do need to consider what you actually want. You also need to find out what roomie wants. He will be happy to ball you, but we boys do tend to believe in one to a customer, and he could easily be out of your life before you woke up the next day.
A threesome is not impossible. [The story is told of a French couple and her lover. When she suddenly died, the lover was quite upset, causing the widower to assure him, "Don't be so sad. I will marry again soon."] But it is a fragile relationship and not something to casually get into.
Most important is that you do need to decide how you feel about your current boyfriend. If he is a keeper, you will likely have to tell him to get rid of his roommate [or share you]. If you just try to resist easily available temptation, something is going to go wrong, and you already know it can go very wrong.

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Posts: 36

Mar 2010
Re: Roommate wanted (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 23, 2011 - 09:34 AM (#60686)

Have to agree, not sure I like any of the choices, though "be an adult" is also on my preferred list.

Here's the rub - it doesn't matter whether you end up permanently with your current boyfriend, the roommate or someone else entirely, you are always going to find yourself attracted to other people while in a relationship - it's a matter of when, not if. Being an adult about it means *remaining* committed to your SO when this happens, despite your attractions to the other person(s).

Of course, commitment here is what you and your SO decide it will be; if that means you're both open to threesomes, so be it. And if for both of you it means one to a customer, that's fine too. Just so long as you exercise self-responsibility and stick with your commitment like an adult.

One last thing to mention. The whole point of dating - and then becoming boyfriend / girlfriend - is to explore possible relationships. That includes the possibility of breaking up. If you genuinely like roomie better than boyfriend, and assuming roomie feels the same way, then follow your heart; your level of commitment right now is much less than it will be eventually. Just don't fool around behind his back w/o breaking up first - be adult about it.

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Posts: 300

Jan 2008
Re: Roommate wanted (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, December 24, 2011 - 03:57 AM (#60687)

The lady in question should ask herself one thing before she lets herself "slip up" -- is she looking for a permanent relationship with either the roommate or her current boyfriend? Because if she does anything with the roommate, she will lose her boyfriend. But she may only have a short-term relationship with the other guy. Some guys are dumb, but the smart ones know the rule:

"If she'll cheat on her boyfriend to have sex with me, then she's capable of cheating on me to have sex with someone else."

I've had women come on to me while I've been in committed relationships, and I've always passed them up. And in every single case I've later been very glad that I did.

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Posts: 4

Jan 2011
Re: Roommate wanted (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, December 25, 2011 - 08:00 AM (#60691)

How about turning that extra lust toward the boyfriend, while spending a little extra time building up the existing relationship?

Your phrasing indicates you know it's just a bit of lust... but the thing is, there's *always* going to be hot guys (or girls for that matter) in the vicinity. But an actual relationship is about more than lust, and there's no better time than the present to start practicing your relationship skills, like FOCUS.

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