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POLL RESULTS: Radio silence: (5 comments)

POLL: Radio silence

Wednesday, January 25, 2012 - 12:00 AM

I am 20 years old, and I have been on-and-off with a girl for 4 years now. Recently things had started to look really good, but all of a sudden she stopped messaging me during the day. Whenever I call her at night, she says she really cares about me -- and I know she does. It's just that she can be very inconsiderate. We have talked about it before but nothing changes.
POLL: What should this guy do?
49% (295) Move on. She's not interested in you.
32% (195) Try to schedule a time every day when both of you can plan on communicating -- no matter what.
4% (25) Hang in there. She'll come around.
13% (77) Maybe if you messaged *her* more...
592 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)

Posts: 83

Apr 2008
Re: Radio silence (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, January 25, 2012 - 06:16 AM (#60910)

Really, how often do you need to be messaged during the day? Isn't that when she's supposed to give her attention to work?

An occasional ping might be okay, but it sounds like you're excessively needy, and you're the inconsiderate one.

If you're talking in the evenings, that should be enough to continue a relationship. If not, you may need to look at yourself.

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From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Jun 2010
Re: Radio silence (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, January 25, 2012 - 11:04 AM (#60912)
In Response to NunyaBidness (#60910):

I've got to support NunyaBidness' comment. Now that you're no longer teenagers, things do change about the way you conduct your lives. A constant back-and-forth of messages during the day is not likely to be sustainable in the light of a full-time job or even a full course load at university or college.

The one thing I would add is to be careful about reading too much into a change like this. Speaking as somebody with a fiancee, a good relationship is a partnership, not an obsession. My fiancee and I share each other's lives, but we're not joined at the hip for every moment of every day. And as a partnership matures and you get more comfortable as partners, it's normal for communication to become less obsessive.

I'd also further add that, as a 35-year-old now, I can say with absolute certainty that my 20-year-old self was an idiot. In 10 to 15 years, you will probably feel the same way about your 20-year-old self. So, be very careful about making assumptions at this point - it is far too easy to act on an assumption on these matters and destroy what you have as a result (a lesson I learned the hard way).

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Posts: 55

Oct 2009
Re: Radio silence (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, January 25, 2012 - 02:57 PM (#60913)

How long are you willing to tolerate this? It seems a fixture of this girl's way of doing business. If you can accept that she drops off the grid and will return, all's good as long as you keep up other avenues of contact.

To expand on prior're friggin 20. Your mind is still evolving a mile a minute. So is hers. If you and this girl evolve apart, oh well. Plenty of fish in the sea.

if you're still doing the Grover "near" and "far" dance at 25, worry. And consider moving on.

The Grover thing an *old* Seaseme Street reference you may not get. It's probably on Youtube.

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Posts: 24

May 2009
Re: Radio silence (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, January 25, 2012 - 04:00 PM (#60914)

Well, what everybody already said...

I personally hate it when my spouse needs permanent contact, its clingy.
And when she cannot deal with me not being in the mood for phoning for a few days now and then, she is not the right partner for me. (times of crisis are a different thing, of course)

But on another note - what I read out of the OP`s question is, that her mode of communication has drastically changed lately, and that is in fact cause for concern, or at least raises questions.
But as he states that they have already discussed this, I deduct that he has asked and is not willing to accept her changed behaviour, although she assures him of her continuing affection.

In case he cant a deal, he should end it.

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Posts: 300

Jan 2008
Re: Radio silence (Score: 1)
posted Saturday, January 28, 2012 - 02:39 AM (#60927)

It might be that she's been warned at work to avoid outside distractions and concentrate on her job. If so, she should tell him.

It might be that he's being too clingy. If so, she should tell him.

It might be that she's met someone else -- she sees the new guy during the day (at work, maybe), and she doesn't want him to know about her other relationship. If so, the Original Poster should remember that there are 3.5 billion other human females on this planet, and one of them may be more suitable as a girlfriend that the girl he's been seeing.

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