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POLL RESULTS: Drunken love: (6 comments)

POLL: Drunken love

Wednesday, February 01, 2012 - 12:00 AM



I used to date this guy and we had a great relationship, but we ended up breaking up over a rumor started by his stepmom. Well now he is back in my life, and we see each other somewhat often. The problem is when we go out and he gets drunk, he tells me he wants to be with me and he cares a lot about me. But when he sobers-up, he doesn't bring it up or denies it -- saying he doesn't remember saying anything like that to me. Should I believe his drunk/tipsy self or just give up on ever getting back together with him?

POLL: What should she do?
 
84% (663) Dump him. He can only admit he likes you when he's drunk?! You deserve better.
 
2% (17) Keep him good-and-liquored-up, and let the good times roll!
 
13% (108) Give him time... sooner or later one of his organs is going to give in -- his heart or his liver.
788 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
rorirose
Lover

Posts: 26

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Drunken love (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 01, 2012 - 03:36 AM (#60954)

Even if he finally admits that he has feelings for you when he's not drunk, he's so deep in denial that he's forgotten it's not just a river in Egypt. He's either ashamed, afraid, or possibly using your feelings for him as a way to boost his ego. It's hard to say since the information is somewhat sketchy, but from personal experience this type of guy is usually doing it for the third reason - ego boost.

That being said, he might have feelings for you but the fact that he hides behind alcohol to admit them is a clear enough indication he can't face them. You shouldn't let yourself be stringed along. Next time he pulls this stunt, I would suggest you tell him that while that's nice of him to say, you're moving on to someone who can admit to caring for you without the help of booze. Then follow up by actually doing that.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Drunken love (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 01, 2012 - 12:41 PM (#60959)

He sounds like quite a catch!

I predict nothing but good times ahead for both of you.


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vorlonagent
Lover

Posts: 55

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: Drunken love (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 01, 2012 - 02:32 PM (#60960)

Give up on getting back with him. maybe not ever but as long as he's like this, which translates to: "Do not wait for him"

I thought at first he might be friend-able but if he really does harbor feelings, being in the dreaded "friend zone" would just cause much confusion and pain.

If he's getting drunk now when he didn't used to, definitely back off and look for someone new.


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BlueD
Lover

Posts: 24

Registered:
May 2009
Re: Drunken love (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 01, 2012 - 03:01 PM (#60961)

Weeeellll.....

The drunk mind spills whatever is pressing.
So: yeah, he likes you and wants you

The sober mind remembers hurts an risks, so it shyes from the truth of the heart.

The grown-up person does try to know its heart and act according.
Somebody drinking to free the truth of the heart and then denying the effect, for it to have no consequences....
Is quite childlike. And you might deserve better. (if you are more grown-up or truthful than that...)

I´d say: confront him, let it be clear he has the chance to be open now or never.
If he tells you "yes, I want" - its wort a try, even if somebody so inhibitet that he needs liquor to open up is not really the high prize.

If he still denies it, sober and under pressure...drop him like a turd....
there is nothing there for you however lonesome you might be.


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rorirose
Lover

Posts: 26

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Drunken love (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, February 02, 2012 - 05:38 AM (#60965)
In Response to BlueD (#60961):

HAHA! I think BlueD just summed it up best of all with that last bit. Mostly because that's what it sounds like this guy is being. A turd.


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Sanityfaerie
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Drunken love (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 03, 2012 - 08:35 PM (#60987)

I'm going to go with something that none of the other commenters have covered. You said you had a great relationship before. Assuming he hasn't broken himself in some way (like drinking heavily when he didn't before or some such) there's a not unreasonable chance that if he could only get past his current issues, it could work out again. You might as well try something, then. Couldn't hurt, right? Just waiting for him is a loser's game. He's not committing, you shouldn't either - especially since this is exactly the sort of thing that can drag on forever with no resolution. Mind you, if you're off doing something else and he finally fixes himself and gets in touch with you, then that's cool, but that's not exactly waiting. I'd say do something to push the issue. Options include...

- Tell him that you're not interested in him as anything other than a friend unless he can tell you sober. Potentially, refuse to hang out with him when he's drunk.

- Ask his drunk self what it would take to get his sober self to man up. Do that thing. If it doesn't work, plan A.

- If he's trying to get you to come home with him when he's drunk (which seems likely) let him. Don't do anything you'll feel ashamed about in the morning. Confront him on the issue over breakfast. If you want to be kind about it, make said breakfast.

- Record his (while drunk) confession. Play it back to him when he's sober and see what he says.

Basically the idea here is to put him in a situation where he's forced to give you a solid answer you can hold him to (one way or the other), while adding a push to the "yes" column. Then, if he says no, drop it. If he does say no, and continues to tell you such things when drunk, tell him you don't want to hear it unless you can hear it from him when he's sober.


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Discussion: POLL: Drunken love | Login/Create an Account | 6 comments
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