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POLL RESULTS: Peg o' my heart...: (10 comments)

POLL: Peg o' my heart...

Friday, January 27, 2012 - 12:00 AM


Q: As a male who's into bondage as a submissive, I have a tough time bringing up my kink. How does a guy bring up the fact that he wants to be tied up and/or pegged by a woman?
POLL: How do you bring up your kinky side to someone you don't know very well -- but would like to know much better?
 
0% (15) You don't. Let the other person broach the subject.
 
5% (96) Drop hints. Lots and lots of hints.
 
75% (1231) Feel the other person out. See how they respond to the topic when it's not about the two of you.
 
17% (281) Just blurt it out. If the other person is cool with it, then it's go-time. If not, it's better you find out now.
1623 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
FiveOfCups
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Jan 2012
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 27, 2012 - 02:07 AM (#60921)

I can't agree with any of these answers.

I'm guessing, from the fact that you describe yourself as a submissive, that this is important to you. Maybe, instead of trying to find an appealing woman who's into D/s (Dominance and submission-- I'm sure you know this, but not everyone reading will), maybe you should find a woman who's into D/s and see if she appeals to you.

There's a lot of information missing here... how much D/s experience do you have? Are you looking for someone to play with occasionally, or someone to be your Dominant? All of this factors into what you need to do.

If you sign up for Fet, ping me... same user ID as here.


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DavidArgall
Lover

Posts: 42

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 1)
posted Friday, January 27, 2012 - 02:44 AM (#60922)

Just blurting it out would be best, if you don't mind what the neighbors think, or the chance she will start backing towards the door. it might also result in some other lass hearing the story and coming after you.
But most of us are not willing to be that open and so you will likely want to be a little more reserved. It may be a bother having to drop hints and persuade her to drop her own hints, but at least the neighbors don't cross the street when they see you coming.


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sahman
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 27, 2012 - 09:59 AM (#60924)

'Into' can have so many different interpretations. If you're into the Dom/sub lifestyle, I might recommend putting some sort of symbol ( http://www.ownership-possession.com )on a button or something. This will put you out there for those that know what to look for, you don't come across as some creeper to women. While the symbolism may not be universally recognized, it would be better to 'advertise' and have someone know what you're into than have to painfully bring it up and hope you don't scare her off.


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DoubleStar
Lover

Posts: 36

Registered:
Mar 2010
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, January 27, 2012 - 10:01 AM (#60925)

Though I'm not into such myself, several of my friends have similar leanings, so I gotta agree with FiveOfCups here. While it's possible to date folks first and then feel them out for your kink, there are some kinks unusual enough that the only relatively easy way to find a kindred soul is to find a support group first, then try dating folks from that group and hope you'll find one who meets your other relationship needs.

Keep in mind you may have to be fairly flexible in other relationship areas in order to satisfy this kink, and you may need to consider moving to a city or state where more folks with similar leanings tend to live. There are also certain venues that tend to attract folks with alternative leanings, who even if not precisely into your kink will be much more open minded about it; folks working for some of the more "adventurous" small stage performance arts venues are a good place to start. You can also often find folks with kinks similar to yours working at gentleman's clubs, though I generally would steer clear of them; one of my friends has hooked up with numerous kindred souls there, but none have proven to be good long term material despite 15 years of trying.


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hightechartist
Lover

Posts: 9

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, January 29, 2012 - 02:25 AM (#60933)

This is an easy one, though the answer is not an option in the poll.

I have plenty of kinks. I won't go into details, but when I was single, I simply found out where the parties with the kinky people were and did my pickup routine there.

Of course, I'm from LA, where there are a ton of clubs that cater to that sort of thing, so...


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rorirose
Lover

Posts: 26

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Monday, January 30, 2012 - 12:58 AM (#60935)

I had a friend who confessed rather openly to me that he was getting into the domination bit and was looking for it in a relationship. He was fully honest about his wants and that he was searching for a sub girlfriend. His first few attempts were horrible. It was difficult for me to understand his new interests, but I was only a friend. The girls he was dating however, they took it a lot harder and it quickly ended their relationships with him.

Finding someone who is willing to be your dominatrix will be hard when you're trying to find that romantic spark with them as well, and the suggestions for websites and finding sub/dom parties are right on. If you're in an area that has less of a populace then you'll have to search a bit harder, but hey in the era of the internet it's easier to find an online dating sight that can help you. Or, if that seems impossible, you can split the two up -- date someone who isn't interested in that lifestyle but can understand that you have that desire and accept it, and get your thrills from someone else.


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eoraptor
Lover

Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Monday, January 30, 2012 - 03:40 PM (#60939)

being somewhat familiar with the lifestyle myself (though not a practitioner) I also have to agree with 5ofCups. If you're submissive enough to identify yourself as one, then you should start by looking for a Domme forst, and then seeing if she has those other qualities that you desire in a partner, otherwise you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Still, if you're already very interested in this woman, then my answer would be to see how she feels about the lifestyle in general, and if she seems to be the Dominatrix sort, THEN ask if she would collar you. Hinting around may be the submissive thing to do, but it's also the passive aggressive thing to do, and that's not healthy when looking for a mate.


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Sanityfaerie
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, January 31, 2012 - 12:40 AM (#60941)

If you're already with someone you're interested in, then I'd suggest broaching the topic at a non-scary level. Start out by suggesting something very light - light bondage, for example, as a way to spice things up a bit. Then figure out how that went, and go from there.

In general, though, you want to make sure that they're into what you're into from the beginning. Thankfully, there are a lot of ways to do that these days. There are a number of dating websites specifically for BDSM types (though those can get kind of creepy sometimes) and many of the more popular ones that aren't explicitly kinky involve compatibility matching that's at least good enough to match the people who want to ride with those who want to be ridden. Also, there are a fair number of kinky groups out there, and specifically kinky clubs (sometimes associated). Get involved in one of those and look around. I will warn you, however, that there are often a lot more submissive guys than dominant women, and word in these groups gets around. If you find one nearby, make sure that you don't come on too strong and offend anyone before you get an understanding of how things work in your segment of the subculture.


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LDRs
Lover

Posts: 3

Registered:
Dec 2011
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, January 31, 2012 - 05:10 AM (#60945)

Just wanted to mention, I dont know if linking out is allowing but, http://mojoupgrade.com/ might help you out. Basically you and your partner answer a bunch of questions and it'll tell you which ones you both agree on.

Additionally its a good way to bring up stuff she may not have put herself as into.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: Peg o' my heart... (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, January 31, 2012 - 05:21 PM (#60951)

Unless the secret "taboo" nature of your fetish is part of the turn on, I would pretty much advise you start by shoping withing the D/S or BDSM community in your area, or if necessary move to an area with an active BDSM community. At that point finding a suitable Dominant to your Submissive is going to be much easier than trying to get someone with more staid tastes like myself to bite off on a trip down the path of "freaky kink".

Some more middle of the road people might experiment on the shallow end of that pool at times, but they are unlikely to adopt a full time Dom/Sub lifestyle if this is what you are looking to have. So first off, you need to gauge just how important the lifestyle is to your happiness, and then you need to start looking among like minded souls rather than hoping to convert someone into it by droping hints, or through gradual indoctrination into your kink. Looking at all the BDSM related web pages out there on the internet, it should be hard to find an active group in any large population center in the western world.

I hope this helps.


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