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POLL RESULTS: Not the jealous type?: (11 comments)

POLL: Not the jealous type?

Friday, February 10, 2012 - 12:00 AM



Q: My boyfriend is a really great guy, but he’s legally married even though they’ve been having problems for years. He and I spend a lot of time together. We sort of have an understanding but I still get pissed off when he’s home or even spending time with his kids. I’ve never been the jealous type before, but now I find myself looking at his wife’s Facebook page, looking at her family photos and searching for clues as to what he’s up to when he’s not with me.

POLL: What should she do?
 
89% (1665) Break up. He's not leaving his wife.
 
1% (25) Hang in there. He'll come around.
 
9% (179) Demand he make a commitment
1869 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
eoraptor
Lover

Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 10, 2012 - 12:31 AM (#61013)

Really? This is even a question? What part of "WIFE AND KIDS" do you not have the ability to grasp? Pretty simple concept. These are the people his life is built around... you're a convenience.

You don't have a "sort of understanding," he has a handy FWB to scratch the itch with while keeping his happy stable life. Obviously it's not unhappy enough for him to get a divorce after "years", so stop deluding yourself and move on.

Or, you know, go whole hog with the home wrecking you're already engaging in and tell the wife about you and make a real play for him, if you have the stomach for it.


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BenPaddon
Lover

Posts: 3

Registered:
Aug 2008
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 10, 2012 - 03:06 AM (#61014)

If you don't trust him, or can't let him do his thing without wondering if he's up to something else, then the relationship cannot work. Without trust, there is no relationship.


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gravyrug
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Feb 2012
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 10, 2012 - 08:36 AM (#61018)
In Response to BenPaddon (#61014):

And trusting a guy who's already cheating on his wife is kinda asking for heartbreak.


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DoubleStar
Lover

Posts: 36

Registered:
Mar 2010
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 10, 2012 - 09:15 AM (#61019)

While eoraptor pulls no punches with his commentary, I have to agree with him as well.

I've seen this twice now myself, each from the perspective of "the other woman" (one of them a cousin of mine), both who kept holding out hope their Mr. would finally leave the wife, divorce, and marry them. It never happened in both cases. As time went on each Mr. provided all kinds of reasons why he hadn't "yet" left for good, including "for the kids", but in the end he never left, and in the end both women eventually broke it off (one later found someone worth having, my cousin is still single but happier despite it).

So yep, that unfortunately just makes you his FWB. But here's something solid to keep in mind - if he's been cheating on his wife with you for this long, then even if tomorrow you got what you wanted and he married you, don't you think there's a big chance he'd just find another FWB to cheat on you with? So unless this is more about the thrill of getting what you're not supposed to have, why would you even want a guy like that? Drop him like yesterday's garbage and move on.


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bombastinator
Lover

Posts: 8

Registered:
Jun 2011
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 10, 2012 - 04:07 PM (#61021)
In Response to gravyrug (#61018):

Amen. "my boyfriend is a really great guy" and "he's married" are not compatible concepts.


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delzoup
Lover

Posts: 8

Registered:
Jan 2010
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 10, 2012 - 10:12 PM (#61022)

I'm not sure what the question is... are you trying to stay not jealous and keep the relationship you have? Are you wanting him to leave his wife for you? Is he separated pending divorce, or is he still living with his wife? Does his wife know about you?

Whatever the story, being jealous and knowing someone has another life/lover does not end well.


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Amanda
Lover

Posts: 30

Registered:
Oct 2008
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, February 11, 2012 - 02:00 AM (#61023)

Even if he eventually leaves his wife, he'll never leave his kids. They will always be more important than you and they will always connect him to his wife. You can not handle this situation and that's a good thing because HE'S MARRIED! HE'S FREAKING MARRIED! If the "problems" were severe enough to warrant him not being considered married, he'd be divorced. Find a single man if you want a commitment, deal with the jealousy if you like being the other woman that he could leave at any moment for his WIFE!


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DavidArgall
Lover

Posts: 42

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, February 11, 2012 - 02:19 AM (#61024)
In Response to eoraptor (#61013):

In reference to going whole hog to get him, had best remember it is fairly easy to break up a marriage, but a lot harder to create a new one. In fact divorced cheaters rarely marry their light loves.
So your choices pretty much come down to just accepting you get the leftovers or leaving him. I'm sure he thinks the current situation is fine, but you are seeing problems, and there really is not a solution besides just giving up.


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Garwulf
Lover

From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, February 11, 2012 - 11:38 AM (#61026)

I'm not sure who is worse in this one - the married man having an affair, or the mistress jealous of the married man's time with his kids.

Now, if he's having issues in his marriage and he has an affair, that is his problem, and it is on his head. At the same time, though, being jealous of the man spending time with his kids is just wrong. Even if he does leave his wife, his children will - and should - always be a huge part of his life. If you have a problem with this, then you are not mature enough to be dating a man with kids in the first place.

Aside from which - and I'm sorry, but somebody has to say this - the bahaviour described is just stalker-ish. If you're dating a married man, jealous when he spends time with his children instead of you, and trying to implement a sort of surveillance on his family, then you have become unbalanced, and what you need to do is seek professional help.


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Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, February 12, 2012 - 04:19 AM (#61027)

I'm sorry, ma'am, but I have to point this out:

Stupid, slutty, and gullible is not a winning combination.


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rorirose
Lover

Posts: 26

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Not the jealous type? (Score: 0)
posted Monday, February 13, 2012 - 09:23 AM (#61030)
In Response to Murgatroyd (#61027):

Aaaaand Murgatroyd just won!

Really, was this a no-brainer? He's not even separated. You got used. Know the warning signs next time and do NOT get in a relationship with a married man. They already have a wife, they're just looking for the fun they feel their marriage is missing.


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