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POLL RESULTS: High time to get out?: (9 comments)

POLL: High time to get out?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012 - 12:00 AM



Q: I recently reconnected with my high school sweetheart after almost 10 years. Long story short, she was in a terrible situation and I offered to take her out of it. She moved in with me, and we had a joyous reunion. We started having bumps because I quit smoking weed. It was grossly overdue. I had an amazingly high intake, so the withdrawals (for lack of a better word) made me pretty grouchy. Very grouchy She was a huge help, I don't know if I could have done it so quickly (or at all) without her. During that time, she decided to go on the pill. She'd always had extremely trying periods, and the doctor said that the pill can go a long way towards ameliorating that. This is when our current problems began. She began having wild mood swings, going from screaming mad, saying horrible things and hating my guts, to depressed and sorry she was acting that way, to horny. It's been like living with an unexploded artillery shell, the slightest thing might set it off. It's been three months that she's been like this. I've been trooping on, but I'm so very tired of the cycle, the abusive shouting and treatment. I really love this girl, and she's just gotten off of the pills, both of us having realized the cause of her behaviour. I hope that she pulls out of this soon, because we're both at the end of our ropes. She's more depressed than ever, and my patience and good nature is running thin. She breaks up with me every two or three days, saying it would be the best thing for us. She always comes around, but it hurts and it's eating at me. I'd feel really bad about it, she was there for me while I was doing poorly. I don't really know what to do: Should we break up, or wait it out?

POLL: What should he do?
 
18% (135) Break up. This is not a good relationship.
 
71% (521) Wait it out. She was there for you, now it's your turn.
 
9% (71) Is it too late to start smoking again...?
727 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: High time to get out? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, February 14, 2012 - 03:23 AM (#61032)

Be there for her!

And part of taking care of her involves dragging her to the doctor to talk about those mood swings. For one thing, there's more than one type of birth control pill, and the different formulations have different effects. For another, the doctor might discover that something else is wrong with her.


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Shadowydreamer
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Posts: 4

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Jan 2008
Re: High time to get out? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, February 14, 2012 - 06:34 AM (#61034)

If she's just gotten off the pill - then things ARE changingf or the better. Hang in there!

As someone with endometriosis, I'll second the "Not all birth control methods are created equal!" Mirena IUD, for example, is a fantastic "go away, period!" product that has limited side effects.

My other thought is -- if she's so depressed and upset, she should be talking to her doctor about it.. not just due to the pill. This things can get spiral out of control.


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vorlonagent
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Posts: 55

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Oct 2009
Re: High time to get out? (Score: 1)
posted Tuesday, February 14, 2012 - 03:04 PM (#61035)

Get her care. A shrink for her head, period control for her body.

If she was in a terrible situation and went to caregiving for you, that's a lot to handle.

Give her something back.


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zmortis
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Posts: 76

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Jun 2009
Re: High time to get out? (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, February 14, 2012 - 06:25 PM (#61037)

I'm with the others who are saying talk to a doctor about pill formulations because not all birth control pills are equal. If rabid mood swings happen on or off the pill, that is not typical behavior, and it is most likely something which is hormonal in nature. A consultation with an endocrinologist might be your best option for a chance at a sane life with her.

I hope this helps.


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manowar
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Feb 2012
Re: High time to get out? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 12:38 AM (#61041)

Don't "wait it out." Don't ignore it. You need to understand what's going on. Please, Please, Please, Google "bipolar and birthcontrol". This sounds very familiar. I wish someone had told me to do that years ago. It would have saved a lot of problems. Bipolar is a condition where chemical balances in the brain don't regulate correctly or are susceptible to interference. Birth control seems to be one of the things that can trigger this. It's not very well understood even by medical professionals. Don't expect a lot of help from them. Do try and be supportive and help your sweatheart find what will work for her. Recognize it's an illness and that should help get you through the rough times.


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DugganSC
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May 2010
Re: High time to get out? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 08:18 AM (#61044)

I'm with those saying that you should stick by her, but you should also seek medical help. Among other factors, The Pill flip-flops a woman's tastebuds when it comes to kisses. No, seriously, the taste of a kiss involves a complex chemical analysis that gives a woman information about compatibility of immune systems. It's about 90% effective, but it's reversed in pregnancy, which is what The Pill puts her body in the hormonal state of. As a result, her brain is telling her that you're the wrong person (on the flip side, people who get married while on The Pill have a higher divorce rate because once they're off, they suddenly realize they're with the diametrically wrong guy). Scary stuff.

 Anyhow, as stated, check with the doctor for both of your sakes.


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NunyaBidness
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Re: High time to get out? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 09:16 AM (#61045)

Find an endocrinologist, preferably who's also an OB/GYN. Clearly, the pill is affecting her endocrine system to an extreme. You can offer observations to help his diagnosis.


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wolfrun65
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Jul 2011
Re: High time to get out? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 12:18 PM (#61046)

The other people covered the major things: talk to medical doc, talk to a psychiatrist, and give it some time.


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whatwouldIknow
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Re: High time to get out? (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 07:11 PM (#61049)

I married 25 years ago. My wife immediately went onto the pill as a preferred method of birth control. 9 months of absolute hell later, she got off the pill and never tried again. I went through exactly the hell that you've described, and it took some time to get her to realize what was happening. Her doctor at the time was no help - his "solution" when my wife brought up the problems was "increase the dosage!", which only made the problems worse. It took probably another 4 months before the Stephen King episodes finally vanished.

So, my advice here, based on personal experience is: it won't get better overnight, but it WILL eventually. Take that into consideration, and figure out if she's worth riding out the rough spots. She sure seemed to feel that way when it was you with the issues.


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