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POLL RESULTS: Staying Focused: (16 comments)

POLL: Staying Focused

Friday, May 25, 2012 - 12:00 AM


Q.: I am a videographer/photographer, and I was recently hired to do a rather risque photoshoot. My girlfriend of three years says she's understanding, but I suspect otherwise. What do your readers think?
POLL: What should this photographer do about his sexy shoot?
 
2% (55) Turn down the job. Don't risk the relationship.
 
0% (6) Tell your girlfriend you turned down the job, and do it secretly. What she don't know can't hurt you.
 
23% (481) Your girlfriend is going to have to learn to trust you, and now's a good time to start. Tell her to grow up.
 
61% (1256) You two need to have a long talk about why she has these trust issues. There's more at stake here than a photo shoot.
 
4% (88) Threesome!
 
8% (170) OK. That last one was stupid. Who would hold the camera?
2056 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
tweell
Lover

Posts: 8

Registered:
Mar 2012
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 12:14 AM (#61649)

The first problem is her saying she doesn't have a problem. If you feel that she's unhappy about it, then you're right (trust your feelings, Luke!).

The second problem is that there are many ways to cheat on your lover, this would be one of the more obvious and stupid ways. You might try explaining that risking your relationship and your job at the same time just isn't how you roll, but logic generally doesn't rule this type of conversation.

The third problem is that many people who worry about getting cheated on are the ones doing the cheating (gotta love projection).

Bottom line: you need to trust each other, if your relationship is to go anywhere further.


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Amanda
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Posts: 30

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Oct 2008
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 12:36 AM (#61650)

If she says she understands, take her at her word. Ask her one more time, if she okays it twice you can bring that up if any argument ensues. I know some women can be tricky, but if you're okay with this and she claims she is, there's no reason to give up that money. It isn't cheating to do your job, even if it's risque, when she told you she was okay with it. It's not like you're involved with these people in any romantic or sexual way.


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abb3w
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Posts: 46

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 12:48 AM (#61651)

Notion: let her know the time and place; let her know that if she has worries, she can show up to chaperone. Burn bridges as need be from there?


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Murgatroyd
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Posts: 300

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Jan 2008
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 01:35 AM (#61652)

Ask her one more time, if she okays it twice you can bring that up if any argument ensues.

If you actually need to do this, then you'd better get it in writing.

The third problem is that many people who worry about getting cheated on are the ones doing the cheating (gotta love projection).

This! "Many" = "not all, not most, but more than enough."


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NunyaBidness
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Posts: 83

Registered:
Apr 2008
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 01:55 AM (#61653)

Been there. Done that. Photography is real work. You'll be too busy to be turned on.

A chaperone is a good idea for everyone's safety. Tell the client you'd like her to come along as chaperone. She doesn't have to be on set, but she should be nearby.


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DavidArgall
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Posts: 42

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Nov 2010
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 04:25 AM (#61654)

Well of course the lady is suspicious. You are male and thus stand convicted of being ready to bang anything that will hold still if you get the chance. So it is up to you to convince her that there is no chance.
As suggested, pointing out that this is a workplace situation, even if the girl is naked and trying to project "please". You are likely paid by the job, meaning you would not only have to pay time and a half for undertime, but it would come directly out of your wallet.
The idea of her as chaperone, or even giving her blanket permission just to drop in when she feels like it, might work too.


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Walker
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Posts: 2

Registered:
Mar 2012
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 06:42 AM (#61655)

I agree with what a lot of others are saying. Having her there is good protection for both of you. She knows you are not cheating on her, (and have no plans to)...and you get protection against your client making an accusation that you inappropriately touched them. She does not have to be in the same room, or can sit behind a shade if the client is shy.

You can also teach her to reload your cameras, or other tasks that would turn her presense into an asset beyond just security.


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mgspeed
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Mar 2012
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 07:49 AM (#61656)

Hopefully this is an editorial re-write by Mr. Guigar, because there is no such thing as a vidographer/photographer at the professional level. If your not sure which one you are then I tend to guess the answer is neither and your GF might have good reason to be suspicious.
Otherwise I'll second the comments by another poster that you'll be too busy working to even think about getting distracted. That said it's always a very smart idea to have a chaperone to protect you and the client. Nothing like a disgruntled model making false claims because they felt jilted for something that was beyond your control.


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DoubleStar
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Posts: 36

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Mar 2010
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 09:33 AM (#61657)
In Response to mgspeed (#61656):

Contrary to mgspeed's opinion, in this business you're a pro as long as people like what you produce well enough to pay you the standard going rate for your efforts; just look at the controversy surrounding Thomas Kincaid's work.

That said, however, if photography / videography isn't your day job that earns you the lion's share of your income, or if you are a freelancer who mostly works solo at your job, I can see where your GF might be concerned. In which case a chaperone is an excellent idea, although it doesn't have to be the GF, just someone whom both she and the client trust and are willing to accept.


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JimmyC
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Posts: 1

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May 2012
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 04:40 PM (#61659)

I think that maybe she does trust you. She said so didn't she? Go ahead and do this one, but show your love for her by turning down any others.


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zmortis
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Posts: 76

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Jun 2009
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 04:42 PM (#61660)

I also concur with the presence of a third neutral party to keep things professional between the photographer/videographer and the model. Unless this is an outright POV style porn shoot, then your girlfriend has no real grounds for complaint.

A paying gig doing photo work is legitimate work, even if it were for hard core porn. As long as it is a paying job and everyone is being professional about it, then your girlfriend should understand.

If she can't understand, then frankly speaking you are dating the wrong woman.


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DanialArin
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Posts: 92

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Apr 2009
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 07:24 PM (#61662)
In Response to mgspeed (#61656):

mgspeed said: "there is no such thing as a vidographer/photographer at the professional level."

Tell that to my friend who has that job title at a major newspaper, and then ask how many extra heads he thinks you've suddenly sprouted.

To the Original Poster:

In the words of assassin and forensic analyst Dr. Kaufman to James Bond in "Tomorrow Never Dies", "I'm just a professional, doing a job!" And that's all this is: a job.

I've had a chance to chat with a few professional photographers, some of whom do this kind of studio work, including the occasional "nude spread as an anniversary gift for my husband" job. These jobs will come up from time to time, how often depends on where your studio is located and what services you advertise. Generally worth taking them unless you inherently find nudity repugnant. If the client is happy, it can lead to good referrals, including for such wholesome things such as weddings, bar mitzvahs and sweet sixteens.

That said, it sounds more like you're worried about this than your girlfriend is (though the real question is of *how* she says she's okay with it). Not a bad thing, it means you care. As has already been suggested, if you're seriously concerned about how she might feel after the fact, ask her if, as long as the client is okay with it, she'd be willing to handle things like lighting and sets (not much need for reloading if you're shooting digital). She may also be able to help out in other ways during the shoot. On the other hand, if you ask her and *she* says you don't need her there, then don't worry about it, and be the professional that she knows you are.


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Zonker
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Nov 2009
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Friday, May 25, 2012 - 08:33 PM (#61663)

1) Get a contract with the model.
2) Show the girlfriend the contract.
3) Have a chaperone on site; your girlfriend will suffice.
4) Technical photography and videography involves lighting, makeup and the whole schmear. It is nearly identical to doing a wedding shoot; it IS a wedding shoot with a different set of costumes.


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DrScott
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Posts: 5

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Sep 2011
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, May 27, 2012 - 07:02 AM (#61664)

None of the above. The person with the problem isn't the girlfriend, it's the photographer. He "suspects" she has a problem, despite the fact that she has apparently assured him that she trusts him to be a professional? She isn't the one with "trust issues." He is - he obviously doesn't trust his long-term girlfriend to be honest.

My advice. Do the shoot. When she asks you afterwards how it went have a medium length response ready. Anything too short will seem evasive, anything too long will look like you're hiding something. A couple of sentences should be good. Be honest about the model, but focus on how doing something like this was different from the shoots you normally do. You know, be professional.

If she has problems with it after, you can certainly talk about it. But any discussion should focus on your professionalism and it being a job. And if there is a problem, it's HER problem and up to her to do something about it.

I do have a bit of perspective on this one. I am a family practice doctor IRL and I do obstetrics. I do a fair number of pelvic and breast exams daily. I touch a fair number of penises for that matter. My wife has never expressed a concern about this. And if she did I'd listen sympathetically, explain what I do, and reassure her that it is my job, and expend a reasonable amount of time and energy to help her feel more comfortable. But in the end she's the one who needs to deal with her problem.

And shame on CD for given us a forced draw!


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Garwulf
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From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, May 27, 2012 - 08:52 AM (#61666)

Well, I'm a professional writer/editor/publisher who once had a vaguely similar type of situation, and here's my take on it...

Way back when, shortly after I had first started dating my fiancee, I came across something that I thought would make an interesting story. It was an online service providing a free, automated Facebook girlfriend. What was really interesting to me was that there were some sophisticated coding in it that could help bring about the next step in artificial intelligence, or so the company's website said. So, I pitched a story on it to an editor I had been working with.

The editor strongly suggested that not only was it a good story, but that in order to cover it, I'd have to sign up for the service. I wasn't really comfortable with this - I thought it hit the sad and creepy notes all at once - and I could just imagine it playing hell with what was at the time a brand-new relationship. So, I told my girlfriend about it, and told her that if it would make her uncomfortable in any way, I wouldn't do the story. It did, and I didn't.

Now, granted, I was hoping my girlfriend would be uncomfortable with it so that I could get out of signing up for the silly thing, but I think the general principle stands: fill your girlfriend in on what the job is, what is involved, and tell her that if it would make her uncomfortable in any way, you'll turn the job down. And then, if she's comfortable, go do the job, and if she's not, turn it down.

(And, as far as the idea of inviting her along goes, that would really depend on the client.)


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Noire
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Posts: 4

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Apr 2009
Re: Staying Focused (Score: 0)
posted Monday, May 28, 2012 - 05:23 PM (#61668)

A chaperone for this sort of thing is usually a neutral third party. The girlfriend is anything -but- neutral. I would not recommend inviting the girlfriend along, or even asking if your girlfriend can be a chaperone. Because that takes the situation from professional into the realms of the personal, and if I were the one wanting the risque photo shoot for professional reasons, "Hey, do you mind if I have my girlfriend come with me to chaperone?" takes it from a service to a... service, if you get my drift.

That said, I have to wonder if you, not your girlfriend, are uncomfortable with the situation, or think it may escalate into something non professional. If your girlfriend of three years is a frequent says one thing means the polar opposite sort and you haven't had a conversation about it or figured it out enough to not have to ask this, why are you still together? If it is not her thing to do that sort of thing, why don't you trust her to be okay with it?

If you think this is iffy, figure out why (specifics and points of citation are a plus here) and then discuss it with your girlfriend. If she continues to insist it is just fine, then believe her. If it turns out that you're secretly afraid you'll go to more than a photoshoot with the other girl, refer her to someone else in the photography world. If it turns out you'd feel less like this was the start of a porn if you had a chaperone, go for it, but look for one who has experience with lighting or professional makeup, not one who has a personal investment in you.


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