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POLL RESULTS: Falling long-distance: (5 comments)

POLL: Falling long-distance

Friday, November 30, 2012 - 12:00 AM


A reader writes...

Q. I'm an 18-year-old girl and I have been single all of my life never been kissed or whatever. It's not that I'm really ugly or anything, because I got offered a job as a model (not that I use tons of make-up). And I'm successful as a singer/actress. But somehow I can only fall in love with guys who already have a girlfriend -- or guys who live in another country (like the one I met during gaming years ago and chat with online). What should I do?!
POLL: What should she do?
 
42% (457) Admit you have a fear of intimacy, and work on that first
 
37% (407) Don't worry. You just haven't met the right one yet.
 
1% (18) Move to one of those other countries.
 
3% (33) Work on stealing the boyfriends from their girlfriends.
 
15% (173) Focus on that acting career.
1088 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: Falling long-distance (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 30, 2012 - 03:30 AM (#62533)

But somehow I can only fall in love with guys who already have a girlfriend -- or guys who live in another country (like the one I met during gaming years ago and chat with online).

Well, the answer kind of depends on who you are, doesn't it?

It might be that you want only the guys you know you can't have. If so, there could be any number of reasons for that.

It might be that you have some sort of self-esteem problem -- that you can't fall in love with any guy who would lower his standards so far as to be interested in you. (This isn't what I'd expect of someone in an acting career, but you never know.)

The "never been kissed" part is intriguing and rather strange. Either you simply haven't dated eligible guys, or you have dated them and your attitude somehow makes them not want to kiss you.

Do you have any male friends your own age, whether you've dated them or not? If so, ask them what's going on.


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zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: Falling long-distance (Score: 0)
posted Friday, November 30, 2012 - 04:43 PM (#62534)

The primary reason people are only interested in "unavailable" people is not necessarily a fear of intimacy, but it is quite likely a fear of commitment. You don't want to be tied down, and as long as you chase people you can't have, then you can't be tied down.

I'm willing to bet that if any of these "unavailable" people became available, your interest level would drop precipitously. At 18 I wouldn't worry about it too much. Being tied down isn't usually a good idea that young anyway. If you reach 30 and still have the same problem, then you'll probably want to seek a professional relationship counselor.


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CaptainSmokeblower
Lover

Posts: 58

Registered:
Nov 2009
Re: Falling long-distance (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, December 01, 2012 - 08:22 AM (#62540)

Doesn't anyone else have trouble with
1 She's 18
2. Un-kissed
3. A model
4. Has a singing/acting career
Let's think how many girls on this planet we can name who fit just these four characteristics. Oops, sounds like one of those fake bios written for Playboy centerfolds of years gone by.

What should you do? Get kissed and come back when you're 21. We'll see if you've got any real problems then. (If nothing else, take an acting role where you kiss someone. One problem down.)


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Hellfire29
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Dec 2012
Re: Falling long-distance (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, December 01, 2012 - 09:19 AM (#62541)

Why hello there ;)*looks suave*

But on a more serious note, try going to some parties. I knew a girl who was again 18 and had never kissed a guy and she just went to a party and made out with the first guy who made a move. It may well of been me when her friends' convinced me but it gave her tonnes of self confidence and she didn't have much trouble finding other guys after that.


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Coanunn
Lover

Posts: 11

Registered:
Feb 2010
Re: Falling long-distance (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, December 01, 2012 - 10:12 AM (#62542)

Ok, so what stands out to me starts with her self description:

I'm an 18-year-old girl and I have been single all of my life never been kissed or whatever. It's not that I'm really ugly or anything, because I got offered a job as a model (not that I use tons of make-up). And I'm successful as a singer/actress.

While you certainly sound like someone too good to be true the fact you feel you need to say you aren't ugly and don't use make up stands out most. My suggestion, give yourself time to be comfortable with who you are so you don't feel the need to defend those things! You are young, apparently good looking, talented, and a gamer, you will have ABSOLUTELY no trouble getting guys to be interested in you and will be able to take your time and pick the one that is right for you. Take time to know yourself and be comfortable with who you are first so when you do make that choice to fall for a guy it will be the right one because you know what you actually want.

As to having never dated or been kissed, by all means get out there and date casually. The modern world has forgotten the art of casual dating for fun rather than dating to find "the one". Maybe all you do is go out dancing, to movies, dinner, sit in and play games together, etc. Make it known you aren't looking for anything serious and just keep in mind a limit of how far you are willing to go and stop there till you are ready to move on to serious dating. Again this gives you perspective for when you do move on to looking for "the one" as you will know how to date.


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