forums

welcome! please login or register.

 

 

 

POLL RESULTS: Under the influence: (5 comments)

POLL: Under the influence

Friday, December 14, 2012 - 12:00 AM

A reader writes...

Q. I have been dating another girl for months now and we're a very happy couple, but recently I have felt the craving for a "male influence." How do I bring this up with my partner?
POLL: What should she do?
 
28% (434) Since Adam & Eve is a site sponsor, we'd be remiss is we didn't mention these little plastic devices that... er... strap on. Click that ad to the right... and buckle up.
 
0% (1) Ignore the feeling. It'll go away.
 
8% (126) Threesome!
 
63% (975) Talk about it with her. Maybe she feels the same way. Or maybe she's got some ideas on how to address it.
1536 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
Sanityfaerie
Lover

Posts: 17

Registered:
Jan 2011
Re: Under the influence (Score: 0)
posted Friday, December 14, 2012 - 02:37 AM (#62582)

First, Know Thyself. What exactly is it that you crave? If you just need penetration, then yeah - you should totally invest in a strap-on. Easy answer, carry on with being a very happy couple. If what you need is more of a short-term emotional or sexual energy dynamic, then you might consider trying roleplay (probably with the assistance of a strap-on). If what's really going on is that part of you desperately wants to be pregnant, then that's going to have a rather different solution set than if what you really want is to be physically overpowered by something that acts, looks, smells, and/or feels masculine. Of course, it's not just you in the equation, which brings us to our next point.

Second, Communicate. You should be talking about this stuff regardless. Discussing things with your girlfriend can help you clarify what you need, what you want (but can be okay without, possibly indefinitely), what your partner is willing to accept and/or help you with, and what it will cost her. You'd know more than we would about how to bring it up in a way that won't offend or hurt your partner (or at least that will keep the cost of talking about it as low as you reasonably can) but if it were something that you could just discard out of hand, you wouldn't have asked the internet for help. Given that it's something that you can't just drop and ignore, your partner deserves/needs to know ,so that you can figure out an answer that works for both of you, and keeps this whole "very happy couple" thing going strong.

...and a few parting thoughts.

- As Dan Savage notes (if you do decide to go with a threesome) all too often, the couple that walks out of a threesome is not the same as the couple that walks in. If you find this to be a tempting prospect rather than a source for serious concern, then you may not be as happy with this girl as you think you are.

- Expect to make compromises. If you find some setup that works really well for both you and your girlfriend and satisfies everything, then that's fantastic, but don't depend on it. You're into women enough that you're happily dating one... and you're into men enough that you want a man *anyway*. You're already in a place where finding a relationship setup that gets you what you want is going to be a bit tricky - don't sabotage yourself by being unwilling to bend on the less important stuff (whatever that may happen to be for you).

- If you do decide between the two of you that opening up the relationship is a plan, then what you're going into is something called polyamory or poly. I *strongly* recommend that you take some time reading up on the subject before you put it into practice, or even before you finalize the rules under which you'll put it into practice. There are all sorts of interesting and not entirely obvious ways to mess it up, and all sorts of resources out there (online and in book form, free and otherwise) that have useful advice on how to avoid them.


Locked profile
FiveOfCups
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Jan 2012
Re: Under the influence (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, December 15, 2012 - 04:56 PM (#62584)

COMMUNICATION IS KEY IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS. She needs to be a part of this discussion. I definitely think you should try getting her to use a strap-on, see if that does it for you. But there's no way you're going to be able to solve this without talking to her (except cheating-- bad idea).


Locked profile
DavidArgall
Lover

Posts: 42

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: Under the influence (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, December 16, 2012 - 11:45 PM (#62587)

I vote for communication too. Now first, you should figure out what you want. How much do you want this guy? Do you have any idea about what qualities he has/should have? What relationships do you want?/are willing to accept?
Take care. There is a serious chance of ending with no girlfriend or boyfriend.


Locked profile
TheMedi8or
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Jan 2013
Re: Under the influence (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, January 10, 2013 - 07:05 AM (#62646)

Seriously? How does ANYONE think communication is going to help this situation? How many women are going to react well to "honey, I think I'd like to cheat on you?" And that's what this is. It's all well and good to SAY communication is key and all those fancy buzz words, but let's get real. Would you honestly say the same thing if the line here were a guy saying "I have been dating this great girl for months now and we're a very happy couple, but recently I have felt the craving for a redhead. How do I bring this up with my partner?" Everyone here would be calling him an A**H***


Locked profile
TheMedi8or
Lover

Posts: 5

Registered:
Jan 2013
Re: Under the influence (Score: 0)
posted Thursday, January 10, 2013 - 07:07 AM (#62647)
In Response to FiveOfCups (#62584):

She could also decide she has chosen a monogamous relationship, grow up and realize that sometimes you can't boff whatever fancy strikes you at the moment. We expect men to do it all the time.


Locked profile
Threshold:  Locked
The Fine Print: The above comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
Hell, let's face it, we're not responsible for anything; including the things we say, do, or think. And if you sue us because you think we are? Well, we're not responsible for that either.

 





(C) 2005 Brad J. Guigar. All rights reserved. Use of content or images without the consent of the author is prohibited.